Did nothing yesterday, finally got up about 7pm, popped out to wd cash and get a couple of bottles of soft drink ('corner shops' seem scarce here) and have something to eat then back home.
Vague plan was to be up at 6 to get train to Colon at 7:15. Even before I went to bed I felt it unlikely and vaguely planned to get bus. In the end I woke up at 6 and decided I wasn't getting up, finally got up about 11 or 12 and didn't go. I am rolling back to a more normal sleep schedule and may try tomorrow, by bus if not by train.
I tried to send some postcards today, which was eventually possible, and also to get a DVD of photos burned, which wasn't. A bit of a dead day but it's OK. I will try for Colon tomorrow and try not to beat myself up if I don't make it. I think I have seen enough and nothing else to do today obviously presented itself.
I have booked a suite-type hotel in Mexico City for five nights. I am a bit nervous about Mexico City and in fact Mexico as a whole after reading the guide book and F&CO web site but what can you do? I think the hotel in Mexico City is at least in a good area and the main trick seems to be to avoid taking taxis off the street.
20:40. Jesus. I'm only on my third pint and I was like this earlier, but my mind is racing. I feel jittery as fuck (though I don't think I am physically jittering). I have no idea why. I think I am a bit nervous about going to Colon and also Mexico/Mexico City. But I don't think it's just that, even though I don't know what it is.
I am not sure about the train tomorrow. I am almost certainly not going both ways by train as I would be in/around Colon from about 9am to 5pm and that's far too long given I'm only going to the locks and a couple of hours there should be plenty. The logical thing to do is get the train out and the bus back, as the train only takes an hour and the bus two and a half, but given the early start I am half inclined to bus it both ways. But then even if I start at 9am (say), I won't be at the locks til about midday (it's an hour further by bus from Colon to the locks, probably a lot less if I can get a taxi), if I spend two hours there I am looking at getting back about 5pm, having spent five or so hours on buses for a couple of hours at the locks. The train is a big time saver (and the scenery is supposed to be good) but man, a 6am start. I have to be up super early on Wednesday too as the damn flight is at 9:50am or so, so I need to be at the airport by say 8am at the latest and what wi
th getting a cab and so on you're looking at a 7am start at the latest, ideally earlier.
It's dead here. I don't care, but it is. Two guys playing pool and maybe one guy sat outside apart from me and the staff.
Why the fuck am I so worked up? My left hand, especially the thumb, hurts and typing this isn't helping.
The toilet in my room is a bit knackered. It continually runs heavily for about an hour or two after being flushed. Noisy as hell and god knows how much water it wastes. I reported it yesterday but no one has fixed it. Really not a major deal but I note it anyway.
I don't want to go back to the UK but I am a bit sick of continually pushing my personal boundaries, even if it's probably good for me. I am also worried I won't be able to do this again, although logically there's no real reason I shouldn't do it again in another two years, maybe even 18 months (though I'd rather be away for the UK winter, so two years is better in that sense, assuming I start working again in August or September). Yeah, I'll be even more of an old fart by then but that shouldn't be a major problem. 36 isn't that much older than 33 going on 34 in real terms I guess.
I keep visualising getting mugged at gunpoint in Mexico City. I suppose it's not that likely and I'm not likely to die even if it happens. It's not encouraging that something I read implies buses may get hijacked. But hell, my guide book said the same thing about Peru and I was OK on that overnight bus (or was it buses? Yeah, I think it was...) there. Of course, that's just two trips, but still. I guess even if these things are possible they aren't likely and you can't be frightened all the time. Well, I *am* ;-) but I guess I should try not to be.
The sign outside here shows Mon-Thu and Fri-Sat opening times separately, but both say 6pm-2am. A bit odd.
At least on the trip to Colon tomorrow I will just have my nearly empty small backpack, so I'm not going to be too encumbered. Plus I get the impression you're safe in a taxi and at the bus and train stations. Still, it's a bit jitter-inducing. At least I'll be able to overplay the danger when I'm safely back in boring old London. :-) And I know full well my mind is prone to overexaggerate any risk, though since I am forced to think about this with the same mind, it's not easy to allow that fact to calm me down. :-)
Oh, I note the F&CO website explicitly mentions some drug related violence in Cuernavaca, without explicitly saying "don't go there". Cuernavaca! I would have hoped as the weekend retreat of rich Mexicans (as I understand it) it would be super well policed. I do still hope to go there but we shall have to see.
21:45. Mind still racing like a car with the driving wheels off the ground on breezeblocks. I am not thinking about anything but it's going like a bastard. I think the beer is slowly taking effect though.
Had a quick go through my wallet and I have a card from some public relations guy in Montevideo. Maybe the blog contains the answer but right now I have no recollection of meeting anyone in Montevideo. I also have the card for a taxi firm on Easter Island which I haven't yet filed away with my random collection of acquired papers and leaflets, which I suppose is vaguely cool.
