Sat 0706 down for breakfast, slightly late but should be ok. As usual kept waking up in night, the bottom fitted sheet will not stay on the bed, rather sort of sweaty vibe but not awful and am sleeping just in bursts. Been awake since maybe 6ish.
Feel a bit sticky but no time to shower and no point really given I will be in the lake in under two hours. I am sort of nervous about the lesson but also sort of looking forward to it decision about moving somewhere else is perhaps a bigger worry but I am doubtless making it out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be, just try something and change if it doesn't work. The Tuesday party at ez has some possibility and seems worth trying for and perhaps even instead of Wednesday. And I am not constraining my choice overly much just because of the theoretical wed possibility since I really so want to be near to sc beach for the lessons, and there is nothing really down that way much (at least on booking and hostelworld, there may be small unadvertised places but I do want something a bit on the beaten track here I think) so even if wed party simply didn't exists I would still be looking in sane region because of lessons. I could obviously just stick on here and perhaps given as I said (repeating self badly) last night a long trip I might stick on here while taking the lessons, but it is socially dead in ways that are sort of peaceful and relaxing but also utterly incompatible with getting even the kind of loose vague travellery chats and contacts which are one of the things I am hoping to get out of this trip, and this isn't just poor social skills or bad luck (except the luck of who if anyone stays), it is really just so quiet and there are (not critical but may help) no organised activities etc. The room is nice for the money in its rusticish way and the staff are decent. No fridge but that isn't a massive killer with the mini market right outside the entrance anyway. But I will have been here a week after tonight and it is probably smart to change.
But lets worry about all this after the lesson when things may be a little clearer.
While the lesson is kind of stressful and hard work at least any concept of being sticky goes completely out of the window.
2014 p7 continues shit. I intermittently mime smashing jt into a thousand fucked up little fragments against a wall or table. What a fucking turd.
Lesson not too bad but a bit rough. Upwind body drag which is actually sometimes pseudo drowning feeling but also sort of cool even if I never get any further, the idea I would ever be (semi) controlling a kite while letting it drag me through the water at what feels like insane speed is somewhat freaky, the sensation is a mixture of exhilaration and drowning unpleasantness.
The instructor gave me a couple of i think mildly angry bollockings for stuff I had not afaict been told before in ways that pissed me off. Apparently some of this is basic stuff and I am expected to know it by now. I did not escalate at the time. At the end of the lesson he is all sweetness and light and broadly speaking he is not bad during the lesson but this is fucking with my head. I fuck up an exercise, have I committed some major fucking sin or did I just balls an exercise up? Or should or have somehow cut out earlier when my inevitably shitty attempt went wrong? Or am I giving up too early? It is hard to maintain a positive attitude when I am never sure if I am in trouble or not.
That said while progress is slow and this meta dynamic is seriously fucking with my head, there clearly is progress even if it is slow.
Random earlier text which got cut off by writing the above: eyes feeling dry during the next does seem to be a persistent thing. Which is odd as I don't generally seem to notice this feeling during the day.
At the risk of atating the obvious, right now it is far cooler and fresher outside than it is in the room.
So after that I came back to hostel and dixkes around for ages looking at new hostel and have booked at el zop for three nights. This sees me booked in for the Tuesday night pizza party thing. I picked a dorm nearer the road with proper electric their privates are super pricey. I waed them and asked for a lower bunk and they said yea.
Feeling pretty bnm and not over optimistic about chat etc but can only try.
I didn't really do anything else with the daily. I was going to relax around the hostel and did have a beer and some snacks but also stupidly got myself embroiled in some insane llm discussions.
I did have my bacon crisp snack puffed rectangle things on the terrace by room and dropped two and then noticed hordes of anta manhandling them with impressive speed over to the vertical side of the concrete terrace and *down the side* (not dropping them) then into the nest at the bottom (they didn't fit in but I came back later and ants had obviously been chopping tiny bits off and carrying them o side). Oddly very cool actually.
I need to "repack" my bag but not a huge deal. I will ask if k can leave it at reception (checkout is 10, lesson tomorrow 930) and I prob can but I'd I can't I will take it to lesson, albeit I'd feels safer splitting my xheese.
I am now out on the hostel terrace feeling a bit quietly shitty and trying to relax. I has a beer and have a bottle of coke. Probably won't drink more.
I have been here a week. I feel vaguely sad to be leaving but I can come back and I really do need to try some social experiments and arrive for a bit of contact with someone.
2110 back in room, have repacked really badly. Feel a bit edgy about logistics tomorrow and being in a dorm again etc and the lesson (frankly I am dreading it, because I am not sure I can take feeling on edge constantly about getting bollocked) but it is what it is.
I do also have a minor guilty feeling about leaving this hostel, but obviously I don't owe them anything and me leaving after frankly quite a long stay is not any kind of indictment of their service etc. And for all I know I will come back in a few days depending on what happens. But the social angle here has been thin on the ground even if we imagine myself as a charismatic 25 year old, and in reality it has been even thinner. It is just too quiet. I need to re-roll the dice.
Frankly it feels like I have packed wrong and am touristing wrong and doing everything wrong.
2121 I thought I had ciut my foot towards end of lesson walking (nowhere near kite, instructor had it) out of water but saw no obvious blood and I just discovered I have quite a nasty looking gash by my second littlest toe on left foot. I am sure it is fine, it sort of looks like a deep cut in the skin which didn't really go quite all the way through, but not ideal.
Sun 1507 lloyd's typing this on the beach, I don't know if it'll work, so let me just see how this goes. There's obviously a bit of wind, what it may... what has cancelled on the mic or... work.
Okay, it's probably not too bad. I was getting things a bit arsed backwards but things aren't going too badly. I'm sitting here, I've had a mojito out of a can and I'm finishing at Tonya. There's a local, slightly drunk guy who I don't fully understand who's sitting here having a beer. Not a beer, he's just sitting here when I came and sat down. He came over a couple of times and he commiserated with me on my mojito, splashing and fizzing and losing a bit and then he came over and talked to me a bit and begged ten and took fifteen off me. I gave him some change. He's fine, he seems quite a nice guy. I think he's actually gone now.
So, last night was a bit rough. Instead of just chilling I sort of started poking around with some other lens and I got a bit worked up and I'm a twat and I took it too seriously. Anyway, not just that, I was getting a bit worked up about the whole getting bollock thing with the surfing and I really was not feeling good with one thing and another. And then there was changing things, rooms, hostels, and also although it wasn't a huge deal, we had a power cut from about two till eight in the morning. As it happens I've mostly gone to sleep by that point, maybe it wasn't two, maybe it was more like four, but anyway.
I don't know when it was maybe two maybe four I had a sort of fuck this all epiphany and I sort of mostly actually shook things off in a surprising way I mean I feel a bit billy no mates as well but I don't think I probably said maybe I didn't yeah there were some people that German groups not been around but you know the antipodeann woman was still around with her mate but I hardly even saw them and of course you don't want to horn in when it's already a little group and it's like that hostel really was so quiet I don't blame myself for not chatting more you know I did have a little bit of chat with the tippered in woman and no assume has gone somewhere else because I haven't even seen in three ages and the staff were quite nice it's fine but it really was very quiet right so there were a few people around but honestly it's not really my flaw that I didn't chat much with anyone
I was feeling a bit edgy about the fucking lesson this morning but I had breakfast and I got up and there was no power and it was okay but oh I've got to leave and it's all a bit weird. I did have a work with the instructor I hadn't been sure I thought I might just wait and see how the lesson went and try to adopt a different attitude but because it's so hard to talk when you're out there and the waves are knocking you over all the time and everything I had a chat with him on the beach you know I was nice about it not that I was really complaining but you know I made sure to do it on the beach not in front of anyone else and I said look truthfully I struggled sleeping last night I'm getting really worked up I I can't handle this feeling that I'm gonna get a baller King any minute that I'm really fucking things up and he was quite nice to be honest I mean this doesn't quite jibe with that little bit look we can't be going over this all the time you need to know this stuff you should know this already but you know maybe that was just a little bit of frustration on his part he was really nice about it and I felt a lot better and the lesson generally wasn't too bad he did say some stuff during the lesson like oh yeah everyone's got a different style of learning and you know as a as an instructor it's like that's that's useful for me and your style is completely different that's a bit of a backhanded kind of compliment I mean he did say I don't know whether that's true well I suppose it's not totally unlikely that I'm not the worst student he's ever had by any means and personally I'm reasonably satisfied with the progress given my age and all the other shit I'm dealing with but it's a bit with yeah I've got a unique style for learning but hey what are you gonna do so it's certainly lighting things and the lesson on the whole was pretty good.
