Santa Cruz, Sat/Sun

Sat 1658 voice typing this at the side of the road. I heard talk about it the other day at the school and this morning instructor mentioned it to me again and it suddenly clicked why there were all these people running along the beach and stuff and I'd seen on the way into school. It's the marathon today as they seem to call it locally. I think it's the Agwe Fuego thing. There's different distances but like the longest is some hundred kilometer thing where you go up and down each volcano on the island twice and run between them or something. So not having much else to do. I'm standing at the side of the road watching for the very intermittent people come past like, you know, not everyone's doing the same events. It's quite interesting because some of the people look like vaguely fit, but not amazingly fit. You don't know what distance they're doing and it's the sort of thing. I'm sort of thinking, oh, could I do that? Would it be sort of interesting? I'm sure it would also be kind of hellish and it's not exactly my bag but it is sparking some limited kind of interest, probably not for 100k obviously. But then I can't keep doing that with everything I think about, but you know just noting the thoughts

So I was getting quite worked up about the lesson this morning. I also not mostly to do without otherwise maybe a bit distracted getting ready Managed to be about 10 minutes late. I did text them to warn them, but that obviously wasn't great from my point of view I was really getting a bit worked up after all the baller kings yesterday I did have a work with the instructor in perhaps a mix of assertiveness and patheticness I don't know. He said he didn't really feel he'd been aggressive But I don't know and he said he had told me some of the stuff I'm sure he hadn't but maybe it's just a question of exactly how he meant he'd meant it and anyway The lesson was a lot better today to be honest I think also because I said that we did sort of discuss this we kept away from the shore So there was no need to panic so much about the kite control after falling off and in general It was quite good fun, and I did manage to ride a bit I mean it kept fucking up in different ways, but basically at the end I did get up completely on my own and ride I don't know five meters, so not exactly progress compared to the other day But I've now done that several times, and it does feel like the slow progress And I think I wasn't panicking and he said that and he very nicely given that I'd turn about ten minutes later And we had about 10-15 minute chat He did basically just without saying anything extend the lesson about half an hour And I did make sure to thank him for that so anyway that was a lot better fingers crossed it will go better tomorrow I honestly don't know how long I'm going to go on with it I mean, you know the money is not negligible, but it's also not a killer if things are going really Well, I suppose I could push it and you know push the budget and push the time and stay on longer anyway We don't have to decide now. I've probably got at least another two days, and then we'll take it from there

Afterwards via a circuitous route where I wanted to go into town to top up my phone first and no one else, no one would top up or, even though I know the price is 90 because it's printed on the posters including outside some shops, people kept wanting more or they wouldn't change a 500 or even though they have a top your claro sim sign up outside, you wander into what basically looks like a house and ask if they do top ups and they go no, as though you just walked into their random house and asked them something and they didn't have a sign outside saying it. And like the mini supermarket near the first hostel I stayed in is once 98, even though I'm sure it was 90 the first time and I know it's 90, they have at least updated the price list on the wall. The ones I asked today, the first one wanted a 100 where I thought fuck it, I wanted to not walk too far and then they wouldn't change a 500, the next place I asked wouldn't do it at all. I tried a little phone shop and they politely said they only did a Tigo, same with Ocean Mark, I tried another place and they wanted 101, which is an absolute mistake so I said thanks and walked off. So I finally went to the mini supermarket outside the first hostel and paid 98 and got it done and I then trogged back to the cafe mallo, what's it, hoping to get coffee there because it's relatively cheap, white coffee and also maybe see the kitten and they were closed even though I'm fairly sure the menu says they're open 7 days a week. So I then trogged back into town and eventually I had a juice at some, I also went into Ocean Mark again and got 500 dollars out and I went and had a slightly overpriced juice somewhere and this weird guy comes up and sits down semi opposite me without asking, not talking to me, obviously a local semi weirdo. And then when I had finished my drink and when I go up I said ciao because he looked at me a bit funny like anyway. So...

I went and got my bag back from Rain Damson, went over to Maria's and checked in, no trouble. Everything was fine except she was on the phone to, I think her daughter, non-stop the entire time she was checking me in. She initially showed me a double room en suite and I said, sorry, no, no, no, this is too good, it's not what I booked. And then she took me to another room, which does look a bit alarmingly like it's off some sort of family room with beds in, but what can you do, it's one night. And she showed me another room which has a double bed, I only paid for a single, it's a single room. No, with the shared bathroom, so I didn't argue, the price was right, that means she came back a few minutes later and knocked on the door. And I'm not sure she asked me anything, she was talking on the phone to a daughter and there was mention of 300 and I said, oh, but I've paid 300 and she sort of waved at me as if, no, no, no, I'm talking to her on the phone. I think it's all right, but anyway, I assume I'll be able to get out to go to the pizza thing at Zopp tonight. I don't expect the pizza thing to be social, but you never know. I'll go back about six-ish, have a shower, just maybe someone will chat to me at Maria's, although I'm not particularly optimistic, you know, it's not that much different just in there for an hour than me going in for a meal. I won't eat tonight, I may have breakfast there tomorrow. Oh, I was like cramming my breakfast down this morning, but that's my fault for being late, although there is the element of edginess making me get up late and dinner and stuff. So I'm going to go to the Zopp thing tonight and then come back. I still need to book flight seats, but I'd have to get that done soon, probably not tonight, but I do need to get it done. I don't know what time the lesson is, I haven't got the phone. Anyways, as I say, after checking in, that was fine. I came out and I got some snacks and coke at Ocean Mart and I sat on the beach and I stood by the roads and I've been watching this very intermittent stream of people doing the marathon come past, like sometimes they're going to be 20, 30, 40 minutes there anyway. But hey, it's sort of interesting and I'm doing a bit of walking up and down the road. Anyway, as I say, the plan for tonight is the pizza thing and just enjoy having the private room and then I'm back at raindowns tomorrow. So, although I feel a bit shitty about the lesson, maybe it was reasonable of me to mention it, or maybe I'm just an oversensitive arse, I don't really know. But anyway, the lesson was a lot better and fingers crossed it carries on and we'll see how we're looking in a couple of days, but I think that's basically bashed out where we are now, even if it's really bad voice typing, there's going to be some weird mis pseudo typos.

2200 okay, everything's okay. I got shown the secret way into Maria's, not that I needed it because people were still here and the door was open when I got back. I popped back to the junction and had a quick look, see if there were any marathoners running past, but I didn't see anyone and not a big deal, but I thought I'd have a look. The walk into and out of Zop was a little bit tiny bit scary, but not really scary and I didn't see any tarantulas for better or worse. It was like I was actually kind of lucky to see those, those two, one in the bar and one on the path the other night and at least to be in the present scene and didn't see it if that weren't the first pizza night. Didn't chat to any other pizza night, but didn't really expect to and it was actually quite a nice vibe, fire show very similar but not quite the same. I think the best bit and maybe that's why it's last was the guy doing the bar of fire, but really very nice and like even the girls doing the mildly tamed stuff to that las ketchup song with semiunova in, you know, it's quite impressive to be honest that that song is still cool enough to do that too because it must have been around when I was younger. But anyway, and I had the pizza, I didn't ask to share anyone's table (tbh two people at a table already felt a push), didn't feel appropriate, but by sheer chance I did get a table in time to eat the pizza and I was oddly heartened, I was sitting on the side of the dance floor with my second litre and watching people dance and it actually felt kind of alright, to be honest, like I wish I was more involved, but it was okay. When I was desperately heartened when I was pouring like a glass of beer out towards the end of that second litre and some random guy held his litre up that he must have been drinking from directly and I was like oh he wants to do a toast so I chinked his glass and said salud, his bottle and saloon and stuff, that made me feel surprisingly included in a bizarre way. So yeah, it was a much better night, I went with different expectations but yeah, so here we are, so I need to be up early, I'm a bit short on laundry to be honest but we'll see what happens, there may be a service here, if not I may be able to get something else tomorrow, although it being Sunday makes it difficult. I am quite looking forward to the lesson, I also want to enjoy the private room a bit before I go to bed, I want to be up early but it's not too bad. I was asking about checking out earlier after we did the leaving, after the stuff about the door and getting back in late, she said I could leave my bag here so I may have breakfast here tomorrow, we'll see how it goes, I don't want to jeopardise things, I need to try and sort the laundry out in the morning but I think things are fairly healthy basically, God I hope this transcribes after talking all this time straight but let's fingers crossed.

I also had a chat in Spanish. I do wonder if they were native English speakers, but I just said a la and then they asked me questions in Spanish. So we rolled with it. There was a couple on a moped or scooter at the bottom of the zapillotti track when I got to the main road. And they asked me if they could ride up and I said, oh yeah, I think you can go up that little path there, because I'd seen signs and stuff on their website about if you're an experienced rider, you can get up there. And I said, see, you probably can and good luck. And that was oddly heartening too. Actually, before I, when I walked past Maria's on the way, on my way up to the junction, just have a quick look in case I could see someone on the main road doing the marathon. People called out at me, maybe Maria, like I had something to do with the dog. And I said, oh no, I'll be back in a few minutes in bad Spanish. And they were like, oh no, no, it's not you. But when you're not who we thought you were. And even that was quite cool. Yeah. Anyway, so overall things, not too bad to say. Not an absolute mates and beer and chat fest, but I went in with different expectations. Maybe the relatively good lesson today helped and stuff. And anyway, fingers crossed. Oh, I did have a quick look at rain dams, which seemed very lit up when I emerged from the zapillotti trail. And it's like I didn't go in, but I sort of peered down the path from the road and it's like, I'm sure stuff's happening, but it does not look like there's a major party there or even sound like there's a major party. I'm genuinely surprised it was so booked up on the Saturday night. It's clearly, even if it's supposed to be developing, nothing like Wednesday. And I'm genuinely surprised that I could not get in Saturday night, but it's fine. I could obviously stay at the zapillotti, but I think to be honest, so far, at least fingers crossed, this gamble of staying at Maria's and having a private room and trying what it's like has kind of paid off. Anyway, I'll stop rambling.

Sun 1551 just fucking paid for the seat selection on Bogotá to london. Fickfest of course because phone browsers plus shitty wifi plus airline website. I am 99% sure it is fine though. I still need to book a train ticket but not going that now.

Fwiw last night was thinking it seemed expensive at 260 for the pizza but really it is a pretty cheap night. 260 for pizza vs 300 for margheria or 350 for pepperoni at raindance, admittedly vegetarian but not bad and done in properish pizza oven, two litres of beer at 140 each, a 5pish tip to the fire show and I think at 50 to the pound you are looking at 12 quid for the night out with a fire show and do and maybe (not last night) a free tarantula sighting thrown in.

Fell asleep on bed after writing the above and didn't do teeth, I think. Got up about 0630. I was semi looking forward to the lesson but the whole getting up early and moving hostel shit not great. I was am low on clean clothes but luckily it turns out Maria does it at 10 an item so I left clothes with her as it is Sunday and dubious about getting in anywhere else due to not being open etc. I forgot to leave key but no one asked and I left it when I picked bag up (she had said I could leave it there last night when I clarified I'd need to check out earlier) with youngish girl and then Maria called up street after me and I shouted back I had left tit with firl and she seemed to speak to girl and I think it's fine but fingers xed when I gl back for dinner and to pick up laundry.

Activity at hostel tonight is just movie night so not doing that and I will try to have a quiet night and go to end early.