I am suspecting I will not feel relaxed again until I am safely ensconced in my suite in Mexico City, when even if I am still at risk I don't have to worry about all my belongings. Right now the next couple of days appear to contain a good deal of unpleasant uncertainty, what with the Colon trip, having to get to the airport early on Wednesday and then finding a safe cab to get to the hotel in Mexico City. (Cheeringly, something I read implies people withdrawing cash at the airport can followed. But I have no choice, I may - and I need to check in the next few weeks - have a small quantity of Mexican cash on me from a previous trip, but I doubt enough to pay for a taxi from the airport.) But if, as I intend to, I do go to Colon tomorrow, I may feel a measure of tranquility once sat on the bus or train, whichever I take.
I might have hoped after travelling for around four months I'd have developed more of a sense of equanimity. But when Zuhamy has warned me off Mexico City before and I read all this other stuff about the country in geeral, I can't help it. But as I say, I just can't let myself be frightened away from stuff. I've met other people who've been there who said it was fine (on previous Mexico trips, not this time) and the guide books don't lay it on as they do about Rio and Sao Paulo, though the detailed advice about not walking around with credit or debit cards is almost scarier than the general "it's dangerous" tone I recall about Brazil.
It's getting slightly busier here. There might be ten or so customers now.
Without being actively looking to get drunk, I have a feeling I am knocking the beers back rather faster than I normally would at this stage.
22:50. "Come on Eileen" playing (the Dexy's Midnight Runners version). I heard some English language cover the other day and (assuming it was faithful) discovered I've been harbouring a mental Mondegreen all these years. Turns out the lyrics are "My thoughts verge on dirty" rather than "But you're dirty" (approximate lyrics, of course). Which makes a lot more sense of course.
Wow, it's suddenly busyish in here. Loads of people standing around, though there are lots of tables free.
23:00. Busy enough that I just lost my table when I went to the bar. There are several free at the far end where I have now perched myself. Bit annoying somehow, though I don't think I was likely to meet anyone and frankly was not that much in the mood. But it does feel a bit of an exile being down here.
23:10. I'm in a weird mood. There seems to be something in the air here, despite the fact I'm neither particularly drunk nor overly fascinated by the place. There seems to be a certain weird energy. Maybe I'm looking for an excuse not to go through the inconvenience (never mind the risk, which is probably minimal) of the trip tomorrow. I find myself almost wishing I could speak to someone here.
I am oscillating between re-reading Orwell's "Down and Out in Paris and London" and reading for the first time Charlie Stross's "Accelerando". To be frank, the latter appears rather wankily self-consciously futuristic, but it is kind of engrossing in a bad way. I have heard so much praise for it and I have only read a tiny bit but there you go, that's my opinion so far. Nevertheless, it may be feeding off the way my mind was racing earlier and still is to a certain extent. And I guess it sort of suits my rather disconnected (not the best description, but I can't do better) feeling right now.
23:20. Just popped out to see what it was like. There is a weird sort of drunkenly friendly yet intimidating atmosophere. Maybe I'm just getting pissed. Sod it. Will have one more then probably go home. I will see how I feel at 6am but I suspect I will prefer to make a slightly less heroic (though still heroic) effort to be up about 9am and bus it to Colon. Just maybe I can get the train back if I finish there late enough. We will see. I'm not having a great night but I think in part I don't want to face the shit of tomorrow and hence am pushing it a bit stupidly tonight.
In some sense I've probably been here too long, as shown by my doing nothing today or on Sunday. On the other hand, the Colon trip is still there as a major thing I would like to do. Sigh.
I wonder if my attitude is coloured by the fact other people seem to be enjoying themselves yet I feel constrained because I 'have' to do this superficially unpleasant trip tomorrow. Oh well.
I don't think I've seen it like this here before, certainly not on Saturday night even though I was here til near closing. I half wish I could stay indefinitely, though it doesn't seem that matey to a stray Brit either.
I guess there's a sort of feeling that if I exerted myself I might meet people, but it isn't so friendly it's an appealing prospect, and I also really can't afford to stay out much longer. I guess if I ended up in a satisfying conversation it would justify maybe missing Colon, but I feel that's unlikely so what with a certain unfriendliness I'm very disinclined to try, even more so than usual.
I can't help thinking of the atmosphere at the Pindar in London, though it's not really the same.
00:00. Just got back. I do think that the time pressure has been a factor tonight. It's hard to meet people sometimes but it's worse when I sort of would like to but don't have the time. I guess that's a temporary thing at least, once I am settled in Mexico City I won't have that for a day or two, and similarly when I am 'on the road' in Mexico.
Anyway, to bed and with luck I will be able to drag myself out of bed in time for the train, as that would be cool in itself and also save a certain amount of hassle.
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