And I feel a bit better about the prospect of lessons going forward, the new hospital is about 10-11 minutes further walk away but not the end of the world so I'm signed up for tomorrow. So I'd left my bag at the hostel and I'd left my phone charging on a little shelf because there'd been no power most of the night so it hadn't charged the P7 that is. Broken piece of shit that it is so I was less worried about it getting knocked up and smashing than I might otherwise have been given the screens playing up and while it's not a fucking brick it's you know it's not not where it ought to be. So I went back after the lesson and picked up bag and check that I could go and eat at their restaurant as a non-guest if I wanted. They were very nice you know they really I really did like the place it was very quiet but the staff were really nice in a quiet kind of way and it was good. I went and checked in at zopiloti. I spoke to the nearer entrance some woman said oh it's probably best to go the U-turn path and I said oh with the pack is it better on the road she's no, probably not. And her little daughter goes oh it's a really nice path so I walked down the path and it was actually quite nice it's a bit hot (some bamboo type arch stuff making amazing noise despite light wind) and I got to the reception and I checked in. I've got suspicion I got slightly overcharged because it was supposed to be $25.xx and I gave $20 over and paid the rest in cordobas and it was like 250. Well that's five quid right $5 isn't five quid but it's a pound or two and maybe there wa rounding and I'm not making a fuss about it. Let me stop talking so the voice typing can transcribe this and we'll see if we're doing alright.
For what it's worth on the walkover to the lesson this morning there was a dead spider by side of road but not squashed or maybe a molt, I'm not really sure because it had like the fangs so would a molt have the fangs but anyway there was a spider or a molt at the side of the road it was the biggest spider I have seen in the casual wild you know like I've seen a tarantula on that night walking in Costa Rica but this was not quite classic tarantula size but it was big and it had that kind of fangs kind of quality on the front I mean I don't know what it got on over it was a molt say but just a few photos of it not very good but for the record yeah I think that's probably the largest dead thing spider related that I have seen in a normal everyday kind of situation it was genuine tropical rubber scary spider back in the UK kind of stuff albeit not absolutely enormous
Oh and also flipping back, like the lesson, obviously I wasted a little time with my heart-to-heart moment but we did some sort of kite control exercises and we did a bit of body drag, up and down wind and that wasn't bad, it wasn't brilliant but it was slightly better than it was and I think the wind was a bit different today and it felt a little bit more controlled and the waves were pretty fricking intense and like so I'm doing it okay and then the waves come over and like I can't fucking see a thing and obviously I've got one hand coming I was in control of the kite and the other one stuck out at 30-40 degrees to the kite, upwind to point my body in the direction and control which way I'm going, so you know, I'm not wiping my eyes, I'm not wearing the goggles, the instructor doesn't seem to wear goggles, and I don't think goggles are the issue, it's not even saltwater, remember? So we did some of that, and then right at the end we did do a bit of body drag with the board, man, I mean the board, the handle was coming off so it was all a bit weird and I was struggling to keep the pressure on it and kept getting turned over and the waves were turning over even though we'd moved, but it's like, I must admit, at this stage the board scares the shit out of me because it's like, oh as soon as the thing floating in the water that's going to smash into my face and take my teeth out, but anyway. It wasn't too bad, I mean slow progress, but yes progress I guess, so that was good, and at some points the body drag without the board was like, oh I'm going a bit slower, maybe I've got better control over the kite or it's just the wind and the tide, but it did feel a bit more controlled, to be fair it generally feels fairly controlled when I'm going straight, it's more when I have to change direction and go the other way that it starts to feel a bit more chaotic.
So, I checked in at the hostel and it's kind of nice, it does have a little bit of a belitter or lost and found kind of vibe. It's obviously quite a big estate. I haven't explored it today because I spent a lot of time after I checked in and I did some laundry. One of the nice things, as I suspected, is it's exactly the kind of place that does give you a literal proper sink to do hand washing and there's lines because that's in keeping with their eco hipply vibe and it just happens to suit me. So, after I checked in, I faffed around in the dorm a bit and I went and did a load of laundry and I had a shower and then I had a shave and I also went into reception round the bar kind of area and there's some way you can get water. And there's some dogs, I think there's some sort of dog sanctuary on site but the dogs wander round. One dog was absolutely fucking lovely, a bitch as it happens because I looked but she was letting me stroke her and jumping up at me and really lovely. And this is one of the dogs and I'm literally, I've not even thought about dogs at this point, there's just some dogs around and I'm standing in the cafe area and there's a few other people around and this dog just comes up and starts fucking barking its head off at me in quite an aggressive way and I'm shouting fire at the fucking thing and I'm sure everyone's looking at me but I don't give a shit because the dog's kicked off first. And then someone comes over a volunteer and we chat a bit and she's quite nice, although the whole thing's kind of hippie as she will come back to that in a second. And a few minutes later the dog lets me stroke it, cool, but then a bit later on I'm wandering around somewhere, I don't think I'd shave at this point, maybe it was after I'd shaved something, suddenly that dog sees me again and it's like fucking barking its head off like I'm its worst fucking enemy. It's like I don't think I'm being over sensitive, the way the volunteer and the other people in the restaurant reacted was like oh yeah it does that sometimes, but it wasn't like oh that's just normal friendly dog behaviour, it's like no, that is a bit fucking weird. I mean I'm screaming fire at it, it's not actually going for me, I'm a tiny bit worried I'm going to go back one night, eight, nine o'clock and it's going to have a go but I'm not that worried, it's just a bit freaking weird. The other dog was fucking lovely, a really nice dog, jumped up at me and it was really nice actually, but then as I say this dog that was having a fit let me stroke it, I made peace with it as some woman said and then it still didn't like me a few minutes later it had another go and it's growling and I mean fuck knows, I have no idea.
So I'm still sitting by the beach and there's a few locals around and I think the odd tourists as well but quite a lot of locals but not in huge numbers like maybe 20 of them over 100, 200 meters a beach. The beach isn't very deep there's a little girl drawing a sort of heart on the sand with a stick and writing something in the middle of it. She looks local to me. There's one guy kitesurfing a few people in the water it's quite nice to be honest. By the way the thing is like when you go in the water I've not even thought about it's like when you very first go in and bear in mind this is maybe like nine o'clock 8 30 in the morning sometimes it's not super late the sun hasn't been on it all day it's it's a tiny tiny bit you notice it but it really isn't cold it's not cold um yeah I don't know why whether it's just the weather or something heating but yeah the water's not cold the waves can be pretty fucking annoying but you're not shivering in the water or the wind it doesn't matter that you're absolutely so it's far late at least for two hours
Fire is bad transcript of vaya by the way. I may try shouting callate if it does it again.
So as I say, the hostel site looks quite big, I haven't explored it because according to some posters around town that may or may not be out of date, there might be some sort of free, salter class, no partner needed, no experience needed, some place that I do know and isn't too far from the old hostel or the new hostel at 6 and I might go there if only on a sort of social experiment level, I don't know but I had a shower when I got back and I was going to have another shower but I'm not going to, I bought a new razor and I had a shave and drew blood. So I may do that, so I didn't want to go and get all sweaty excessively, so tomorrow after the lesson I'll probably explore the grounds, I've got some petroglyphs and there's a Japanese shower somewhere and the grounds look really large, like I say a really belita vibe, that's transcribed badly above, I need to fix that if I remember but B-O-L-I-T-A, or lost and found. Really quite nice, you know, I say I haven't had a good look around but I have two more days and there's the pizza night Tuesday and if I like it I'll stay longer. The trouble is, because it's not just rural and oh enjoy the nature and stuff, it's got this eco-hippie semi-activist permaculture vibe, there's all sorts of random little bits of shit.