Lesson was good and I managed to ride a bit including one (which was totally slolo,  I body dragged out) where is did come together and I got about 1pm, which was pretty satisfhijng.

Cafe with kitten shut again but had coffee and a palate milkshakes at cocos and a taramind michelada kn beach with some spicy tortilla chips and a litre of coke zero then over to Maria's to pick up bag and check in at raindance, which was no problem and I got into a different dorm (didn't get corner bes this time but did get a bottom) with same style a bit early. The guy checking me in asked if I had stayed before. Also chatted with the really picking it up fast Dutch student at school before and after lesson a bit and he recognised me from raindance. He said there wa no real party lad ynight hut he was in bed by 9.

So I then had a capuchino sachet and then did the flight seat reservation which has honestly left me feeling vaguely shattered. I also felt very tired but not in a bad way after lesson. I didn't panic during lesson but a) fighting the kite as I was holding it at 12 a lot was giving me a sort of tight rib crushing feeling b) at one point I should have noddy dragged out to recover board but I took a few because I was getting vague drowning feelings form never being able to get breath with the wave splashing but instructor was cool about it and it wasn't terrible and all part of the learning experience.

I am taking it very easy as I say and I am having a lesson tonorrow but honestly that fucking flight seat booking has me far more worked up than it ought to. I am doing this on shared common terrace and I find myself irrationally resent people checking in and so on for being near me.

Did it on A06 btw. Using brave which sucks as I can't find a way to turn brave shields off globally and so every little sub site had to have them turned off individually but I don't think that was the major source eof stress/problems.

Come up to lie in hammock on top floor bit, first time I have been up here or the intermediate level with the pool table. May be able to relax a bit but also proving a point. I don't pan to swim today, maybe tomorrow, but I want to conserve my energy and rexocer after the lesson which felt physically quite taxing.

1620 i've always typed in this because I'm up on this little bit on the top of my own. So I'm going to check in a bit ago. I did mention Sunday Funday to one of his friends. I've seen people wearing shirts about this. I'm not obviously going to go. I feel knackered, not bad, but knackered and I'd probably have to be up early tomorrow. I'm just saying, I've no idea where it is. I'm sure I could Google it, but it's not here. And I'm not sure where else it might be, but you know, anyway, someone did mention it. I'd started to wonder if it was somewhere else and people just wore shirts for it to show they'd been. Like the volcano boarding. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I'm just making a note. I'm struggling to relax a little bit, but I think it's fine. Anyway, just saying.

Okay, so fourth time the Phantom touches on the screen are invoking a button I didn't even know existed that sort of throws the voice typing away halfway through I got confused about the date of the flight it was correct on the calendar it doesn't really matter but in my head I had it down as Thursday but it's Wednesday so I have a day less than I thought I don't think that's a huge deal but you know it is a thing it's going to be a bit of a wrench leaving the island, I don't absolutely love it, the social situation's a bit weird, you know, with the way and the hostels I got to choose from with being tied to the beach, the surf lessons have also been giving some kind of structure, like when I have Spanish lessons in other places in the past, and obviously I'm either going to go out on a high and wish I stayed longer, or the last lesson's going to be a bad lesson, I'm going to feel bad about that, but I've just got to be strict with myself. I'm having a lesson tomorrow, I'll probably have one, two, three more, play it by ear, but I can't push it forever. Getting off the island feels like a minor logistical nightmare, with the shared taxi and ferry and then a shuttle that I'd probably have to pre-book and might miss to go on to say Leon, but I'm sure it will be fine. Just have to get through it. It's not as big a deal as I suspect. Anyway, that's just what I've been trying to say four times in a row.

1642 it is and was raining earlier when I was doing the flight booking. It's quite pleasant to be honest. Up here there's a bit of a breeze, I'm feeling the occasional light spray. I mean I hope it's not too major but it's quite refreshing, the sky's pretty grey. I've not been feeling too hot lately to be honest. Maybe I'm getting used to it, maybe it's a bit cooler here, maybe the weather's just got a bit cooler. It's certainly warm sometimes in bed and have the fan on and stuff but it really isn't like it was earlier. I do suspect this is more genuine difference than just me acclimatising but you know just a note.

1833 been to Maria's for dinner. Getting juice of day (hibiscus again) at hostel. Not an alcohol free day given michelada at beach but no point overdoing it. I popped up to treehouse to are view on way out, will have another look tomorrow in day. Clothes were not fully dry at marias, the offers to give them to me but ibsaidbid pick then up tomorrow. No point spiking the wash with bad drying and nuetineaa.

Movie night aeem popular tonight but not trying it, don't fancy an arbitrary film, I would probably ly fall asslep,. Some chap did say hi tome in dorm when I was getting ready to go out for dinner. Sitting here with this juice by way of being open to contact but I do feel genuinely tired (maybe old age but I suspect not, didn't sleep super much and the kitsurfing probably was genuinely unusually tiring) and I was in v|the of nodding off in hammock earlier (tried a hanging chair briefly after btw) and I am basically intending to try to hang on til 8ish and then have a shower and go to bes. I don't have a lesson time yet, I can deal with 830 especially with a super early night but maybe I will draw a later one.

I do feel ok. A tiny bit lonely but not over agitates and there has been minor social contact today and I am genuinely tired and the lesson while hard was genuinely satisfying (especially that 10m ish ride). So don't read tired as "fed up" etc.

I didn't actually see Maria tonight but presumably we are all fine and no big issues about me keeping the key too long  I suspect the room was not let again and if it was I night guess she has a spare key and so I merely temporarily reduced to having no spare by keeping it too long, I didn't lose it.

It is a shame I am not feeling super energetic and up for socialising but then it isn't all that clear what I'd do given I don't fancy movie night anyway. There are a lot of people about but it feels quietly cliquey and in a way quite a nice relaxed vibe. I do plan to do the killer pool tonorrow if it is on.

I don't think I will finish lessons that early and nor do I fancy the stagger back (though Maria's might work, zopilote no as I would really rather not have a phone with me and that path is kind of brutal in a way), but *if* Wednesday happened to be my last lesson I could maybe do wet Wednesday as an external guest as a kind of final blowout, even if I didn't socialise well, treat it a bit more like pizza night last night with some games to maybe break the ice a bit. But then of course I would need Thursday to rexover and I could therefore have had a lesson thu. Except that there is the issue of choosing a natural stopping point for the lessons so I am not necessarily working on "if I am on the island I could have a lesson" and there is also of course the cost of lessons. No need to decide now. Just a note about a possibility.

The main pool has been drained for its weekly clean btw. No real loss as it happens.

While it may wear a bit thin, in the absence of any strongly tempting alternative I will probably do zop pizza night on tuesday if (as is likely) I am here. It may wear a bit thin but it is something to so and is kind of cool. I may even stay at zop after I leave here but depends, Maria's or santa Cruz may be tempting too.

And if I do finish  lessons on Wednesday or am just generally here then, that does not automatically mean I am going to try wet wed. It is just an option. Time being what it is I may decide it is better to get off the island an explore other hostel and social options and seeing other places etc a day earlier.

It is at least conceivable I would come back here next year roe the year after if only to do kitsurfing and I doubt a year or two makes a serious difference in terms of being too old. Not doing wet wed is not going to be a deathbed regret and in theory I could do it in easy mode with a bed on site if I came back with a tiny bit more prep and booked a week or two ahead.

They have not covered the pool over so you could just fall in and get hurt. I quite like this in that not wearing a seatbelt or having safety railings all over the ancient pyramids way.

I didn't have an afternoon shower or change clothes today, due to low supplies and also because I wasnt really interacting with anyone indoors and I suspect sitting around a bit in the xoolia breeE during rain etc helped dry my sweatiness out etc.

I have been on the island two weeks now btw.

1903 just ftr and I have thought this before tonight and sure as fuck am not doing it now but in theory I could walk up to people playing piok and ask if I can join in, play the winner, whatever. I an not really sure that would be on (like they got there first and nay be two friends having a game) but it might be technically. Of course it would be better I'd I wwre better at pool, although I don't think I am so awful it would be utterly insane.

I do feel a bit BNM but really I am just tired and making observations like this to kill time before bed. It is not particularly obvious that in general there is much I could so to semi naturally chat with anyone. I haven't looked closely but I haven't seen Dutch guy from school around anyway even if I wanted to try to push that angle. And my energy is genuinely low in a not bad but honest way.

Cool verging on cold breeze intermittently.

Obviously movie night would offer theoretical rpsopect if a tiny bit of chat but as said already I am not doing it tonight and it would likely be a bit tenuous,  especially if the eight or so people signed up are all one group of existing friends, but yes there night be a few words exchanged and seeds sowed etc. But sure as hell not tonight.

There was a scorpion behind the toilet door earlier. Took some photos  suspect the colors are oddly more intense in the photo but not sure

I am sure I have already said this but apart from being tiring and (fingers crosses not any more) emotionally wearing, they do for better and worse and struture to the trip while they are on, like Spanish classes. I can't just go out of get arbitrarily drunk because I have a regular and often early morning commitment. And then they mean I have "done something" and have less energy and less need to do anything else, whereas without them I would (pros and cons to this) be looking for stuff to do in the form or tours or hikes or kayaking (solo or tour) or that project included with to cycle over to san Ramon and hike the volcano every day. This isn't bad or good, it is just a different pattern etc.

And I have been doing the lessons long enoug h it feels ages since I was in general uncommitted tourist mode making up stuff to do day by day and having that freedom and will feel weird when I do have that freedom again. 

1921 there do seem to be weird intermittent surges of people turning up. I honestly don't feel terrible in the BNM or tiredness sense, but it feels like there is literally nothing to stay up for except waiting for the message to come through telling me lesson time tonorrow. I am probably going for shower and going to bed when that comes through and kf that means I am in bed by 8 then that is absolutely fucking sweet

1947 ok Dutch guy from school just turned up and said hi and we had a five minute or maybe 10 chat, which was nice.

2005 ok, class 8h30. To be fair given I am going to bed now this is not necessarily stupidly early. I am going to send this now and then shower etc.

I am looking forward to class but it is also hard and there is some kind of background "am I going to get this/get better on any half decent timescale" anxiety.

Santa Cruz, Tue evening/Wed/Thu

Tue 1747 starting new entry  still up on v windy mirador constantlyy worrying I will lose my cap. Have taken it off. Big brain moment.

1756 Fwiw I did a rough count and there were about 20 people up at the full moon bonfire thing last nightwhen I wa there. Given people were dipping in and out I suspect the hostel is quite a bit busier than that, thinking vaguely about the bar last night I might pull a figure of 30-40 out of my arse.

2120 fire performers pretty good. Pizza also not bad  atmosphere is technically nice but I feel rather BNM. I did speak functionally to a couple of people (helped a couple of women out with some Spanish, asked a guy at next table where bog was, asked people if we needed to worry - genuine q - when a tarantula which I didn't see was spotted). But no one else seems to have been alone so chances to chat limite. I did just do a quick circuit and the only person alone is a young woman with blue hair who I am not making an effort with.

Lesson tomorrow is also super early at 8 15 bearing in mind the long walk from here and the need to get breakfast first. I did get a second litre and am drinking it now.

I don't feel wrist slittingly awful or anything and am quietly "comfortable" but fuck me this island feels like it is a tough nut socially so far. Not to be fair that things were great n leon or granada, but leon at least had its moments and Granada was like three days.

2156 nearly finished beer  a woman on underpopulated dancefloor just sidbsome "amaeturly impressive" stuff with a big ring hanging about six feet above the floor. Like, she was a bit slow and hesitatn, but fuck me she sort of sat inside the ring and did the leg hanging thing I remember doing on high ropes course with a fucking support line and it is just hgligh enough it would probably be painful andmaybe dangerous if she fell  maybe one of these amateur circus performers.

2159 heading backm it has thinned out cnsdierably. There maybe were 50+ people at peak, I didn't think to count. Quietly good night if we ignore BNM shit

Thu 1635 just ordered expensive 300 pollo al curry (asking for undressed salad at length) at hostel terrace. Some people across room talking about wet Wednesday, they are going, I am a bit surprised they are not there already.

I have experimentally booked in at raindance for two nights starting tomorrow. I feel a bit bad about leaving here but I can maybe come back and while it may just be me I suspect I am also on a hiding to nothing here socially. I have an 830 lesson again tomorrow which isn't ideal as I will have to pack tonight/early tomorrow and leave bag here and then hike back in to get it but not end of world.

Lesson was not too bad. I did manage to get up on the board and ride my first few metres, as I think the jargon has it. I was despairing a bit during lesson, despite to some extent it  being driven out of my head the ongoing social shit is getting to me and I was feeling g a bit crap though fighting it. Utter chaos at points, fighting to recover the boars via body drag etc, half feeling I am drowning. But while I was up for a metre or two at most, I did rode entirely unassisted, body drag with boars out then on and up. And fwiw earlier the instructor helped me get up (in shallower bit) with him controlling kite as I fitted boars and I did during one of those attempts manage to ride very slightly further before more or less face planting.

He was very congratulatory and told other people back at school ("we have a new rider") and people were nice enough. I felt it was a bit "well it took me long enough" and was not as pleased with myself as I'd hope and wondered if people were being patronosing in a nice way but based on some limited research after-wars "first few metres" is a sort of recognized landmark, not just first successful ride without immediately crashing. I do feel a low key satisfaction at least. I will probably so at least two more lessons and take a view on things after that, I could stay another week if I really wanted, but let's see how it goes.

Ftr this lesson marks 17h and 8 days of lessons.

I had an ice cream and a michelada and a sugar coke and some plantain crisp things at beach then came back here and did some laundry and had a shower (in what is not the Japanese shower, as that apparently has walls of vegetation and this has walls of concrete). I also briefly wandered down to the mud bath, which is oddly cool but just a sort of hollow in the land with a water pipe which gets a bit muddy when watered.

So I am eating here partly to try it and partly to save the hike down to the road and back. But I can eg eat at Maria's another night, whereas I will not be hiking in here to eat so I figured give it a go.

1658 not a huge portion but not bad, it probably was real chicken not vegetarian, and I did get the salad undressed. I am gonna go lie in a hammock to sort of prove a point and because it is a bit too early to start drinking.

1738 in hammock. Fwiw I think it was quite temp cool in bed last night and had I nit had to be up so early I might have felt quite cosy in my mosquito net. I did go out to toilet at maybe 1 or 3 but for better or worse didn't see any tarantulas, though there was iirc one of those enormous roads.

The music in the terrace here is sort of vaguely classical instrumental in a sort of classy say but also melancholy as fuck.

A wasp landed in me a bit ago in hammock and I had eyes shut and emitted a yelp imagining it was a tarantula. :-)

1913 left hammock, quite cool looking at darkening sky and stars coming out and being intermittently hodden by clouds.

There was a big cool red dragonfly by the mud bath btw, no photo.

Sitting on terrace doing mild BNM where I was sat when the tarantula was about a few days ago. Got a litre of tona. Will probably not over nurse it and have an early night and maybe pack when finished.

It is a bit quiet but not deserted k assume most people will be at wet Wednesday. One table here is likely all volunteers, and fwiw given the very long term nature of volunteering here (min stay is something like 2 months) I suspect that adda something a bit cliquey.

1924 so it is the table of volunteers, two couples each at their own table, me, and two single women each sitting on their own. In some theoretical sense I suppose I could try talking to them but it feels wrong, if nothing else the fact a) I am sitting at this other table b) even if I had just walked in there are plenty of tables would make it very difficult to make a conversational foray. I suppose if you just don't give a shit it might be possible. I don't think it would be that much better if they were blokes, there would be a bit less stress but fundamentally the problem is making that initial comment which indirectly says "want to chat?" without it seeming unacceptably awkward.

1938 one of those women left, the other was waiting for food and is now eating. I have no real idea but this makes it feel like trying to chat to either would have been a bad idea. It is vaguely possible the one who just left got bored and would have been up for a chat.

Looking round nearer the actual reception there is another couple of couples and another solo woman. The xorrosive thing is that I cannot know if I am just being ridiculously over sensitive or worrying about social norms that don't exist, but even though I cannot really trust my own jusgmenet and that's the whole problem, I really suspect talking to any of them would not really be a great idea. (Yeah, if I had a marginal contact - a few words in a dorm or from some other random encounter - it might be different. On my imperfect judgement.)

Ftr there are some extremely smug quotes and stuff on a board here on terrace which I did snap a photo of earlier about how selfishness and greed etc are the main problem and we need a cultural shift etc etc. Standard eco activist shit really.

2029 really nice dog been running round panting for over half an hour. It came around ne and it took ages before I realised it was looking at a rock on the back of my seat. And a minute more before I realised it had put the rock there and that it wanted to play fetch. And despite the poor environment (other people were doing it too I realised) I did throw the rock for it a short distance several times and it kept bringing it back and it was super cute (a relatively large if not huge dog tool and this is I believe the first time I have ever actually played fetch with a dog.

2031 practically finished beer. I don't feel too bad at all - dog undoubtedly helped - but except for the one solo woman who is reading the social random chat vibe tonight is completely dead, I have an early start, have been drinking quite a lot lately and may srink more tomorrow if fingers crossed there is some sort of nice common area (eg the treehouse bit, which I read about but which I wasnt sure was open to me and didn't try to find or access on my flying visit) and some chance of casual chat. Tbh I may shortly start taking small dlyers like just asking random solos if I can sit at their table and see what happens, as I am both desperate and meta-thirsty for experimental data on whether this is in fact ok or not.

So I sort of cut that sentence off, but basically I may move towards bed and packing.

Male dog btw

Looking forward to and a bit scared of lesson tonorrow.

Fwiw not tonight as such but intermittent quotes that spring to mind during trip include "a hideous dogsnake appears" and (something about the vibe here, not meant pejoratively as such) that line from that Ben Elyon book about pregnancy to the effect that "these hippy birds must have fannies like tanned leather". I have also been singing Major Leagues to myself all the time following that random brief Pavement mention with Harvey on the night hot spring thing.

0706 just left dlrm. Didng want to get up but feel OKish now. Woke up about 0130 (perhaps cos some people came back but prob not) and went out for piss but didn't see any tarantulas or toads. Feel a bit sticky but it is nicer out here than in dorm. But edgy about having to change accom, bit edgy about class, bit sad to be leaving here, vague lingering meta shit feeling about letting al the social shit work me up so much and take the fun out of things a bit. Anyway, let's dump bag at reception and go for breakfast  I have some clothes on the line which I will collect when I come back.

Bought apf 50 lip balm day as suspect lips have been getting sunburned, and wearing some today.

1800 at raindance. Had pizza on terrace. Adopting a slightly fuck it attitude and not feeling too bad at all.

Lesson ok, it pissed down whole at santa Cruz having breakfast but managed to avoid getting caught in it. Wind v light and  lesson a bit odd but probably helpful to see how to control kite in different cknsitoons, I didn't manage to stand up on the boars but  lj did at least try a few times and I suspect the wind wasn't helpful for a novxe, but probably ly slow progress.

Had coffee at cafetin m-something (where they do laundry at 10 cordobas an item, new hostel wants 300 a load btw) and then got a bottle of coke at ocean and went and picked bag and clothes off line at zopilote and took over to raindance where I checked in bug couldn't have dorm til 3. So iwl walked down to balgue and had a haircut at a small barbwr (100+10 tip as he seemed a bit cold at first but did make some Smalltalk with me in Spanish) and then back and got room. Feeling a touch BNM at that point but not too bad and I has a shower and a 30 min treading water srssion in the spring water pool and did happen to speak briefly to some guy who apoligised nicely but unnecessary for colonising the area near my bag and then proper shower and now out here for pizza (finished) and beer once I write this up. Movie night is at 8 but the film is a sirpriae, I just may sign up last minute if lots of space (I am not optimistic a random film will be ok with me given I don't do horror or being lectured) but as not that bothered and don't want to take a space for someone who might have wanted it if I end up walking out not rushing to sign up.

Had a white coffee at another small cafe on walk back from balgue after haircut.

I realised I had lost my litre disposable water bottle when going to dorm and was excessively pissed off, but I went out to town to buy a replacement and went into santa cru on offchance and I had left it there that morning.

I got to pick my own bed in the large cavernous pod-ish 12 bed dorm so picked 8 as that was the only lower bunk. With the mosquito cages I don't think upper bund is a big problem for phone falling but it is still nice to have "ownership" over a bit of floor space.

If I didn't already say after the first few durfing lessons the student wears a helmet with a walkie talkie on top so the instructor has a one way radio link to talk to then while they are some diatance away after various mabouevrea.

It may also be possible to get hot water in a cup here so I may be able to use my remaining capuchino sachets here. No kitchen (so no fuest fridge) but I did know that before I came and it seems that is not something you get on ometepe...

Lip continues feeling a bit sore and eg hurt when hot pizza xheese fell onto it, but probably not too big and deal and hopefully getting better.

1845 if I sleep ok will probably extend here til Monday. Chatting with grok confirms what tibreally already knew that while mildly daffy a single day run from here back to Leon (not Granada, if Grok is wrong Granada would do at a push but aleon would save time and I am not gagging to return to Granada) doable.  But worried they will sell out but see how it goes. I am not saying I am leaving Monday but this will be my earlier departure. I don't want to go on a Sunday.

Not sure this is gonna be super sociable but some limited prospects, I kind of no longer actively care, let the cards fall as they may, just don't over filter myself if opportunities arise and roll with it.

I am vaguely tempted not to srink today - I have been drinking most days, albeit not to excess, just a lot cimulativrly - but we will see. I have juat ordered juice of the day and may have a beer after. Kind of leaning towards an early bed, I am not knackered, if nothing is doing
(And I am not desperate for movie night and so far only one person has signed up and for some reason it is min 2) I may go to bed 830-9 given early start combined with the additional hassle/stress of changing hostel. I may have breakfast here by way of social experiment. Lesson is 830 tonorrow as well which isn't ideal but this hostel is effectively closer than Zop  I just may visit the Zop pizza night which I think is open to public from here if I can extend, walking the path in and out might give me a chance to see some tarantulas but is otherwise fine as there is no reason I wouldn't have a solid phone charge.

If I can't eztens here I will have to think about it but deal with that I'd it happens.

Barber told me there is a party at Raindance on Saturday as well as Wednesday but I am not sure there is. Will bear it in mind anyway.

Barber also asked if I had rented a bike, I said I couldn't drive, he told me about the buses and when I left he popped out into the street to tell me the bus that was coming past would take me to raindance (but I said thanks it was fine as I wanted to walk, which I did).