Like, they don't sell at the bar, and I don't think they allow guests to bring in soda. Alcohol's fine. Soda, no. They don't like aluminium cans, they are forbidden because aluminium is a major polluter in its production, but even though they quite happily sell alcohol in glass bottles, they don't like soda in glass bottles, I guess, because eco-hippie stuff. So I can't take a bottle of coke that either buy there or from the shop and take it and sit in the common areas. I could sit there with a bottle of water or some overpriced fruit juice, maybe, or whatever. This is kind of one reason why I've come down to the beach to have some beers and I'm gonna get a coke in a minute. It's like in the dorm, because I got a dorm that's not too far from reception. There are some electric outlets, the whole thing I kind of think is solar-ish, but, you know, there are some electric outlets to charge your phone, but they're not near the bed, which is fair enough, but you're not allowed to leave something charging unattended. So I cannot leave my power bank charging unattended and then charge from that during the night and or in my locker and then top it up again the next day. So that kind of constrains things, not necessarily a killer, but, you know, given I've got two phones, I want to read on ond and I want to take one out and stuff like that, and I don't know if my power bank will let me charge one phone from it while it's charging itself over night. Whereas if they just let me leave the power bank on charge at my own risk of theft during the day, that'd be fine, because I could just top the power bank up during the day. But no, I might upset them fire risk, ooh, bad eco, whatever. It's that kind of fucking shit. The showers are very very rustic, but actually quite nice. I've not tried the Japanese shower yet, but I will if I can. It's that sort of enclosed cubicles but no door, just a sort of wrapped round wall and technically anyone could walk in through the open gap, but I don't care that much. But the sign's like, oh, two minute showers max. It's like, it's really quite nice, but these little wanky bits, like the fact that I cannot sit on the hostel terrace with a bottle of Coke that I brought in myself, or that I bought locally because they won't sell me one, is just control freakery shit, you know, but that's that's part of the vibe they've got going. It's not fundamental to an eco-jungly hostel, it's not that far out of town, obviously, but that's how they choose to do it.
So, as I say, I don't know whether the Soulster thing's going to happen tonight, I kind of don't want to do it, but I might do it as an experiment. Whether that happens or not, the plan is basically to go and sit on the common area tonight and have a beer or two from the bar, I have no idea. I think they do sort of artisanal craft beers, but fuck knows whether it's going to be cheaper or not, I'll try and eat somewhere else. As I say, I'll do the Soulster thing if I can, just for a social fucking experiment. I honestly don't know if I'm going to fit in, that volunteer was nice enough, but if that French-Spanish guy that I met, I think he was French basically, the one who pulled up on the moped the other day, spoke to me, he's still there and he wasn't really super hippie, not at all really. I don't know that well, but it might be fine, but I don't want to prejudge it and at least there's a chance I'll sit around and have a beer and read on my phone or whatever, and if anyone wants to talk to me they do. But it's just so fucking hippie. The activity board is like wall-to-wall yoga with the odd like, oh, awaken your tantric sex spirit and they've got posters about all some sorts of touch thing where I assume people sit around and touch each other and it's supposed to be sensual or something and it's like, oh my god, I'm like 10% jealous and 90% cringe, but it's like, it really does have this super fucking eco-hippie vibe, which to be fair, they were very upfront about. But, you know, Bellita or Lost and Found have that nature, out in nature, living with it, yeah, there's insects, hiking, blah blah blah vibe, without this kind of activism or just really yoga-ish stuff which is different. But anyway, as I say, the plan is maybe tomorrow I will have some lessons to explore the site a bit more when I've not got my salsa lesson on the horizon to try and make me worry about getting my clothes dirty or getting extra sweaty or having to change again. But it's not a terribly bad place, you know, I've spoken to one of the people in the dorm, the dorm looks clean, there's a mosquito net, I'm honestly not terribly worried about insects or anything like that, who knows, but it is nice that I was able to do a really good hand wash. I hope the clothes will be nice, especially after a line dry, but we'll see.
And you know, yeah, they're very very upfront about it, so I can't really complain it's like the yoga stuff and all that I'm mentioning just because it's part of the atmosphere, but it's like honestly I didn't quite expect That I couldn't take a coke in or that they wouldn't say it's not that oh they want to sell it You know no no no no the issue is soda is bad So it's like I didn't expect that they don't seem to have an anti-plastic bottle thing I mean there's stuff about filling them up with plastic junk and not throwing them out empty, but it's fine No one's making a fuss about the fact that I'm reusing my plastic bottle for the 200th time But it's not technically a reusable bottle. That's fine They're not being asked about that which I might have expected, but I did not expect I think this is the one thing that really does surprise me that I cannot fucking take a soda in I mean if I did Maybe it would be fine, but you know the fact that they're actively saying this is the one thing that really is surprising me And while not a fucking killer is a little bit fucking annoying.
Oh and like, they don't have a guest kitchen at all, if you are a long term person staying, like over two months or something, they have a special remote area where those people live, and they have their own communal kitchen which only they can use, and even that doesn't have a fridge. So it's like, I don't know whether this is all eco-activism or whether it's a cynical ploy to make you buy stuff at their restaurant or go out, I don't know. I mean it's fine, it's fine, it does seem quite a nice place, I'm not saying the people are going to be terrible, you know, they may not all be fully into this vibe anyway, and people who are into this vibe can be interesting, even if we're not necessarily going to be bosom friends, it's like that volunteer woman at Satoshi in Mexico the other year. She, we didn't spend that much time talking, you know, I'm not that cool, but she was actually quite a slightly weird but interesting person, so you know, it's not like it's all the killer as I keep saying. Anyway, I think I'm going to finish this, I'm going to go back to Ocean Mart and get a bottle of coke and some more snacks because, you know, what the fuck, you know, let's go wild.
1607 got snacks and coke. I do think that, although it's technically not necessary, that being able to do the kite surfing is the swimming lessons paying off in a sense because, it's like today I'm doing the body drag upwind and it's like, yeah, I mean, there's a tiny bit of a fucking, I'm Jesus fucking drowning and coughing water up as the waves smash over me and change the direction and everything and it's like, it was a bit stressful, not terrible, but it's like, I think if I hadn't been swimming That would probably have been worse, and although you're wearing a lifejacket, and technically it doesn't matter, it's like, and you've got the fucking kite attached to you and the wind's blowing on shore, so like, really, with the lifejacket, you aren't going to be able to see it starting on sea, but you're getting blown back to shore, whether you like it or not, but, even so, despite the lifejacket and that, it's like, if I hadn't got the basic swimming experience and spent all that time doing that, I suspect I'd feel a lot more worried, like, ooh, I'm maybe heading out into deeper water and won't be able to stand up or something so yeah I think it is kind of paying off in that sense.
1638 having a quick casual browse through some old photos on the phone. It feels amazing that I was sitting in that hostel in Leon two weeks ago if I'm not confused. Of course my phone also worked properly at that point but you can't have everything.
1708 I probably already said but just in case I didn't like the instructor told me not unpleasantly as such the other day that I've got to stop clearing my eyes but also when you're doing the body drag up wind at least you can't because you know you've got one hand holding the bar and the other hand is stretched out just like to set your direction or something you know I guess the idea is that's why you are not being dragged directly where the kite wants to pull you but you can go up wind so you can't clear your eyes anyway because both hands are occupied that doesn't mean that you're not getting splashes of water in the face especially when the waves kick up and that makes it hard at least for me to know where the hell I'm going or but you know generally the kite seems to sort of mostly take care of itself long enough that you get your vision back properly before it crashes not always of course anyway just to sort of note from this stage of learning
1728 ftr I used all 6 of my plastic clothes pegs for probably first time in trip to hang clothes up after wash earlier
1748 at pan de mama, notionally the salsa class is on, I am dubious but feel I ought to try it on vaguely CBT ish grounds if nothing else. Want a piss and also to wash my hands but the sole toilet is occupied.
1758 will give it a fair shot but not hanging round all night could well imagine v low interest. Used wifi here to check WhatsApp, class tomorrow at 10 which is quite good, gives me plenty of the day but avoids having to be up super early, I may have breakfast at old hostel depending how new one feels, and not having to prep too early in dorm is also good.
Feeling reasonably optimistic about lesson tomorrow.
Not super optimistic about social aspect of hostel but also not actively fussed and will give that a shot. A beer or so (despite having had mojito and beer at beach) would be nice if not insanely expensive even if I just sit there and read on phone or whatever.
1808 handful of people here obv for class.
Was thinking other day the kite stuff was reminding me on James herriots war flying memoir bits with the instructor telling him to do stuff (pull the stick back!) and he felt he was doing it already but he couldn't say "I already am".
There is me and a group of about 3 youngish tourists who look like they are playing a game and there was a my age ish woman 9tdering before me who ibdont see right now.
This may be a cringe fest, it may not happen, but trying at least.
1811 earwigging as newly arrived couple chat with maybe dutch salsa dj. I get something about end of season and tbh suspect it won't happen. Would be a relief but will try to stick it out and nirse my coffee for another 19 mins or so.
I could go join the chat but don't want to over commit to the dancing.
P7 batt a bit low so trying not to read on it. May need it as torch to navigate paths at ez.
1818 on a random note call me an out of date prude but raindance offering hire of a tattoo gun to drunk people with slogan "drunk? Create your own nightmare" which I saw when there other night feels vaguely irresponsible and a bit off. But my attitude to tattoos is just so atroundingly out of step with most other people these days I am sure this is just me.
Mon 1838 was charging p7 last night so couldn't write on it. Let us catch up.