2017 pretty busy, I suspect movie night didn't happen and so many people about that adda to it. I feel massively out of it, even the apparently solo guys seem to someone know each other and chat internittently. That said, I really actually mostly an not worked up about it, apart from sitting in one of the handful of chairs at the bar (which perhaps feel a bit reserved for staff/volunteers in practice) there is not much I can realistically do to influence things so just have to not get worked up and carry on pleasing myself.

I haven't had a beer yet and because it would be good to have a day off and I see no real prospect of anything happening tonight and will probably go to bed soonish I will resist the very minor temptation to have one  there seems to be some sort of weird crowd movement going on which seems utterly inexplicable, maybe a big group just turned up.

To be fair I am not more out of it than I was at zop and I probably do have slightly more in common with these people (who may also possibly have largely met each other and bonded over the wet Wednesday party last night, of course) than I do the Zop people. Give it time ans don't get worked up about what probably ly is almost entirely out of my control. Will likely do the free pkaya mango trip tomorrow, it may give me an excuse for some ice breaking chat but even if it doesn't it would be good to go for itself. And I may well try to lounge round a bit tomorrow as well both for its own sake ( I haven't really had this one way or another, yes exploring zop estate a bit sort of counts  but not really just trying to chill out and do nothing) and on the offchance this is helpful. But I think (not that I am sure I ever have tbh) I am past doing stuff just on the offchance of meeting people. I have to at least sort of want the activity for itself.

Some old (my age or older) woman and guys were here earlier when I was swimming being frankly a bit annoying. This is semi encouraging.

To be clear the vibe is very much tables of friends with some fluidity as people move around a great each other but the vibe is not like eg that night in Santa Ana early in trip when a sort of amorphous group of the 10ish people in the common area formed out of distinct strangers and maybe pairs of friends.

None of this probably changes my plan to extend to Sun inclusive if I can. There is nowhere obviously better to go, I haven't given this a fair shot yet anyway, this is no worse than anywhere else and with so many people around the chances of something random happening are higher, etc.

I may chance some random chat or passing comment with someone as opportunity permits which may well be easier during the day bit right now don't think that is on the cards. And as always, I don't think age helps but it really isn't the primary factor, which is sort of depressing and sort of reassuring. I think patience combined with modest efforts to just make casual contact and see if things spiral from there is the only workable recipe.

Putting aside the BNM aspect, the atmosphere is not unpleasant. It is lively and not threatening (except with jealousy :-))  and while the music isn't really my preferred style, it is sort of varied and not overly wanky and has solid but not overpowering rhythm at a sane volume which does have me semi moving my feet a bit.

I may however eat at Maria's tomorrow night as I don't want to live on pizza, being here to eat dinner doesn't seen socially relevant and while it was nice not to have to go out tonight, it isn't a huge factor or something I need every night. Especially I'd I may be at the Zop pizza thing on Saturday.

2048 ok, fuck this. It is past the point where it is fun in a quiet way being here on my own (especially with no beer and feeling a bit tired anyway and with an early start), let's go to bed.

2116 in bed. Asked some woman howbtobturn light in pod on but she had just arrived, I figures it out  with the curtains and everything it is quite a nice little private berth.

Fri 0716 just asked about extending, everything is booked, not just my bed in tha tsorm, everything. Wtf. But let's move for breakfast at santa Cruz (tipiico hear takes a while, some one just asked, and i need to get prepped for lesson too, waiting to ask about this delayed me). Shit but let's look onto it further later on, can't be helped, all for the best tin long run, etc etc.

1655 lesson stressful as shit. Walkie talkie didn't work as I was body dragging out with board, it turned out I had allegedly been told all sorts of stuff I hadn't (eg keep turning back to look in case instructor was making signals(  and I got a bollocking for coping with it as best to could (finally stopping after deciding it was weird but not soon enough, not body dragging upwind which I did consider because I was worried I would interfere with one of the other kiters and hurt myself or them, watching very carefully to make sure no one was around and deliberately semi crashing the kite on the water in a controlled way and letting it drag me in, figuring this would since I had avoided anyone being around would be a very clear "this guy doesn't k ow what he is doing" signal). To give myself credit I feel pleased I didn't outright panic at being out there without ditextions.

And then we were doing some water starts nearer shore instructor holding my belt from back to help me get up and I kept face panting (fine) and then losing the kite in apparently unacceptable ways in the fucking chaos afterwards and getting bollocks for that. I nearly lost it with the instructor but said I was getting "stressed" and he asked if I wanted a minute to relax or something. While trying to jolly me along and make chit chat he asked my hobbies and I said learning to swim and I think that made him (legit enough) think I didn't know how to swim and I clarified this was intermediate level stuff like swimming a mile and that I could swim but I have no idea if he is worried about this or not. I didn't think I had shown any particular signs of being nervous in the water qua water but who knows, and to be fair he had never questioned this (beyond me clearing my eyes too much, which I haven't mostly stopped doing) before.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. But I am close enough to the end I don't want to rock the boat too much and will maybe just try to not let him get to me but I suspect he is going to get ragty when  I continue to not follow his instructions because I am just trying to avoid getting bollocks and it all half formed intuition.

I had a white coffee at cafe m-whatsit and tried to mull things over. Two nice little kittens and one was very friendly and even came up on lap and sat there and I had to regretfully eject it. Did make me feel a bit better.

Getting pretty sick of what seems it ought to be a fun challenge turn into what feels like a constant moral beating.

While it was generally sucky there was maybe a hint of slow progress, I did maybe ride 5m before falling off albeit with instructor helping me nount and I am confused as fuck about what I am supposed to so and don't really feel I can ask questions any more. I don't know if I will try to speak to instructor tonorrow or just grind it out and try to mysteriously have a positive attitude.

I am at playa mangos. We came over in the back of a oickuo truck. Didn't speak to anyone and felt a bit shit though to be fair except for a possibly Australian guy talking to two Essex girls who seem to be his friends, no one else was chatting either. I felt generally awkward and a bit shit  got a beer here and some guy sitting on his own at a fairly big table (a general tourist not someone from our group) let me sit at the other end.

I have no sunblock on and am hoping my face isn't going to get burned. I also went out in red t shirt today and my own fault stupidly probably for some burn on arms from walking round post lesson. I did toy with going back to dorm to change it but I was already a bit tight for time ans the under best locker has a hinged up door and the lock ispoaition right under the ladder so you have to kneel on the floor and risk smashing your head on the ladder when you lift it and I decided to just run with the red t shirt. Not a huge deal.

After much dithering and looking at booking I decided that as raindance is only booked up tonight, I have booked back in sun and Mon night. I couldn't get tueada night and obviously not Wednesday. I have booked in qt Maria's as a wildcard gamble with a private single for tomorrow night and will probably walk over to pizza at zopilote and if I happen to chat to anyone that is a minor miracle but otherwise just have a pizza and try to enjoy the fire show and not get worked up about it.

I booked back in at raindance as it is probably a better fit for me (not a good fit - I am old - but a better fit, I am far more "party and beers" than I am "eco-activist new age hippie") and has structured activities (eg I will do the free casino night tonight at 8, and incidentally despite wit being three days in a row I will likely have a pizza tonight when we get back, I had breakfast at santa Cruz as usual by the way) which just might lead to some connection and if not offer minimal social interaction in themselves. I did post on hostelworld chat saying I was solo travelling and asking if anyone wanted a chat or a beer, no response but it was a low stakes experiment and that is after all what the chat is for.

Changing hostel tonorrow and the day after will suck but to be fair they are all close together and raindance will almost certainly guard my bag both days even if Maria's won't.

Quite apart from the psychological issues with the kitsurfing, I have to draw it to a close soonish. I don't have unlimited money or time and I want to get back to the mainland and try some hostels where I may be in with a chance of some chat and I dont want to be absolutely haring it back to san Salvador with no time to do anything en route. I don't know how this will work, I don't have a solid end date, even if things go amazingly from now on I need to stop at some point. I guess having a hostel booked up to and including mlnday nkght semi says that Monday being last lesson is the default position, but if I feel an extra lesson or two might give a better finishing place even if it is  feeling shit I may push it further. As noted before beyond la union volcano and maybe a second crack at volcano boarding are more or less the only specific places/things I want to do, it is more about playing it by ear and trying to relax and enjoying free time (which I haven't had in a semi -good way due to surf lessons, much as when I have had daily Spanish lessons) and experimenting with hostel socialising and just touristing it up.

I don't have to make any decisions on this yet. I can likely leave without too much stress at half a days notice and so I can now just see how things go with the surfing and try to make a decision more Sunday/Monday.

Dorm at Maria's might have been more social but I figured fuck it, get the private, it is cheap. And I don't know if the comedor turns into a pure guests only common space once it shuts to the public at 1930ish  and if for that one day I have nowhere good to hang around for the day not end of world, it is a hit like zop but different where there is a nice terrace to hang out on solo but you can't take a coke in and it is so far from town it isn't just a drop in.

I didn't hanf around at the hostel as much as I planned today but that was 10% surfing thoughts and 90% trying to decide how to deal with not being able to extend. I will probably try to hang out there (for facilities/relaxation, not particularly socially) on my next stay.

It does feel like here on Ometepe here are no mid size hostels with a handful of two of people where you night get xasual chat. It is all almost dead stuff like eg Santa Cruz or big places Raindance and Zop which both have their own mismatches for a solo (and honestly sucky as it is it doesn't feel like being 25 would make much difference). Band because of my choice to surf, I don't want to stray too far away so my choices are limited.

I am not just faking it to say that I am trying to focus - albeit the psychodrama round surfing plus trying to decide on accom plans have intervened today - on enjoying what is good and not getting worked up about a social drought which is probably largely not my fault, not actually a life or trip ruining detail if not exaggerated or catastrophised and which merits a bit of casual mental attention to look for mixro opportunities I might otherwise fail to take but should otherwise just be ignores and left to resolve itself or not resolve and fuck it either way.

There is a platform (I think the water is 2m deep there according to a sign) you can swim out to but most people aren't swimming, I didn't bring trunks, it would be a bit faffy with this short visit (albeit I could have done it),  kind of cool but nothing I didn't do at apoyo and it isn't as if I didn't spend two hours this morning falling into the lake already.

Also a water swing which looks vaguely fun but I would probably never get near and not a major regret either.

Beer here is not cheap at 70 but cheaper than hostel (80) and I had a tona on beach with some spicy chiccharon after coffee at M-whats so this isn't a not drinking day and I will probably have a second beer. Mildly pleased with myself for asking this bloke if I could sit at his table.

1805 not a bad sunset. Brain churning and ruminating a bit.

Fwiw the group I came out with is very heavily dominated by young women, which maybe fives me some excuse for not trying to chat. Might have been like two or three blokes including me and a dozen women or something.

1852 actually joined in chat a bit on way back, oddly enough. Not super matey but not bad. Fwiw the woman I spoke to in dorm last night is actually Italian, from Naples.

Have ordered a pizza (I am at least having gallo pinto so not living entirely off pizza). Will probably do the free casino night at 8 or 830 and depending how that goes aemi early bight. Need to change hostel tomorrow and lesson is at 9 (I had asked for it to be a smidge later but only if it didn't compromise on wind etc).

Fwiw I don't know why but apparently the b-whatsot hostel volcano boarding on leon is far more of a party on tuesday and Saturday iirc. Not sure I want this but someone was saying it on the drive back. (If I so do it, maybe party but also maybe quetzal trekkers as you get two descents and I did already do the parry bus. But we will see.)

2022 no sign of casino night yet. Feel a bit tired. Not down as such but nevertheless slightly lonely. There is an oldish couple here btw. Bit edgy about fucking lesson.

Lyomg on a cushioned sofa-ish thing. My left buttock (not quite) hurts from a bashing impact falling backwards off board this morning btw.

2039 yawning. Tbh I may go to bed at 9  yes there night be minimal social opp with casino night to follow up on minimal chat earlier but not over optimistic and tbh it may not happen at all. Supposed to be free punch.

I think some woman just got a curry. I should check out the menu (albeit I suspect it is expensive) when I come back instead of just going for the pizza or going out.

2117 not mega hacked off except about lesson. But I am tired, I don't expect huge social gains from casino night if it does happen (and I was told 8 or 830, forget which) and I am not too worked up about a free glass of punch. I am going to bed. It was an early start and given hostel switch even with a 9 lesson it is still an earlyish start.

Yeah, this isn't pique with the hostel to be clear. I am just tired and I am not sure it is happening and I am sitting here on my own and my upper left buttock hurts and I had a few beers over the afternoon/evening and an early start and I am going to bed.

2138 in bed.

Santa Cruz, Sat-Tue

Sat 0706 down for breakfast, slightly late but should be ok. As usual kept waking up in night, the bottom fitted sheet will not stay on the bed, rather sort of sweaty vibe but not awful and  am sleeping just in bursts. Been awake since maybe 6ish.

Feel a bit sticky but no time to shower and no point really given I will be in the lake in under two hours. I am sort of nervous about the lesson but also sort of looking forward to it  decision about moving somewhere else is perhaps a bigger worry but I am doubtless making it out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be, just try something and change if it doesn't work. The Tuesday party at ez has some possibility and seems worth trying for and perhaps even instead of Wednesday. And I am not constraining my choice overly much just because of the theoretical wed possibility since I really so want to be near to sc beach for the lessons, and there is nothing really down that way much (at least on booking and hostelworld, there may be small unadvertised places but I do want something a bit on the beaten track here I think) so even if wed party simply didn't exists I would still be looking in sane region because of lessons.  I could obviously just stick on here and perhaps given as I said (repeating self badly) last night a long trip I might stick on here while taking the lessons, but it is socially dead in ways that are sort of peaceful and relaxing but also utterly incompatible with getting even the kind of loose vague travellery chats and contacts which are one of the things I am hoping to get out of this trip, and this isn't just poor social skills or bad luck (except the luck of who if anyone stays), it is really just so quiet and there are (not critical but may help) no organised activities etc. The room is nice for the money in its rusticish way and the staff are decent. No fridge but that isn't a massive killer with the mini market right outside the entrance anyway. But I will have been here a week after tonight and it is probably smart to change.

But lets worry about all this after the lesson when things may be a little clearer.

While the lesson is kind of stressful and hard work at least any concept of being sticky goes completely out of the window.

2014 p7 continues shit. I intermittently mime smashing jt into a thousand fucked up little fragments against a wall or table. What a fucking turd.

Lesson not too bad but a bit rough. Upwind body drag which is actually sometimes pseudo drowning feeling but also sort of cool even if I never get any further, the idea I would ever be (semi) controlling a kite while letting it drag me through the water at what feels like insane speed is somewhat freaky, the sensation is a mixture of exhilaration and drowning unpleasantness.

The instructor gave me a couple of i think mildly angry bollockings for stuff I had not afaict been told before in ways that pissed me off.  Apparently some of this is basic stuff and I am expected to know it by now. I did not escalate at the time. At the end of the lesson he is all sweetness and light and broadly speaking he is not bad during the lesson but this is fucking with my head. I fuck up an exercise, have I committed some major fucking sin or did I just balls an exercise up? Or should or have somehow cut out earlier when my inevitably shitty attempt went wrong? Or am I giving up too early? It is hard to maintain a positive attitude when I am never sure if I am in trouble or not.

That said while progress is slow and this meta dynamic is seriously fucking with my head, there clearly is progress even if it is slow.

Random earlier text which got cut off by writing the above: eyes feeling dry during the next does seem to be a persistent thing. Which is odd as I don't generally seem to notice this feeling during the day.

At the risk of atating the obvious, right now it is far cooler and fresher outside than it is in the room.

So after that I came back to hostel and dixkes around for ages looking at new hostel and have booked at el zop for three nights. This sees me booked in for the Tuesday night pizza party thing. I picked a dorm nearer the road with proper electric  their privates are super pricey. I waed them and asked for a lower bunk and they said yea.

Feeling pretty bnm and not over optimistic about chat etc  but can only try.

I didn't really do anything else with the daily. I was going to relax around the hostel and did have a beer and some snacks but also stupidly got myself embroiled in some insane llm discussions.

I did have my bacon crisp snack puffed rectangle things on the terrace by room and dropped two and then noticed hordes of anta manhandling them with impressive speed over to the vertical side of the concrete terrace and *down the side* (not dropping them) then into the nest at the bottom (they didn't fit in but I came back later and ants had obviously been chopping tiny bits off and carrying them o side). Oddly very cool actually.

I need to "repack" my bag but not a huge deal. I will ask if k can leave it at reception (checkout is 10, lesson tomorrow 930) and I prob can but I'd I can't I will take it to lesson, albeit I'd feels safer splitting my xheese.

I am now out on the hostel terrace feeling a bit quietly shitty and trying to relax. I has a beer and have a bottle of coke. Probably won't drink more.

I have been here a week. I feel vaguely sad to be leaving but I can come back and I really do need to try some social experiments and arrive for a bit of contact with someone.

2110 back in room, have repacked really badly. Feel a bit edgy about logistics tomorrow and being in a dorm again etc and the lesson (frankly I am dreading it, because I am not sure I can take feeling on edge constantly about getting bollocked)  but it is what it is.

I do also have a minor guilty feeling about leaving this hostel, but obviously I don't owe them anything and me leaving after frankly quite a long stay is not any kind of indictment of their service etc. And for all I know I will come back in a few days depending on what happens. But the social angle here has been thin on the ground even if we imagine myself as a charismatic 25 year old, and in reality it has been even thinner. It is just too quiet. I need to re-roll the dice.

Frankly it feels like I have packed wrong and am touristing wrong and doing everything wrong.

2121 I thought I had ciut my foot towards end of lesson walking (nowhere near kite, instructor had it) out of water but saw no obvious blood and I just discovered I have quite a nasty looking gash by my second littlest toe on left foot. I am sure it is fine, it sort of looks like a deep cut in the skin which didn't really go quite all the way through, but not ideal.

Sun 1507 lloyd's typing this on the beach, I don't know if it'll work, so let me just see how this goes. There's obviously a bit of wind, what it may... what has cancelled on the mic or... work.
Okay, it's probably not too bad. I was getting things a bit arsed backwards but things aren't going too badly. I'm sitting here, I've had a mojito out of a can and I'm finishing at Tonya. There's a local, slightly drunk guy who I don't fully understand who's sitting here having a beer. Not a beer, he's just sitting here when I came and sat down. He came over a couple of times and he commiserated with me on my mojito, splashing and fizzing and losing a bit and then he came over and talked to me a bit and begged ten and took fifteen off me. I gave him some change. He's fine, he seems quite a nice guy. I think he's actually gone now.

So, last night was a bit rough. Instead of just chilling I sort of started poking around with some other lens and I got a bit worked up and I'm a twat and I took it too seriously. Anyway, not just that, I was getting a bit worked up about the whole getting bollock thing with the surfing and I really was not feeling good with one thing   and another. And then there was changing things, rooms, hostels, and also although it wasn't a huge deal, we had a power cut from about two till eight in the morning. As it happens I've mostly gone to sleep by that point, maybe it wasn't two, maybe it was more like four, but anyway.

I don't know when it was maybe two maybe four I had a sort of fuck this all epiphany and I sort of mostly actually shook things off in a surprising way I mean I feel a bit billy no mates as well but I don't think I probably said maybe I didn't yeah there were some people that German groups not been around but you know the antipodeann woman was still around with her mate but I hardly even saw them and of course you don't want to horn in when it's already a little group and it's like that hostel really was so quiet I don't blame myself for not chatting more you know I did have a little bit of chat with the tippered in woman and no assume has gone somewhere else because I haven't even seen in three ages and the staff were quite nice it's fine but it really was very quiet right so there were a few people around but honestly it's not really my flaw that I didn't chat much with anyone

I was feeling a bit edgy about the fucking lesson this morning but I had breakfast and I got up and there was no power and it was okay but oh I've got to leave and it's all a bit weird. I did have a work with the instructor I hadn't been sure I thought I might just wait and see how the lesson went and try to adopt a different attitude but because it's so hard to talk when you're out there and the waves are knocking you over all the time and everything I had a chat with him on the beach you know I was nice about it not that I was really complaining but you know I made sure to do it on the beach not in front of anyone else and I said look truthfully I struggled sleeping last night I'm getting really worked up I I can't handle this feeling that I'm gonna get a baller King any minute that I'm really fucking things up and he was quite nice to be honest I mean this doesn't quite jibe with that little bit look we can't be going over this all the time you need to know this stuff you should know this already but you know maybe that was just a little bit of frustration on his part he was really nice about it and I felt a lot better and the lesson generally wasn't too bad he did say some stuff during the lesson like oh yeah everyone's got a different style of learning and you know as a as an instructor it's like that's that's useful for me and your style is completely different that's a bit of a backhanded kind of compliment I mean he did say I don't know whether that's true well I suppose it's not totally unlikely that I'm not the worst student he's ever had by any means and personally I'm reasonably satisfied with the progress given my age and all the other shit I'm dealing with but it's a bit with yeah I've got a unique style for learning but hey what are you gonna do so it's certainly lighting things and the lesson on the whole was pretty good.

And I feel a bit better about the prospect of lessons going forward, the new hospital is about 10-11 minutes further walk away but not the end of the world so I'm signed up for tomorrow. So I'd left my bag at the hostel and I'd left my phone charging on a little shelf because there'd been no power most of the night so it hadn't charged the P7 that is. Broken piece of shit that it is so I was less worried about it getting knocked up and smashing than I might otherwise have been given the screens playing up and while it's not a fucking brick it's you know it's not not where it ought to be. So I went back after the lesson and picked up bag and check that I could go and eat at their restaurant as a non-guest if I wanted. They were very nice you know they really I really did like the place it was very quiet but the staff were really nice in a quiet kind of way and it was good. I went and checked in at zopiloti. I spoke to the nearer entrance some woman said oh it's probably best to go the U-turn path and I said oh with the pack is it better on the road she's no, probably not. And her little daughter goes oh it's a really nice path so I walked down the path and it was actually quite nice it's a bit hot (some bamboo type arch stuff making amazing noise despite light wind) and I got to the reception and I checked in. I've got suspicion I got slightly overcharged because it was supposed to be $25.xx and I gave $20 over and paid the rest in cordobas and it was like 250. Well that's five quid right $5 isn't five quid but it's a pound or two and maybe there wa rounding and I'm not making a fuss about it. Let me stop talking so the voice typing can transcribe this and we'll see if we're doing alright.