Skipping ahead, today's lesson not bad at all. I slightly overrated at hostel and also got lost on way out but just had time for usual gallo pinto breakfast at old hostel and then got to lesson. We did body drag upwind with board (wins v strong and I think we were going to upwind but instructor decided it was too strong) and then he showed me how to put feet into the board (I was frankly relieved to see you do not have to somehow scramble onto it, you tilt it 90 degrees and put your feet in the straps and then do a power dive with the kite which pulls you upright) and start to ride. Because I kept getting massively cpbudsed and mainly ending up with the boars with the heel positions a the top when I finished doing the bosy drag with the boars first (j believe this is needed to get further from shore or possibly onto deeper water before trying to start riding, after least a my level of control and safety) I never actually got to try the power dive bit and start riding. I think instructor really wanted me to axhoeve this this lesson and he was I think giving me a tiny bit of extra time but the kite lowt pressure or something and would not fly so it didn't really happen( I have no idea if this was my fault and didn't like to risk asking, but I suspect it wasn't in any significant way).
Fingers crossed for tonorrow.
The cut on my left foot is being slightly painful today and has just started itching (unless that is something else) but I think it is healong it is just par for the course for those kind of nasty but not major skin cut on the foot.
So I did the salsa which actually turned out to bemeeegnue as it is easier, dance class. About 8 of us with the instructor, one woman ezceaa so to speak so one danced with instructor and I ended up dancing with a fairly nice smiley probably local woman called maybe Ayra. I suggested she lead and she said but she alsokept doing all sorts of stuff not what we had been shown, which was fine for a bit of fun but would have been kind of annoying had I really been trying to learn any of the specific moges we were taught. Still fwiw this may be the first time I have danced with someone since those early evening un official dance lessons at the atitlan party hostel in 2018.
I left after the class. My phone batt was at 9% and I was a bit edgy going down the path to zop but it is last. We were dancing outside on the "step" outside pan de mama and I only noticed at the end that although i had felt quite sweaty all the time, i had somehow rubbed myself a bit raw down in intimate areas. I put some germolene on when went to bed maybe 9 on offchance and later about 1 when I woke up and it still hurt I remembered I had hydrocortisone cream and put some of that on and whatever the cause it was fine this morning.
Between getting back and bed I had a shower I'd I hadn't had one before the class (I can't remember) and then came to bar and got a litre bottle of tona for 140 and sat on own (but not blatantly feeling that a handsomer 25yo person immy place would have had any more social success just from sitting there, there was a young woman sitting on her own too for example) bit not feeling too awkward
Slept pretty well. No fans because eco and solar, but the dorm sides being semi open meant there really was a genuinely pleasant slightly cool breeze now and again.
So after class I went to ocean and their cash machine has an out of order sign. O think I can scrape enough IP for tonorrow at a pjnch and will try to check ocean machine on way out and if it isn't working go one from school to the machine at far end of beach road if I have to. I got some chicharron and a tona mixehlada and a litre of coke zero at ocean and had them on the beach.
Decided I would eztens here for wed night, nowhere else seems massively obviously tempting, I may go to raindance if I am staying on for more lessons but I cannot possibly stay there wed as it will be full and this way I have given zop a fair go and some time to maybe chat and it is quote nice even if the eg no soda rule pisses me off, so far it isn't an insect riddehellhole and I do kind of like the rural pseudo isolated feel.
So I did extend no problem and then wandered round the site a bit, went up the quite cool but mildly scary lookout tower (on way down I went into the lower level platform but the floor was deeply alarming and I immediately left it) and walked down to the petroglyphs by el porcenir. Few locals around which reduced mild edginess re non-existent dogs. Few drops of rain but nothing really started.
Then my second shower and Chang'iled into fresh clothes and walked out to marias for pollo frito and then back in dusk, wasn't using torch but as I got nearer hostel a dog appeared and barked a bit and didn't make a fuss but I felt better with torch on. Then brief fiddle with phones and usb stick backup in dorm and out here. I am sat in further from bar type area and some groups are having chat round me and where are you from questions suggesting they are not all long term friends but it doesnt feel remotely qppropriqte for me to try to join then and while mildly annoying and BNM ish it is also semi cool to sit here at least with chat around.
Some of the groups talking are vaguely kind of euro smug but maybe I am unfair. Fwiw there are some other tables with loners on. Not that bothered.
Anyway I think I have wlmore or less caught up. Oh the younger waitres ls woman at Maria's told me the small wiry white ans ginger dog is called Maya.
1911 it feels like I have burned the back of my neck despite being 99% sure (I did it last minute so do remember) I out sunblock on. My skin round lips also feels a bit sore. Neither anything major.
Feel a bit BNM now and a bit guilty for taking up a table but a) fuck em, I paid to be here b) even before I sat down the table only had this one xhair and there is on fact a giant bank of tables put together into a group of about 6 or 8 in the part I was sitting in yesterday, so not doing any harm anyway. It feels vaguely sucky but I can only "be about" and hope as always.
1916 fwiw "family sinner" just announced, I had seen this and didn't want to sign up (six dollars, likely vegan, likely inedoble to me, likely BNM but in hindsight just maybe it might have given me a chance to talk to people, but I didn't even think about that and tbh the other reasons still apply) but this may account for some of the groups in the bar area. And the rearranged fa les. Albeit actually some of the groups aren't here for that.
Dorm is nice and the solid mosquito nets stops at insect worries but it is mildly annoying as I can't sit on my bunk despite having a lower.
I did ask at reception and no need to sign up for pizza night tomorrow, it just starts at the pizzeria place (not been there yet) at 630. Some people talking about signing up to perform which might be cringe but fuck it.
I am feeling dedicedly BNM yet not actively frustrated or annoyed, nor does anyone else actual chat seem particularly something I want to join in with. It may be actually that nearly everyone elee here is doing the buffet, even if some didn't rush up as soon as it was announced.
Lesson is not too 11 tomorrow and while it might be better not to drink too much tonight (nothing went out the widnow when I decided to have that Michelasa at the beach, plus the fact I can sit here and drink beer or warm filtered water given the stjpid fucking soda rules pushes me towards beer). My consumption is most days lately but no individual day is remotely insane.
I am almost certainly not even trying to attend wet Wednesday. It would be mildly hellish getting back down the paths without a phone and I wouldn't want to take a phone to such a "wet" event and since ei don't now anyone to go with and my "thing" at the moment is the lessons and therefore I am not just casually free all day and don't want to be hngover or take a day off, it really feels best to give it a miss. Tomorrow's pizza night here may have some party vibes and even without that, wet Wednesday would feel forced and awkward and shit given all the above. I may eventually find myself in a hostel where it is natural to have a chat and go out for drinks again, or a hostel with some sort of party (I don't intend to but I could in theory try treehouse on return leg) where it might "just work", but right now - and I really don't think this is sour grapes - it doesnt feel like it remotely fits. If I had been able to get into a dorm at raindance itself that might have fopped the balance or at least somewhat pre-commited me, but as it stands no.
On a general note and trying not to be too optimistic or pessimistic, it is like "joining in with activities" here to get to know people isn't really on the xarsa both with
My lessons taking me out when most of the tours aeen to happen and the fact I am not a yoga person. I knew all this before I came I don't regret coming, the place is broadly cool and interesting in itself and I had no other amazing options to try out in terms of accom, social stuff was dead at last hostel, plus it is too early to absolutely write this place off social) y just yet. I can only keep plugging away etc etc. And at 10 dollars a night the dorm is not over expensive which helps keep costs down slightly and I was serious when I said the open-ish walls and the cool breeze from the surroundings did genuinely help at night, and while transparent the mosquito net does add a touch of cubicle style privacy.
1950 huge black spider like the one dead at the side of the road just walked round the floor. I lifted my feet. ;-) but didn't particularly freak out. Chatgpt was unsure if this was a tarabtula or wandering spider based on pur chat about the dead one the other day.
I am feeling a bit of a sad loser sitting here listening to people talk about xirxua skills courses and stuff. On the other hand, I actually don't feel that bitter. Ot3h I finished this litre and am not pissed but not 100% sure about another. But fuck it, maybe I will.
2001 got beer after queing behind a load of people checking in (at this time?). Some fucker stole my chair which feels scroteyvwhen I had left my bag on table but wth and someone left one of the groups so I asked if I could take her chair. I think I asked in English but not sure.