For what it's worth on the walkover to the lesson this morning there was a dead spider by side of road but not squashed or maybe a molt, I'm not really sure because it had like the fangs so would a molt have the fangs but anyway there was a spider or a molt at the side of the road it was the biggest spider I have seen in the casual wild you know like I've seen a tarantula on that night walking in Costa Rica but this was not quite classic tarantula size but it was big and it had that kind of fangs kind of quality on the front I mean I don't know what it got on over it was a molt say but just a few photos of it not very good but for the record yeah I think that's probably the largest dead thing spider related that I have seen in a normal everyday kind of situation it was genuine tropical rubber scary spider back in the UK kind of stuff albeit not absolutely enormous

Oh and also flipping back, like the lesson, obviously I wasted a little time with my heart-to-heart moment but we did some sort of kite control exercises and we did a bit of body drag, up and down wind and that wasn't bad, it wasn't brilliant but it was slightly better than it was and I think the wind was a bit different today and it felt a little bit more controlled and the waves were pretty fricking intense and like so I'm doing it okay and then the waves come over and like I can't fucking see a thing and obviously I've got one hand coming I was in control of the kite and the other one stuck out at 30-40 degrees to the kite, upwind to point my body in the direction and control which way I'm going, so you know, I'm not wiping my eyes, I'm not wearing the goggles, the instructor doesn't seem to wear goggles, and I don't think goggles are the issue, it's not even saltwater, remember? So we did some of that, and then right at the end we did do a bit of body drag with the board, man, I mean the board, the handle was coming off so it was all a bit weird and I was struggling to keep the pressure on it and kept getting turned over and the waves were turning over even though we'd moved, but it's like, I must admit, at this stage the board scares the shit out of me because it's like, oh as soon as the thing floating in the water that's going to smash into my face and take my teeth out, but anyway. It wasn't too bad, I mean slow progress, but yes progress I guess, so that was good, and at some points the body drag without the board was like, oh I'm going a bit slower, maybe I've got better control over the kite or it's just the wind and the tide, but it did feel a bit more controlled, to be fair it generally feels fairly controlled when I'm going straight, it's more when I have to change direction and go the other way that it starts to feel a bit more chaotic.

So, I checked in at the hostel and it's kind of nice, it does have a little bit of a belitter or lost and found kind of vibe. It's obviously quite a big estate. I haven't explored it today because I spent a lot of time after I checked in and I did some laundry. One of the nice things, as I suspected, is it's exactly the kind of place that does give you a literal proper sink to do hand washing and there's lines because that's in keeping with their eco hipply vibe and it just happens to suit me. So, after I checked in, I faffed around in the dorm a bit and I went and did a load of laundry and I had a shower and then I had a shave and I also went into reception round the bar kind of area and there's some way you can get water. And there's some dogs, I think there's some sort of dog sanctuary on site but the dogs wander round. One dog was absolutely fucking lovely, a bitch as it happens because I looked but she was letting me stroke her and jumping up at me and really lovely. And this is one of the dogs and I'm literally, I've not even thought about dogs at this point, there's just some dogs around and I'm standing in the cafe area and there's a few other people around and this dog just comes up and starts fucking barking its head off at me in quite an aggressive way and I'm shouting fire at the fucking thing and I'm sure everyone's looking at me but I don't give a shit because the dog's kicked off first. And then someone comes over a volunteer and we chat a bit and she's quite nice, although the whole thing's kind of hippie as she will come back to that in a second. And a few minutes later the dog lets me stroke it, cool, but then a bit later on I'm wandering around somewhere, I don't think I'd shave at this point, maybe it was after I'd shaved something, suddenly that dog sees me again and it's like fucking barking its head off like I'm its worst fucking enemy. It's like I don't think I'm being over sensitive, the way the volunteer and the other people in the restaurant reacted was like oh yeah it does that sometimes, but it wasn't like oh that's just normal friendly dog behaviour, it's like no, that is a bit fucking weird. I mean I'm screaming fire at it, it's not actually going for me, I'm a tiny bit worried I'm going to go back one night, eight, nine o'clock and it's going to have a go but I'm not that worried, it's just a bit freaking weird. The other dog was fucking lovely, a really nice dog, jumped up at me and it was really nice actually, but then as I say this dog that was having a fit let me stroke it, I made peace with it as some woman said and then it still didn't like me a few minutes later it had another go and it's growling and I mean fuck knows, I have no idea.

So I'm still sitting by the beach and there's a few locals around and I think the odd tourists as well but quite a lot of locals but not in huge numbers like maybe 20 of them over 100, 200 meters a beach. The beach isn't very deep there's a little girl drawing a sort of heart on the sand with a stick and writing something in the middle of it. She looks local to me. There's one guy kitesurfing a few people in the water it's quite nice to be honest. By the way the thing is like when you go in the water I've not even thought about it's like when you very first go in and bear in mind this is maybe like nine o'clock 8 30 in the morning sometimes it's not super late the sun hasn't been on it all day it's it's a tiny tiny bit you notice it but it really isn't cold it's not cold um yeah I don't know why whether it's just the weather or something heating but yeah the water's not cold the waves can be pretty fucking annoying but you're not shivering in the water or the wind it doesn't matter that you're absolutely so it's far late at least for two hours

Fire is bad transcript of vaya by the way. I may try shouting callate if it does it again.

So as I say, the hostel site looks quite big, I haven't explored it because according to some posters around town that may or may not be out of date, there might be some sort of free, salter class, no partner needed, no experience needed, some place that I do know and isn't too far from the old hostel or the new hostel at 6 and I might go there if only on a sort of social experiment level, I don't know but I had a shower when I got back and I was going to have another shower but I'm not going to, I bought a new razor and I had a shave and drew blood. So I may do that, so I didn't want to go and get all sweaty excessively, so tomorrow after the lesson I'll probably explore the grounds, I've got some petroglyphs and there's a Japanese shower somewhere and the grounds look really large, like I say a really belita vibe, that's transcribed badly above, I need to fix that if I remember but B-O-L-I-T-A, or lost and found. Really quite nice, you know, I say I haven't had a good look around but I have two more days and there's the pizza night Tuesday and if I like it I'll stay longer. The trouble is, because it's not just rural and oh enjoy the nature and stuff, it's got this eco-hippie semi-activist permaculture vibe, there's all sorts of random little bits of shit.


Like, they don't sell at the bar, and I don't think they allow guests to bring in soda. Alcohol's fine. Soda, no. They don't like aluminium cans, they are forbidden because aluminium is a major polluter in its production, but even though they quite happily sell alcohol in glass bottles, they don't like soda in glass bottles, I guess, because eco-hippie stuff. So I can't take a bottle of coke that either buy there or from the shop and take it and sit in the common areas. I could sit there with a bottle of water or some overpriced fruit juice, maybe, or whatever. This is kind of one reason why I've come down to the beach to have some beers and I'm gonna get a coke in a minute. It's like in the dorm, because I got a dorm that's not too far from reception. There are some electric outlets, the whole thing I kind of think is solar-ish, but, you know, there are some electric outlets to charge your phone, but they're not near the bed, which is fair enough, but you're not allowed to leave something charging unattended. So I cannot leave my power bank charging unattended and then charge from that during the night  and or in my locker and then top it up again the next day. So that kind of constrains things, not necessarily a killer, but, you know, given I've got two phones, I want to read on ond and I want to take one out and stuff like that, and I don't know if my power bank will let me charge one phone from it while it's charging itself over night. Whereas if they just let me leave the power bank on charge at my own risk of theft during the day, that'd be fine, because I could just top the power bank up during the day. But no, I might upset them fire risk, ooh, bad eco, whatever. It's that kind of fucking shit. The showers are very very rustic, but actually quite nice. I've not tried the Japanese shower yet, but I will if I can. It's that sort of enclosed cubicles but no door, just a sort of wrapped round wall and technically anyone could walk in through the open gap, but I don't care that much. But the sign's like, oh, two minute showers max. It's like, it's really quite nice, but these little wanky bits, like the fact that I cannot sit on the hostel terrace with a bottle of Coke that I brought in myself, or that I bought locally because they won't sell me one, is just control freakery shit, you know, but that's that's part of the vibe they've got going. It's not fundamental to an eco-jungly hostel, it's not that far out of town, obviously, but that's how they choose to do it.

So, as I say, I don't know whether the Soulster thing's going to happen tonight, I kind of don't want to do it, but I might do it as an experiment. Whether that happens or not, the plan is basically to go and sit on the common area tonight and have a beer or two from the bar, I have no idea. I think they do sort of artisanal craft beers, but fuck knows whether it's going to be cheaper or not, I'll try and eat somewhere else. As I say, I'll do the Soulster thing if I can, just for a social fucking experiment. I honestly don't know if I'm going to fit in, that volunteer was nice enough, but if that French-Spanish guy that I met, I think he was French basically, the one who pulled up on the moped the other day, spoke to me, he's still there and he wasn't really super hippie, not at all really. I don't know that well, but it might be fine, but I don't want to prejudge it and at least there's a chance I'll sit around and have a beer and read on my phone or whatever, and if anyone wants to talk to me they do. But it's just so fucking hippie. The activity board is like wall-to-wall yoga with the odd like, oh, awaken your tantric sex spirit and they've got posters about all some sorts of touch thing where I assume people sit around and touch each other and it's supposed to be sensual or something and it's like, oh my god, I'm like 10% jealous and 90% cringe, but it's like, it really does have this super fucking eco-hippie vibe, which to be fair, they were very upfront about. But, you know, Bellita or Lost and Found have that nature, out in nature, living with it, yeah, there's insects, hiking, blah blah blah vibe, without this kind of activism or just really yoga-ish stuff which is different. But anyway, as I say, the plan is maybe tomorrow I will have some lessons to explore the site a bit more when I've not got my salsa lesson on the horizon to try and make me worry about getting my clothes dirty or getting extra sweaty or having to change again. But it's not a terribly bad place, you know, I've spoken to one of the people in the dorm, the dorm looks clean, there's a mosquito net, I'm honestly not terribly worried about insects or anything like that, who knows, but it is nice that I was able to do a really good hand wash. I hope the clothes will be nice, especially after a line dry, but we'll see.

And you know, yeah, they're very very upfront about it, so I can't really complain it's like the yoga stuff and all that I'm mentioning just because it's part of the atmosphere, but it's like honestly I didn't quite expect That I couldn't take a coke in or that they wouldn't say it's not that oh they want to sell it You know no no no no the issue is soda is bad So it's like I didn't expect that they don't seem to have an anti-plastic bottle thing I mean there's stuff about filling them up with plastic junk and not throwing them out empty, but it's fine No one's making a fuss about the fact that I'm reusing my plastic bottle for the 200th time But it's not technically a reusable bottle. That's fine They're not being asked about that which I might have expected, but I did not expect I think this is the one thing that really does surprise me that I cannot fucking take a soda in I mean if I did Maybe it would be fine, but you know the fact that they're actively saying this is the one thing that really is surprising me And while not a fucking killer is a little bit fucking annoying.

Oh and like, they don't have a guest kitchen at all, if you are a long term person staying, like over two months or something, they have a special remote area where those people live, and they have their own communal kitchen which only they can use, and even that doesn't have a fridge. So it's like, I don't know whether this is all eco-activism or whether it's a cynical ploy to make you buy stuff at their restaurant or go out, I don't know. I mean it's fine, it's fine, it does seem quite a nice place, I'm not saying the people are going to be terrible, you know, they may not all be fully into this vibe anyway, and people who are into this vibe can be interesting, even if we're not necessarily going to be bosom friends, it's like that volunteer woman at Satoshi in Mexico the other year. She, we didn't spend that much time talking, you know, I'm not that cool, but she was actually quite a slightly weird but interesting person, so you know, it's not like it's all the killer as I keep saying. Anyway, I think I'm going to finish this, I'm going to go back to Ocean Mart and get a bottle of coke and some more snacks because, you know, what the fuck, you know, let's go wild.

1607 got snacks and coke. I do think that, although it's technically not necessary, that being able to do the kite surfing is the swimming lessons paying off in a sense because, it's like today I'm doing the body drag upwind and it's like, yeah, I mean, there's a tiny bit of a fucking, I'm Jesus fucking drowning and coughing water up as the waves smash over me and change the direction and everything and it's like, it was a bit stressful, not terrible, but it's like, I think if I hadn't been swimming That would probably have been worse, and although you're wearing a lifejacket, and technically it doesn't matter, it's like, and you've got the fucking kite attached to you and the wind's blowing on shore, so like, really, with the lifejacket, you aren't going to be able to see it starting on sea, but you're getting blown back to shore, whether you like it or not, but, even so, despite the lifejacket and that, it's like, if I hadn't got the basic swimming experience and spent all that time doing that, I suspect I'd feel a lot more worried, like, ooh, I'm maybe heading out into deeper water and won't be able to stand up or something so yeah I think it is kind of paying off in that sense.

1638 having a quick casual browse through some old photos on the phone. It feels amazing that I was sitting in that hostel in Leon two weeks ago if I'm not confused. Of course my phone also worked properly at that point but you can't have everything.

1708 I probably already said but just in case I didn't like the instructor told me not unpleasantly as such the other day that I've got to stop clearing my eyes but also when you're doing the body drag up wind at least you can't because you know you've got one hand holding the bar and the other hand is stretched out just like to set your direction or something you know I guess the idea is that's why you are not being dragged directly where the kite wants to pull you but you can go up wind so you can't clear your eyes anyway because both hands are occupied that doesn't mean that you're not getting splashes of water in the face especially when the waves kick up and that makes it hard at least for me to know where the hell I'm going or but you know generally the kite seems to sort of mostly take care of itself long enough that you get your vision back properly before it crashes not always of course anyway just to sort of note from this stage of learning

1728 ftr I used all 6 of my plastic clothes pegs for probably first time in trip to hang clothes up after wash earlier

1748 at pan de mama, notionally the salsa class is on, I am dubious but feel I ought to try it on vaguely CBT ish grounds if nothing else. Want a piss and also to wash my hands but the sole toilet is occupied.


1758 will give it a fair shot but not hanging round all night could well imagine v low interest. Used wifi here to check WhatsApp, class tomorrow at 10 which is quite good, gives me plenty of the day but avoids having to be up super early, I may have breakfast at old hostel depending how new one feels, and not having to prep too early in dorm is also good.

Feeling reasonably optimistic about lesson tomorrow.

Not super optimistic about social aspect of hostel but also not actively fussed and will give that a shot. A beer or so (despite having had mojito and beer at beach) would be nice if not insanely expensive even if I just sit there and read on phone or whatever.

1808 handful of people here obv for class.

Was thinking other day the kite stuff was reminding me on James herriots war flying memoir bits with the instructor telling him to do stuff (pull the stick back!) and he felt he was doing it already but he couldn't say "I already am".




There is me and a group of about 3 youngish tourists who look like they are playing a game and there was a my age ish woman 9tdering before me who ibdont see right now.

This may be a cringe fest, it may not happen, but trying at least.


1811 earwigging as newly arrived couple chat with maybe dutch salsa dj. I get something about end of season and tbh suspect it won't happen. Would be a relief  but will try to stick it out and nirse my coffee for another 19 mins or so.

I could go join the chat but don't want to over commit to the dancing.

P7 batt a bit low so trying not to read on it. May need it as torch to navigate paths at ez.

1818 on a random note call me an out of date prude but raindance offering hire of a tattoo gun to drunk people with slogan "drunk? Create your own nightmare" which I saw when there other night feels vaguely irresponsible and a bit off. But my attitude to tattoos is just so atroundingly out of step with most other people these days I am sure this is just me.

Mon 1838 was charging p7 last night so couldn't write on it. Let us catch up.

Skipping ahead, today's lesson not bad at all. I slightly overrated at hostel and also got lost on way out but just had time for usual gallo pinto breakfast at old hostel and then got to lesson. We did body drag upwind with board (wins v strong and I think we were going to upwind but instructor decided it was too strong) and then he showed me how to put feet into the board (I was frankly relieved to see you do not have to somehow scramble onto it, you tilt it 90 degrees and put your feet in the straps and then do a power dive with the kite which pulls you upright) and start to ride. Because I kept getting massively cpbudsed and mainly ending up with the boars with the heel positions a the top when I finished doing the bosy drag with the boars first (j believe this is needed to get further from shore or possibly onto deeper water before trying to start riding, after least a my level of control and safety) I never actually got to try the power dive bit and start riding. I think instructor really wanted me to axhoeve this this lesson and he was I think giving me a tiny bit of extra time but the kite lowt pressure or something and would not fly so it didn't really happen( I have no idea if this was my fault and didn't like to risk asking, but I suspect it wasn't in any significant way).

Fingers crossed for tonorrow.

The cut on my left foot is being slightly painful today and has just started itching (unless that is something else) but I think it is healong it is just par for the course for those kind of nasty but not major skin cut on the foot.

So I did the salsa  which actually turned out to bemeeegnue as it is easier, dance class. About 8 of us with the instructor, one woman ezceaa so to speak so one danced with instructor and I ended up dancing with a fairly nice smiley probably local woman called maybe Ayra. I suggested she lead and she said but she alsokept doing all sorts of stuff not what we had been shown, which was fine for a bit of fun but would have been kind of annoying had I really been trying to learn any of the specific moges we were taught. Still fwiw this may be the first time I have danced with someone since those early evening un official dance lessons at the atitlan party hostel in 2018.

I left after the class. My phone batt was at 9% and I was a bit edgy going down the path to zop but it is last. We were dancing outside on the "step" outside pan de mama and I only noticed at the end that although i had felt quite sweaty all the time, i had somehow rubbed myself a bit raw down in intimate areas. I put some germolene on when went to bed maybe 9 on offchance and later about 1 when I woke up and it still hurt I remembered I had hydrocortisone cream and put some of that on and whatever the cause it was fine this morning.

Between getting back and bed I had a shower I'd I hadn't had one before the class (I can't remember) and then came to bar and got a litre bottle of tona for 140 and sat on own (but not blatantly feeling that a handsomer 25yo person immy place would have had any more social success just from sitting there, there was a young woman sitting on her own too for example) bit not feeling too awkward

Slept pretty well. No fans because eco and solar, but the dorm sides being semi open meant there really was a genuinely pleasant slightly cool breeze now and again.

So after class I went to ocean and their cash machine has an out of order sign. O think I can scrape enough IP for tonorrow at a pjnch and will try to check ocean machine on way out and if it isn't working go one from school to the machine at far end of beach road if I have to. I got some chicharron and a tona mixehlada and a litre of coke zero at ocean and had them on the beach.

Decided I would eztens here for wed night, nowhere else seems massively obviously tempting, I may go to raindance if I am staying on for more lessons but I cannot possibly stay there wed as it will be full and this way I have given zop a fair go and some time to maybe chat and it is quote nice even if the eg no soda rule pisses me off, so far it isn't an insect riddehellhole and I do kind of like the rural pseudo isolated feel.

So I did extend no problem and then wandered round the site a bit, went up the quite cool but mildly scary lookout tower (on way down I went into the lower level platform but the floor was deeply alarming and I immediately left it) and walked down to the petroglyphs by el porcenir. Few locals around which reduced mild edginess re non-existent dogs. Few drops of rain but nothing really started.

Then my second shower and Chang'iled into fresh clothes and walked out to marias for pollo frito and then back in dusk, wasn't using torch but as I got nearer hostel a dog appeared and barked a bit and didn't make a fuss but I felt better with torch on. Then brief fiddle with phones and usb stick backup  in dorm and out here. I am sat in further from bar type area and some groups are having chat round me and where are you from questions suggesting they are not all long term friends but it doesnt feel remotely qppropriqte for me to try to join then and while mildly annoying and BNM ish it is also semi cool to sit here at least with chat around.

Some of the groups talking are vaguely kind of euro smug but maybe I am unfair. Fwiw there are some other tables with loners on. Not that bothered.

Anyway  I think I have wlmore or less caught up. Oh the younger waitres ls woman at Maria's told me the small wiry white ans ginger dog is called Maya.

1911 it feels like I have burned the back of my neck despite being 99% sure (I did it last minute so do remember) I out sunblock on. My skin round lips also feels a bit sore. Neither anything major.

Feel a bit BNM now and a bit guilty for taking up a table but a) fuck em, I paid to be here b) even before I sat down the table only had this one xhair and there is on fact a giant bank of tables put together into a group of about 6 or 8 in the part I was sitting in yesterday, so not doing any harm anyway. It feels vaguely sucky but I can only "be about" and hope as always.

1916 fwiw "family sinner" just announced, I had seen this and didn't want to sign up (six dollars, likely vegan, likely inedoble to me, likely BNM but in hindsight just maybe it might have given me a chance to talk to people, but I didn't even think about that and tbh the other reasons still apply) but this may account for some of the groups in the bar area. And the rearranged fa les. Albeit actually some of the groups aren't here for that.

Dorm is nice and the solid mosquito nets stops at insect worries but it is mildly annoying as I can't sit on my bunk despite having a lower.

I did ask at reception and no need to sign up for pizza night tomorrow, it just starts at the pizzeria place (not been there yet) at 630. Some people talking about signing up to perform which might be cringe but fuck it.

I am feeling dedicedly BNM yet not actively frustrated or annoyed, nor does anyone else actual chat seem particularly something I want to join in with. It may be actually that nearly everyone elee here is doing the buffet, even if some didn't rush up as soon as it was announced.

Lesson is not too 11 tomorrow and while it might be better not to drink too much tonight (nothing went out the widnow when I decided to have  that Michelasa at the beach, plus the fact I can sit here and drink beer or warm filtered water given the stjpid fucking soda rules pushes me towards beer). My consumption is most days lately but no individual day is remotely insane.

I am almost certainly not even trying to attend wet Wednesday. It would be mildly hellish getting back down the paths without a phone and I wouldn't want to take a phone to such a "wet" event and since ei don't now anyone to go with and my "thing" at the moment is the lessons and therefore I am not just casually free all day and don't want to be hngover or take a day off, it really feels best to give it a miss. Tomorrow's pizza night here may have some party vibes and even without that, wet Wednesday would feel forced and awkward and shit given all the above. I may eventually find myself in a hostel where it is natural to have a chat and go out for drinks again, or a hostel with some sort of party (I don't intend to but I could in theory try treehouse on return leg) where it might "just work", but right now - and I really don't think this is sour grapes - it doesnt feel like it remotely fits. If I had been able to get into a dorm at raindance itself that might have fopped the balance or at least somewhat pre-commited me, but as it stands no.