Tue 1712 so I'm voice typing this up at the Mirador waiting for sunset. Let's just bash some stuff out and see how it goes. So last night I I had my second litre of beer, and someone came over, I'm not feeling a bit pitiful, and she said, oh yeah, we're having that ceremony, the 6-12 full moon thing, I think it actually turns out to be, and I said, oh thanks, yeah, I don't ask if I've kept my beer, she said, no, no, it's an alcohol free space, I don't know if you cut it anyway, it'd be a 5 minute walk away, and I said, oh well, I might cook later then, and anyway, so I sat there, and I didn't rush the beer, and the bar was empty and out, and I was stupid and I chatted to an LM, but I mean, I personally reckon it was pretty quiet, and I don't reckon it would have been appropriate for me to speak to anyone, even if I was 25. Anyway, I sat there listening to some woman in slightly worse spirits than mine, but to be fair, not that much worse, give a virtual monologue to some local woman from Merida, who was sitting at the table next to me, and she's going on and on and on, and it's such fucking stereotypical liberal hippie shit, and she's talking about federal agents or something, and she's talking about some old women's protest in Kenya, which had something to do with some kind of shame attached to people seeing them naked, so they did a protest naked, and she's like, oh, and it's fantastic, maybe it was, I don't know the details of the particular prohibition, maybe that wasn't wanky, the whole thing just felt wanky.
So, despite the LLMs depressing me, I've got to fucking stop doing that, I left and I asked some rather bored, seeming bloke from the staff, presumably where it was, and I wasn't sure, and I wandered round, and I did find some other people who were coming from it and going to it, there was another big spider, the volunteer woman who was there said they were tarantulas, and she's like, oh don't be scared, and they were like, no, no, no, we're not scared, we're just fascinated, she said it was a tarantula, or that seems to be the general consensus, so we'll go with that. I must admit, I didn't startle as much, either with that one, or I followed this volunteer woman up on a bit of chat and we went up to the Temescal, or whatever the hell it was, and it was really about 11 after 10 at this point and I had 2 litres of beer, and it was quite nice actually, I didn't really talk to anyone or feel massively connected, but I sat on the sort of fringes and a couple of times people passed me a coconut shell with a bit of papaya or something like that in it, and there's people playing the I've got LED fire globes and someone's playing the guitar and they're passing it round a bit and all this is fire, I mean it's just laced with a little bit of socialism, oh no we asked for a donation, or social principle, you should pay what you can, you know, if you're well off you should pay more. I don't know exactly why they're doing this given it's part of the hostel experience and like the actual literal expense is a bit of firewood or something, and a bit of a papaya, but I mean I didn't begrudge them so I stick 50 in the box, I don't know whether that was enough, but anywhere any other night there's people saying stuff, I can't remember what they're saying stuff about, all energy and vibrations and all the full moon or the moon or whatever and it's not. Not quite my bag, but you know fair play to them, the actual atmosphere was quite nice all the same, I mean if I just sat there not even trying to talk to anyone, I kind of wish I'd gone earlier, but then I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out. I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out.
So I left that about 11.30pm and I went and cleaned my teeth and went to bed. I felt basically okay, I mean that was certainly better than I'd expected. I woke up maybe 1am, 3am, not sure, maybe I was slightly drunk, but anyway, and I was sort of waking up from this strange, not quite nightmare where I didn't know where I was and I was all disoriented and I was vaguely mangled, kitesurfing, getting carried off into the sky and it was all just a bit weird. And then it's like I sort of realised, oh yeah, yeah, I'm in the dorm, I'm in the hostel and everything's fine, but as it wasn't a nightmare it was just a bit weird, fights quite sweaty in the night to be honest, I had a shower first thing in the morning because it was the late start, then I wandered over to hostel Santa Cruz and had my usual breakfast there and then I went into Ocean Mart and the cash machine was working and I got $500 out so that's something and then I went up to the lesson at 11.30.
The lesson wasn't bad in terms of general stuff. I didn't manage to ride again, which is a bit disappointing, but it is what it is. The wind seemed quite choppy to me. I mean, there were one or two points where the wind dropped for a fraction of a second. Anyway, so I did a lot of, oh hell, what's it called, a lot of body drag upwind with the board to, you know, get to a position where I could try to sort of get on the board. And that was getting better, the instructor said it was getting better, and I must say I could feel that. Actually getting on the board, absolute nightmare. I mean, he gave me some tips at the end of the lesson. I'm going to ask some questions tomorrow. I'm moderately optimistic I might get it. I must say there was an awful lot of like trying to get it on my feet and then I never got really to the point. Once or twice maybe of doing the power dive to get it going, but I think I had the board at the wrong angle. And there was an awful lot of losing the board and then I'm worried it's going to smash into my skull as it's behind me or take my teeth out. And then it's like sometimes I'm having to do the body drag without the board to get back to the board to recover it. And this is not perfect. And at times, especially if I've just sort of tried to taste, trying to start riding with the board, I'm getting seriously disoriented once I got quite near the beach and I was like feeling the sand dragging under me. And other times I'm out a bit further and it's like, I'm just getting tossed and turned in the waves and I'm trying to keep control of the kite and the kite is dragging me back and forth. And I'm not quite drowning and it's not quite panicking, but I'm getting a bit waterlogged and a bit and yeah, I mean, it was kind of all right. It's a shame I didn't manage to ride, but I think I'm getting closer. I think there is progress. Obviously it's a shame I'm not going faster, but can't be helped, you know, no prior experience, fairly old, never done anything like this. So yeah, not too bad. I'm still not quite sure how far I'm going to take it, but my original sort of rough budget estimate did see me allowing up to 20 hours. So I still have kind of two and a half days to go. And apparently I think I'm basically paying like $94 for two hours now, which isn't too bad.
So I'm just smashing this out on the voice-typing, I'm not going anywhere to correct it. I mean, you know, just to follow on from that, it's like, see, you know, I'm out there and I've failed to sort of get on the board and I'm trying to recover the board and I'm going one direction, I'm trying to do a body drag without the board to get near it and I do that sometimes and it works quite well and then I start to lose the kite or I've just fallen off and like waves are smashing over me and I can't see where the hell I'm going but the kite is magically still more or less in the air and then I do manage to recover it but then after that I'm still a bit screwed and I lose it the next time. I say I don't think I'm doing too badly, I think I am getting better, it's just slower than I would like, you know, I don't really look normal anyway of course, do I? But yeah, it is sort of fun, a little bit stressful when it gets that intense but yeah, it is kind of fun and so anyway, that's that.
So afterwards I went and I got a packet of bacon snack things like the ones the ants entertained me with the other day and a bottle of sugarcoats, they had no coke zero at Ocean Mart and I sat on the beach wall for a bit and that was fine and I like because there's a pizza thing tonight I didn't really eat it elsewhere and it's like solid so I stayed there and I came back to the hostel and I did some washing and then I think I wandered up towards the petroglyphs at the north end nothing amazing but sort of cool in their way and I went in what I think might be the Japanese shower which is just a sort of it is the same thing it's just a basic shower it's quite a powerful flow compared to the others even it's just coming from a stopcock type pipe it's just like the other showers but it's open to the air and that the area is a bit larger rather than you being in a fairly small concretey shower cubicle thing it was quite nice and I think amazing maybe it's not the thing I thought it was and then so I've come back up here I've got the P7 with me I can't really see the sunset going somewhere super brilliant of you but I might as well stay here and watch it I'm not worried about getting down I'm not super optimistic about chatting to anyone tonight maybe it's just me being negative but it's like I think I've passed where the pizza place is it's like there's lots of separate tables I mean I'm fairly sure I can't just walk up to a random table of people unless there's literally nowhere else to sit and it would still be awkward as fuck and well don't get me wrong I'm not feeling like awful or terrible anything it's just been so long since I've had what you might call a normal hostile common area conversation with anyone that I think I've lost any kind of faith that it happens or that it can ever happen with me anyway I mean I'll go I'll have a probably overpriced pizza there might be meat options I'm not sure but you know vegan will do I can have a few beers and there should be some sort of show fire show or something and maybe I will chat to someone maybe it'll be easy or maybe I'll make an effort but I'm not entirely clear I'm gonna see an opening to make an effort but it is what it is you know I've got a lesson tomorrow I don't know what time it is yet but I've noticed I'm in massive piss-off if I have like two litres of beer that's probably fine that's what I did yesterday yeah so I'm up here at the Mirador type place for the not not the Tower one but you know this place for the sunset that the volunteer did point out to me yesterday it doesn't really seem to be setting anywhere great but so it's already half seven sorry half five so sunset is about six the pizza thing I think nominally starts at six but I don't think you have to be there at six and honestly I don't know what's gonna happen I'm probably just gonna sit around like I would in the bar watching stuff but anyway we'll see how it goes I'm not feeling terrible it's just that I don't have an amazingly upbeat attitude but I don't think that's entirely unjustified I've said hi to a few people walking around the paths and stuff I really don't feel like I fit in then I often don't anyway I'm just talking shit now don't take any of this too seriously
I did call Dad from the beach when I was sitting there after I'd had my coke and my snack and that was actually quite a nice chat and one was busy. So that was something. Everything is basically okay. It's just, and I may even extend here, it kind of depends. I'm already booked in for tomorrow night. It kind of depends how long I expect to be around with the kite surfing. I'm not saying I won't stay longer if it feels I'm making progress or I want to try and cement things before I go. But we'll just have to see. So I may end up extending here or I may end up going somewhere else after Wednesday. We'll just take it a day at a time. It's not a big deal. So yeah, there we go. Try and be positive. If nothing happens, it's not necessarily my fault or social skill. It is, maybe it's not, but it's just such a slimy odd environment. Well, not that I really know what it's going to be like tonight. But anyway, there we are. I think I'm going to splash this out. I'm probably going to send this in a second because it's just been building up and up and up. I want to get it out before something happens.
Oh, if I didn't say it feels like my sort of ribs or the muscles or whatever in that area, I kind of saw from being bounced up and down on the board during the body drag. I don't think it's a big deal, just a note. There's a couple of people on top of the Mirador Tower. I just sort of waved to them. I don't think they saw me, but it's nice to see someone else up there. Okay, I'll stop waffling now.
Feel a bit sticky but no time to shower and no point really given I will be in the lake in under two hours. I am sort of nervous about the lesson but also sort of looking forward to it decision about moving somewhere else is perhaps a bigger worry but I am doubtless making it out to be a bigger deal than it needs to be, just try something and change if it doesn't work. The Tuesday party at ez has some possibility and seems worth trying for and perhaps even instead of Wednesday. And I am not constraining my choice overly much just because of the theoretical wed possibility since I really so want to be near to sc beach for the lessons, and there is nothing really down that way much (at least on booking and hostelworld, there may be small unadvertised places but I do want something a bit on the beaten track here I think) so even if wed party simply didn't exists I would still be looking in sane region because of lessons. I could obviously just stick on here and perhaps given as I said (repeating self badly) last night a long trip I might stick on here while taking the lessons, but it is socially dead in ways that are sort of peaceful and relaxing but also utterly incompatible with getting even the kind of loose vague travellery chats and contacts which are one of the things I am hoping to get out of this trip, and this isn't just poor social skills or bad luck (except the luck of who if anyone stays), it is really just so quiet and there are (not critical but may help) no organised activities etc. The room is nice for the money in its rusticish way and the staff are decent. No fridge but that isn't a massive killer with the mini market right outside the entrance anyway. But I will have been here a week after tonight and it is probably smart to change.
But lets worry about all this after the lesson when things may be a little clearer.
While the lesson is kind of stressful and hard work at least any concept of being sticky goes completely out of the window.
2014 p7 continues shit. I intermittently mime smashing jt into a thousand fucked up little fragments against a wall or table. What a fucking turd.
Lesson not too bad but a bit rough. Upwind body drag which is actually sometimes pseudo drowning feeling but also sort of cool even if I never get any further, the idea I would ever be (semi) controlling a kite while letting it drag me through the water at what feels like insane speed is somewhat freaky, the sensation is a mixture of exhilaration and drowning unpleasantness.
The instructor gave me a couple of i think mildly angry bollockings for stuff I had not afaict been told before in ways that pissed me off. Apparently some of this is basic stuff and I am expected to know it by now. I did not escalate at the time. At the end of the lesson he is all sweetness and light and broadly speaking he is not bad during the lesson but this is fucking with my head. I fuck up an exercise, have I committed some major fucking sin or did I just balls an exercise up? Or should or have somehow cut out earlier when my inevitably shitty attempt went wrong? Or am I giving up too early? It is hard to maintain a positive attitude when I am never sure if I am in trouble or not.
That said while progress is slow and this meta dynamic is seriously fucking with my head, there clearly is progress even if it is slow.
Random earlier text which got cut off by writing the above: eyes feeling dry during the next does seem to be a persistent thing. Which is odd as I don't generally seem to notice this feeling during the day.
At the risk of atating the obvious, right now it is far cooler and fresher outside than it is in the room.
So after that I came back to hostel and dixkes around for ages looking at new hostel and have booked at el zop for three nights. This sees me booked in for the Tuesday night pizza party thing. I picked a dorm nearer the road with proper electric their privates are super pricey. I waed them and asked for a lower bunk and they said yea.
Feeling pretty bnm and not over optimistic about chat etc but can only try.
I didn't really do anything else with the daily. I was going to relax around the hostel and did have a beer and some snacks but also stupidly got myself embroiled in some insane llm discussions.
I did have my bacon crisp snack puffed rectangle things on the terrace by room and dropped two and then noticed hordes of anta manhandling them with impressive speed over to the vertical side of the concrete terrace and *down the side* (not dropping them) then into the nest at the bottom (they didn't fit in but I came back later and ants had obviously been chopping tiny bits off and carrying them o side). Oddly very cool actually.
I need to "repack" my bag but not a huge deal. I will ask if k can leave it at reception (checkout is 10, lesson tomorrow 930) and I prob can but I'd I can't I will take it to lesson, albeit I'd feels safer splitting my xheese.
I am now out on the hostel terrace feeling a bit quietly shitty and trying to relax. I has a beer and have a bottle of coke. Probably won't drink more.
I have been here a week. I feel vaguely sad to be leaving but I can come back and I really do need to try some social experiments and arrive for a bit of contact with someone.
2110 back in room, have repacked really badly. Feel a bit edgy about logistics tomorrow and being in a dorm again etc and the lesson (frankly I am dreading it, because I am not sure I can take feeling on edge constantly about getting bollocked) but it is what it is.
I do also have a minor guilty feeling about leaving this hostel, but obviously I don't owe them anything and me leaving after frankly quite a long stay is not any kind of indictment of their service etc. And for all I know I will come back in a few days depending on what happens. But the social angle here has been thin on the ground even if we imagine myself as a charismatic 25 year old, and in reality it has been even thinner. It is just too quiet. I need to re-roll the dice.
Frankly it feels like I have packed wrong and am touristing wrong and doing everything wrong.
2121 I thought I had ciut my foot towards end of lesson walking (nowhere near kite, instructor had it) out of water but saw no obvious blood and I just discovered I have quite a nasty looking gash by my second littlest toe on left foot. I am sure it is fine, it sort of looks like a deep cut in the skin which didn't really go quite all the way through, but not ideal.
Sun 1507 lloyd's typing this on the beach, I don't know if it'll work, so let me just see how this goes. There's obviously a bit of wind, what it may... what has cancelled on the mic or... work.
Okay, it's probably not too bad. I was getting things a bit arsed backwards but things aren't going too badly. I'm sitting here, I've had a mojito out of a can and I'm finishing at Tonya. There's a local, slightly drunk guy who I don't fully understand who's sitting here having a beer. Not a beer, he's just sitting here when I came and sat down. He came over a couple of times and he commiserated with me on my mojito, splashing and fizzing and losing a bit and then he came over and talked to me a bit and begged ten and took fifteen off me. I gave him some change. He's fine, he seems quite a nice guy. I think he's actually gone now.
So, last night was a bit rough. Instead of just chilling I sort of started poking around with some other lens and I got a bit worked up and I'm a twat and I took it too seriously. Anyway, not just that, I was getting a bit worked up about the whole getting bollock thing with the surfing and I really was not feeling good with one thing and another. And then there was changing things, rooms, hostels, and also although it wasn't a huge deal, we had a power cut from about two till eight in the morning. As it happens I've mostly gone to sleep by that point, maybe it wasn't two, maybe it was more like four, but anyway.