On a general note and trying not to be too optimistic or pessimistic, it is like "joining in with activities"  here to get to know people isn't really on the xarsa both with
My lessons taking me out when most of the tours aeen to happen and the fact I am not a yoga person. I knew all this before I came  I don't regret coming, the place is broadly cool and interesting in itself and I had no other amazing options to try out in terms of accom, social stuff was dead at last hostel, plus it is too early to absolutely write this place off social) y just yet. I can only keep plugging away etc etc. And at 10 dollars a night the dorm is not over expensive which helps keep costs down slightly and I was serious when I said the open-ish walls and the cool breeze from the surroundings did genuinely help at night, and while transparent the mosquito net does add a touch of cubicle style privacy.

1950 huge black spider like the one dead at the side of the road just walked round the floor. I lifted my feet. ;-) but didn't particularly freak out.  Chatgpt was unsure if this was a tarabtula or wandering spider based on pur chat about the dead one the other day.

I am feeling a bit of a sad loser sitting here listening to people talk about xirxua skills courses and stuff. On the other hand, I actually don't feel that bitter. Ot3h I finished this litre and am not pissed but not 100% sure about another. But fuck it, maybe I will.

2001 got beer after queing behind a load of people checking in (at this time?). Some fucker stole my chair which feels scroteyvwhen I had left my bag on table but wth and someone left one of the groups so I asked if I could take her chair. I think I asked in English but not sure.

Tue 1712 so I'm voice typing this up at the Mirador waiting for sunset. Let's just bash some stuff out and see how it goes. So last night I I had my second litre of beer, and someone came over, I'm not feeling a bit pitiful, and she said, oh yeah, we're having that ceremony, the 6-12 full moon thing, I think it actually turns out to be, and I said, oh thanks, yeah, I don't ask if I've kept my beer, she said, no, no, it's an alcohol free space, I don't know if you cut it anyway, it'd be a 5 minute walk away, and I said, oh well, I might cook later then, and anyway, so I sat there, and I didn't rush the beer, and the bar was empty and out, and I was stupid and I chatted to an LM, but I mean, I personally reckon it was pretty quiet, and I don't reckon it would have been appropriate for me to speak to anyone, even if I was 25. Anyway, I sat there listening to some woman in slightly worse spirits than mine, but to be fair, not that much worse, give a virtual monologue to some local woman from Merida, who was sitting at the table next to me, and she's going on and on and on, and it's such fucking stereotypical liberal hippie shit, and she's talking about federal agents or something, and she's talking about some old women's protest in Kenya, which had something to do with some kind of shame attached to people seeing them naked, so they did a protest naked, and she's like, oh, and it's fantastic, maybe it was, I don't know the details of the particular prohibition, maybe that wasn't wanky, the whole thing just felt wanky.

So, despite the LLMs depressing me, I've got to fucking stop doing that, I left and I asked some rather bored, seeming bloke from the staff, presumably where it was, and I wasn't sure, and I wandered round, and I did find some other people who were coming from it and going to it, there was another big spider, the volunteer woman who was there said they were tarantulas, and she's like, oh don't be scared, and they were like, no, no, no, we're not scared, we're just fascinated, she said it was a tarantula, or that seems to be the general consensus, so we'll go with that. I must admit, I didn't startle as much, either with that one, or I followed this volunteer woman up on a bit of chat and we went up to the Temescal, or whatever the hell it was, and it was really about 11 after 10 at this point and I had 2 litres of beer, and it was quite nice actually, I didn't really talk to anyone or feel massively connected, but I sat on the sort of fringes and a couple of times people passed me a coconut shell with a bit of papaya or something like that in it, and there's people playing the I've got LED fire globes and someone's playing the guitar and they're passing it round a bit and all this is fire, I mean it's just laced with a little bit of socialism, oh no we asked for a donation, or social principle, you should pay what you can, you know, if you're well off you should pay more. I don't know exactly why they're doing this given it's part of the hostel experience and like the actual literal expense is a bit of firewood or something, and a bit of a papaya, but I mean I didn't begrudge them so I stick 50 in the box, I don't know whether that was enough, but anywhere any other night there's people saying stuff, I can't remember what they're saying stuff about, all energy and vibrations and all the full moon or the moon or whatever and it's not. Not quite my bag, but you know fair play to them, the actual atmosphere was quite nice all the same, I mean if I just sat there not even trying to talk to anyone, I kind of wish I'd gone earlier, but then I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out. I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out.

So I left that about 11.30pm and I went and cleaned my teeth and went to bed. I felt basically okay, I mean that was certainly better than I'd expected. I woke up maybe 1am, 3am, not sure, maybe I was slightly drunk, but anyway, and I was sort of waking up from this strange, not quite nightmare where I didn't know where I was and I was all disoriented and I was vaguely mangled, kitesurfing, getting carried off into the sky and it was all just a bit weird. And then it's like I sort of realised, oh yeah, yeah, I'm in the dorm, I'm in the hostel and everything's fine, but as it wasn't a nightmare it was just a bit weird, fights quite sweaty in the night to be honest, I had a shower first thing in the morning because it was the late start, then I wandered over to hostel Santa Cruz and had my usual breakfast there and then I went into Ocean Mart and the cash machine was working and I got $500 out so that's something and then I went up to the lesson at 11.30.

The lesson wasn't bad in terms of general stuff. I didn't manage to ride again, which is a bit disappointing, but it is what it is. The wind seemed quite choppy to me. I mean, there were one or two points where the wind dropped for a fraction of a second. Anyway, so I did a lot of, oh hell, what's it called, a lot of body drag upwind with the board to, you know, get to a position where I could try to sort of get on the board. And that was getting better, the instructor said it was getting better, and I must say I could feel that. Actually getting on the board, absolute nightmare. I mean, he gave me some tips at the end of the lesson. I'm going to ask some questions tomorrow. I'm moderately optimistic I might get it. I must say there was an awful lot of like trying to get it on my feet and then I never got really to the point. Once or twice maybe of doing the power dive to get it going, but I think I had the board at the wrong angle. And there was an awful lot of losing the board and then I'm worried it's going to smash into my skull as it's behind me or take my teeth out. And then it's like sometimes I'm having to do the body drag without the board to get back to the board to recover it. And this is not perfect. And at times, especially if I've just sort of tried to taste, trying to start riding with the board, I'm getting seriously disoriented once I got quite near the beach and I was like feeling the sand dragging under me. And other times I'm out a bit further and it's like, I'm just getting tossed and turned in the waves and I'm trying to keep control of the kite and the kite is dragging me back and forth. And I'm not quite drowning and it's not quite panicking, but I'm getting a bit waterlogged and a bit and yeah, I mean, it was kind of all right. It's a shame I didn't manage to ride, but I think I'm getting closer. I think there is progress. Obviously it's a shame I'm not going faster, but can't be helped, you know, no prior experience, fairly old, never done anything like this. So yeah, not too bad. I'm still not quite sure how far I'm going to take it, but my original sort of rough budget estimate did see me allowing up to 20 hours. So I still have kind of two and a half days to go. And apparently I think I'm basically paying like $94 for two hours now, which isn't too bad.

So I'm just smashing this out on the voice-typing, I'm not going anywhere to correct it. I mean, you know, just to follow on from that, it's like, see, you know, I'm out there and I've failed to sort of get on the board and I'm trying to recover the board and I'm going one direction, I'm trying to do a body drag without the board to get near it and I do that sometimes and it works quite well and then I start to lose the kite or I've just fallen off and like waves are smashing over me and I can't see where the hell I'm going but the kite is magically still more or less in the air and then I do manage to recover it but then after that I'm still a bit screwed and I lose it the next time. I say I don't think I'm doing too badly, I think I am getting better, it's just slower than I would like, you know, I don't really look normal anyway of course, do I? But yeah, it is sort of fun, a little bit stressful when it gets that intense but yeah, it is kind of fun and so anyway, that's that.

So afterwards I went and I got a packet of bacon snack things like the ones the ants entertained me with the other day and a bottle of sugarcoats, they had no coke zero at Ocean Mart and I sat on the beach wall for a bit and that was fine and I like because there's a pizza thing tonight I didn't really eat it elsewhere and it's like solid so I stayed there and I came back to the hostel and I did some washing and then I think I wandered up towards the petroglyphs at the north end nothing amazing but sort of cool in their way and I went in what I think might be the Japanese shower which is just a sort of it is the same thing it's just a basic shower it's quite a powerful flow compared to the others even it's just coming from a stopcock type pipe it's just like the other showers but it's open to the air and that the area is a bit larger rather than you being in a fairly small concretey shower cubicle thing it was quite nice and I think amazing maybe it's not the thing I thought it was and then so I've come back up here I've got the P7 with me I can't really see the sunset going somewhere super brilliant of you but I might as well stay here and watch it I'm not worried about getting down I'm not super optimistic about chatting to anyone tonight maybe it's just me being negative but it's like I think I've passed where the pizza place is it's like there's lots of separate tables I mean I'm fairly sure I can't just walk up to a random table of people unless there's literally nowhere else to sit and it would still be awkward as fuck and well don't get me wrong I'm not feeling like awful or terrible anything it's just been so long since I've had what you might call a normal hostile common area conversation with anyone that I think I've lost any kind of faith that it happens or that it can ever happen with me anyway I mean I'll go I'll have a probably overpriced pizza there might be meat options I'm not sure but you know vegan will do I can have a few beers and there should be some sort of show fire show or something and maybe I will chat to someone maybe it'll be easy or maybe I'll make an effort but I'm not entirely clear I'm gonna see an opening to make an effort but it is what it is you know I've got a lesson tomorrow I don't know what time it is yet but I've noticed I'm in massive piss-off if I have like two litres of beer that's probably fine that's what I did yesterday yeah so I'm up here at the Mirador type place for the not not the Tower one but you know this place for the sunset that the volunteer did point out to me yesterday it doesn't really seem to be setting anywhere great but so it's already half seven sorry half five so sunset is about six the pizza thing I think nominally starts at six but I don't think you have to be there at six and honestly I don't know what's gonna happen I'm probably just gonna sit around like I would in the bar watching stuff but anyway we'll see how it goes I'm not feeling terrible it's just that I don't have an amazingly upbeat attitude but I don't think that's entirely unjustified I've said hi to a few people walking around the paths and stuff I really don't feel like I fit in then I often don't anyway I'm just talking shit now don't take any of this too seriously

I did call Dad from the beach when I was sitting there after I'd had my coke and my snack and that was actually quite a nice chat and one was busy. So that was something. Everything is basically okay. It's just, and I may even extend here, it kind of depends. I'm already booked in for tomorrow night. It kind of depends how long I expect to be around with the kite surfing. I'm not saying I won't stay longer if it feels I'm making progress or I want to try and cement things before I go. But we'll just have to see. So I may end up extending here or I may end up going somewhere else after Wednesday. We'll just take it a day at a time. It's not a big deal. So yeah, there we go. Try and be positive. If nothing happens, it's not necessarily my fault or social skill. It is, maybe it's not, but it's just such a slimy odd environment. Well, not that I really know what it's going to be like tonight. But anyway, there we are. I think I'm going to splash this out. I'm probably going to send this in a second because it's just been building up and up and up. I want to get it out before something happens.

Oh, if I didn't say it feels like my sort of ribs or the muscles or whatever in that area, I kind of saw from being bounced up and down on the board during the body drag. I don't think it's a big deal, just a note. There's a couple of people on top of the Mirador Tower. I just sort of waved to them. I don't think they saw me, but it's nice to see someone else up there. Okay, I'll stop waffling now.