I don't know when it was maybe two maybe four I had a sort of fuck this all epiphany and I sort of mostly actually shook things off in a surprising way I mean I feel a bit billy no mates as well but I don't think I probably said maybe I didn't yeah there were some people that German groups not been around but you know the antipodeann woman was still around with her mate but I hardly even saw them and of course you don't want to horn in when it's already a little group and it's like that hostel really was so quiet I don't blame myself for not chatting more you know I did have a little bit of chat with the tippered in woman and no assume has gone somewhere else because I haven't even seen in three ages and the staff were quite nice it's fine but it really was very quiet right so there were a few people around but honestly it's not really my flaw that I didn't chat much with anyone
I was feeling a bit edgy about the fucking lesson this morning but I had breakfast and I got up and there was no power and it was okay but oh I've got to leave and it's all a bit weird. I did have a work with the instructor I hadn't been sure I thought I might just wait and see how the lesson went and try to adopt a different attitude but because it's so hard to talk when you're out there and the waves are knocking you over all the time and everything I had a chat with him on the beach you know I was nice about it not that I was really complaining but you know I made sure to do it on the beach not in front of anyone else and I said look truthfully I struggled sleeping last night I'm getting really worked up I I can't handle this feeling that I'm gonna get a baller King any minute that I'm really fucking things up and he was quite nice to be honest I mean this doesn't quite jibe with that little bit look we can't be going over this all the time you need to know this stuff you should know this already but you know maybe that was just a little bit of frustration on his part he was really nice about it and I felt a lot better and the lesson generally wasn't too bad he did say some stuff during the lesson like oh yeah everyone's got a different style of learning and you know as a as an instructor it's like that's that's useful for me and your style is completely different that's a bit of a backhanded kind of compliment I mean he did say I don't know whether that's true well I suppose it's not totally unlikely that I'm not the worst student he's ever had by any means and personally I'm reasonably satisfied with the progress given my age and all the other shit I'm dealing with but it's a bit with yeah I've got a unique style for learning but hey what are you gonna do so it's certainly lighting things and the lesson on the whole was pretty good.
And I feel a bit better about the prospect of lessons going forward, the new hospital is about 10-11 minutes further walk away but not the end of the world so I'm signed up for tomorrow. So I'd left my bag at the hostel and I'd left my phone charging on a little shelf because there'd been no power most of the night so it hadn't charged the P7 that is. Broken piece of shit that it is so I was less worried about it getting knocked up and smashing than I might otherwise have been given the screens playing up and while it's not a fucking brick it's you know it's not not where it ought to be. So I went back after the lesson and picked up bag and check that I could go and eat at their restaurant as a non-guest if I wanted. They were very nice you know they really I really did like the place it was very quiet but the staff were really nice in a quiet kind of way and it was good. I went and checked in at zopiloti. I spoke to the nearer entrance some woman said oh it's probably best to go the U-turn path and I said oh with the pack is it better on the road she's no, probably not. And her little daughter goes oh it's a really nice path so I walked down the path and it was actually quite nice it's a bit hot (some bamboo type arch stuff making amazing noise despite light wind) and I got to the reception and I checked in. I've got suspicion I got slightly overcharged because it was supposed to be $25.xx and I gave $20 over and paid the rest in cordobas and it was like 250. Well that's five quid right $5 isn't five quid but it's a pound or two and maybe there wa rounding and I'm not making a fuss about it. Let me stop talking so the voice typing can transcribe this and we'll see if we're doing alright.
For what it's worth on the walkover to the lesson this morning there was a dead spider by side of road but not squashed or maybe a molt, I'm not really sure because it had like the fangs so would a molt have the fangs but anyway there was a spider or a molt at the side of the road it was the biggest spider I have seen in the casual wild you know like I've seen a tarantula on that night walking in Costa Rica but this was not quite classic tarantula size but it was big and it had that kind of fangs kind of quality on the front I mean I don't know what it got on over it was a molt say but just a few photos of it not very good but for the record yeah I think that's probably the largest dead thing spider related that I have seen in a normal everyday kind of situation it was genuine tropical rubber scary spider back in the UK kind of stuff albeit not absolutely enormous
Oh and also flipping back, like the lesson, obviously I wasted a little time with my heart-to-heart moment but we did some sort of kite control exercises and we did a bit of body drag, up and down wind and that wasn't bad, it wasn't brilliant but it was slightly better than it was and I think the wind was a bit different today and it felt a little bit more controlled and the waves were pretty fricking intense and like so I'm doing it okay and then the waves come over and like I can't fucking see a thing and obviously I've got one hand coming I was in control of the kite and the other one stuck out at 30-40 degrees to the kite, upwind to point my body in the direction and control which way I'm going, so you know, I'm not wiping my eyes, I'm not wearing the goggles, the instructor doesn't seem to wear goggles, and I don't think goggles are the issue, it's not even saltwater, remember? So we did some of that, and then right at the end we did do a bit of body drag with the board, man, I mean the board, the handle was coming off so it was all a bit weird and I was struggling to keep the pressure on it and kept getting turned over and the waves were turning over even though we'd moved, but it's like, I must admit, at this stage the board scares the shit out of me because it's like, oh as soon as the thing floating in the water that's going to smash into my face and take my teeth out, but anyway. It wasn't too bad, I mean slow progress, but yes progress I guess, so that was good, and at some points the body drag without the board was like, oh I'm going a bit slower, maybe I've got better control over the kite or it's just the wind and the tide, but it did feel a bit more controlled, to be fair it generally feels fairly controlled when I'm going straight, it's more when I have to change direction and go the other way that it starts to feel a bit more chaotic.
So, I checked in at the hostel and it's kind of nice, it does have a little bit of a belitter or lost and found kind of vibe. It's obviously quite a big estate. I haven't explored it today because I spent a lot of time after I checked in and I did some laundry. One of the nice things, as I suspected, is it's exactly the kind of place that does give you a literal proper sink to do hand washing and there's lines because that's in keeping with their eco hipply vibe and it just happens to suit me. So, after I checked in, I faffed around in the dorm a bit and I went and did a load of laundry and I had a shower and then I had a shave and I also went into reception round the bar kind of area and there's some way you can get water. And there's some dogs, I think there's some sort of dog sanctuary on site but the dogs wander round. One dog was absolutely fucking lovely, a bitch as it happens because I looked but she was letting me stroke her and jumping up at me and really lovely. And this is one of the dogs and I'm literally, I've not even thought about dogs at this point, there's just some dogs around and I'm standing in the cafe area and there's a few other people around and this dog just comes up and starts fucking barking its head off at me in quite an aggressive way and I'm shouting fire at the fucking thing and I'm sure everyone's looking at me but I don't give a shit because the dog's kicked off first. And then someone comes over a volunteer and we chat a bit and she's quite nice, although the whole thing's kind of hippie as she will come back to that in a second. And a few minutes later the dog lets me stroke it, cool, but then a bit later on I'm wandering around somewhere, I don't think I'd shave at this point, maybe it was after I'd shaved something, suddenly that dog sees me again and it's like fucking barking its head off like I'm its worst fucking enemy. It's like I don't think I'm being over sensitive, the way the volunteer and the other people in the restaurant reacted was like oh yeah it does that sometimes, but it wasn't like oh that's just normal friendly dog behaviour, it's like no, that is a bit fucking weird. I mean I'm screaming fire at it, it's not actually going for me, I'm a tiny bit worried I'm going to go back one night, eight, nine o'clock and it's going to have a go but I'm not that worried, it's just a bit freaking weird. The other dog was fucking lovely, a really nice dog, jumped up at me and it was really nice actually, but then as I say this dog that was having a fit let me stroke it, I made peace with it as some woman said and then it still didn't like me a few minutes later it had another go and it's growling and I mean fuck knows, I have no idea.
So I'm still sitting by the beach and there's a few locals around and I think the odd tourists as well but quite a lot of locals but not in huge numbers like maybe 20 of them over 100, 200 meters a beach. The beach isn't very deep there's a little girl drawing a sort of heart on the sand with a stick and writing something in the middle of it. She looks local to me. There's one guy kitesurfing a few people in the water it's quite nice to be honest. By the way the thing is like when you go in the water I've not even thought about it's like when you very first go in and bear in mind this is maybe like nine o'clock 8 30 in the morning sometimes it's not super late the sun hasn't been on it all day it's it's a tiny tiny bit you notice it but it really isn't cold it's not cold um yeah I don't know why whether it's just the weather or something heating but yeah the water's not cold the waves can be pretty fucking annoying but you're not shivering in the water or the wind it doesn't matter that you're absolutely so it's far late at least for two hours
Fire is bad transcript of vaya by the way. I may try shouting callate if it does it again.
So as I say, the hostel site looks quite big, I haven't explored it because according to some posters around town that may or may not be out of date, there might be some sort of free, salter class, no partner needed, no experience needed, some place that I do know and isn't too far from the old hostel or the new hostel at 6 and I might go there if only on a sort of social experiment level, I don't know but I had a shower when I got back and I was going to have another shower but I'm not going to, I bought a new razor and I had a shave and drew blood. So I may do that, so I didn't want to go and get all sweaty excessively, so tomorrow after the lesson I'll probably explore the grounds, I've got some petroglyphs and there's a Japanese shower somewhere and the grounds look really large, like I say a really belita vibe, that's transcribed badly above, I need to fix that if I remember but B-O-L-I-T-A, or lost and found. Really quite nice, you know, I say I haven't had a good look around but I have two more days and there's the pizza night Tuesday and if I like it I'll stay longer. The trouble is, because it's not just rural and oh enjoy the nature and stuff, it's got this eco-hippie semi-activist permaculture vibe, there's all sorts of random little bits of shit.
Like, they don't sell at the bar, and I don't think they allow guests to bring in soda. Alcohol's fine. Soda, no. They don't like aluminium cans, they are forbidden because aluminium is a major polluter in its production, but even though they quite happily sell alcohol in glass bottles, they don't like soda in glass bottles, I guess, because eco-hippie stuff. So I can't take a bottle of coke that either buy there or from the shop and take it and sit in the common areas. I could sit there with a bottle of water or some overpriced fruit juice, maybe, or whatever. This is kind of one reason why I've come down to the beach to have some beers and I'm gonna get a coke in a minute. It's like in the dorm, because I got a dorm that's not too far from reception. There are some electric outlets, the whole thing I kind of think is solar-ish, but, you know, there are some electric outlets to charge your phone, but they're not near the bed, which is fair enough, but you're not allowed to leave something charging unattended. So I cannot leave my power bank charging unattended and then charge from that during the night and or in my locker and then top it up again the next day. So that kind of constrains things, not necessarily a killer, but, you know, given I've got two phones, I want to read on ond and I want to take one out and stuff like that, and I don't know if my power bank will let me charge one phone from it while it's charging itself over night. Whereas if they just let me leave the power bank on charge at my own risk of theft during the day, that'd be fine, because I could just top the power bank up during the day. But no, I might upset them fire risk, ooh, bad eco, whatever. It's that kind of fucking shit. The showers are very very rustic, but actually quite nice. I've not tried the Japanese shower yet, but I will if I can. It's that sort of enclosed cubicles but no door, just a sort of wrapped round wall and technically anyone could walk in through the open gap, but I don't care that much. But the sign's like, oh, two minute showers max. It's like, it's really quite nice, but these little wanky bits, like the fact that I cannot sit on the hostel terrace with a bottle of Coke that I brought in myself, or that I bought locally because they won't sell me one, is just control freakery shit, you know, but that's that's part of the vibe they've got going. It's not fundamental to an eco-jungly hostel, it's not that far out of town, obviously, but that's how they choose to do it.
So, as I say, I don't know whether the Soulster thing's going to happen tonight, I kind of don't want to do it, but I might do it as an experiment. Whether that happens or not, the plan is basically to go and sit on the common area tonight and have a beer or two from the bar, I have no idea. I think they do sort of artisanal craft beers, but fuck knows whether it's going to be cheaper or not, I'll try and eat somewhere else. As I say, I'll do the Soulster thing if I can, just for a social fucking experiment. I honestly don't know if I'm going to fit in, that volunteer was nice enough, but if that French-Spanish guy that I met, I think he was French basically, the one who pulled up on the moped the other day, spoke to me, he's still there and he wasn't really super hippie, not at all really. I don't know that well, but it might be fine, but I don't want to prejudge it and at least there's a chance I'll sit around and have a beer and read on my phone or whatever, and if anyone wants to talk to me they do. But it's just so fucking hippie. The activity board is like wall-to-wall yoga with the odd like, oh, awaken your tantric sex spirit and they've got posters about all some sorts of touch thing where I assume people sit around and touch each other and it's supposed to be sensual or something and it's like, oh my god, I'm like 10% jealous and 90% cringe, but it's like, it really does have this super fucking eco-hippie vibe, which to be fair, they were very upfront about. But, you know, Bellita or Lost and Found have that nature, out in nature, living with it, yeah, there's insects, hiking, blah blah blah vibe, without this kind of activism or just really yoga-ish stuff which is different. But anyway, as I say, the plan is maybe tomorrow I will have some lessons to explore the site a bit more when I've not got my salsa lesson on the horizon to try and make me worry about getting my clothes dirty or getting extra sweaty or having to change again. But it's not a terribly bad place, you know, I've spoken to one of the people in the dorm, the dorm looks clean, there's a mosquito net, I'm honestly not terribly worried about insects or anything like that, who knows, but it is nice that I was able to do a really good hand wash. I hope the clothes will be nice, especially after a line dry, but we'll see.
And you know, yeah, they're very very upfront about it, so I can't really complain it's like the yoga stuff and all that I'm mentioning just because it's part of the atmosphere, but it's like honestly I didn't quite expect That I couldn't take a coke in or that they wouldn't say it's not that oh they want to sell it You know no no no no the issue is soda is bad So it's like I didn't expect that they don't seem to have an anti-plastic bottle thing I mean there's stuff about filling them up with plastic junk and not throwing them out empty, but it's fine No one's making a fuss about the fact that I'm reusing my plastic bottle for the 200th time But it's not technically a reusable bottle. That's fine They're not being asked about that which I might have expected, but I did not expect I think this is the one thing that really does surprise me that I cannot fucking take a soda in I mean if I did Maybe it would be fine, but you know the fact that they're actively saying this is the one thing that really is surprising me And while not a fucking killer is a little bit fucking annoying.
Oh and like, they don't have a guest kitchen at all, if you are a long term person staying, like over two months or something, they have a special remote area where those people live, and they have their own communal kitchen which only they can use, and even that doesn't have a fridge. So it's like, I don't know whether this is all eco-activism or whether it's a cynical ploy to make you buy stuff at their restaurant or go out, I don't know. I mean it's fine, it's fine, it does seem quite a nice place, I'm not saying the people are going to be terrible, you know, they may not all be fully into this vibe anyway, and people who are into this vibe can be interesting, even if we're not necessarily going to be bosom friends, it's like that volunteer woman at Satoshi in Mexico the other year. She, we didn't spend that much time talking, you know, I'm not that cool, but she was actually quite a slightly weird but interesting person, so you know, it's not like it's all the killer as I keep saying. Anyway, I think I'm going to finish this, I'm going to go back to Ocean Mart and get a bottle of coke and some more snacks because, you know, what the fuck, you know, let's go wild.
1607 got snacks and coke. I do think that, although it's technically not necessary, that being able to do the kite surfing is the swimming lessons paying off in a sense because, it's like today I'm doing the body drag upwind and it's like, yeah, I mean, there's a tiny bit of a fucking, I'm Jesus fucking drowning and coughing water up as the waves smash over me and change the direction and everything and it's like, it was a bit stressful, not terrible, but it's like, I think if I hadn't been swimming That would probably have been worse, and although you're wearing a lifejacket, and technically it doesn't matter, it's like, and you've got the fucking kite attached to you and the wind's blowing on shore, so like, really, with the lifejacket, you aren't going to be able to see it starting on sea, but you're getting blown back to shore, whether you like it or not, but, even so, despite the lifejacket and that, it's like, if I hadn't got the basic swimming experience and spent all that time doing that, I suspect I'd feel a lot more worried, like, ooh, I'm maybe heading out into deeper water and won't be able to stand up or something so yeah I think it is kind of paying off in that sense.
1638 having a quick casual browse through some old photos on the phone. It feels amazing that I was sitting in that hostel in Leon two weeks ago if I'm not confused. Of course my phone also worked properly at that point but you can't have everything.
1708 I probably already said but just in case I didn't like the instructor told me not unpleasantly as such the other day that I've got to stop clearing my eyes but also when you're doing the body drag up wind at least you can't because you know you've got one hand holding the bar and the other hand is stretched out just like to set your direction or something you know I guess the idea is that's why you are not being dragged directly where the kite wants to pull you but you can go up wind so you can't clear your eyes anyway because both hands are occupied that doesn't mean that you're not getting splashes of water in the face especially when the waves kick up and that makes it hard at least for me to know where the hell I'm going or but you know generally the kite seems to sort of mostly take care of itself long enough that you get your vision back properly before it crashes not always of course anyway just to sort of note from this stage of learning
1728 ftr I used all 6 of my plastic clothes pegs for probably first time in trip to hang clothes up after wash earlier
1748 at pan de mama, notionally the salsa class is on, I am dubious but feel I ought to try it on vaguely CBT ish grounds if nothing else. Want a piss and also to wash my hands but the sole toilet is occupied.
1758 will give it a fair shot but not hanging round all night could well imagine v low interest. Used wifi here to check WhatsApp, class tomorrow at 10 which is quite good, gives me plenty of the day but avoids having to be up super early, I may have breakfast at old hostel depending how new one feels, and not having to prep too early in dorm is also good.
Feeling reasonably optimistic about lesson tomorrow.
Not super optimistic about social aspect of hostel but also not actively fussed and will give that a shot. A beer or so (despite having had mojito and beer at beach) would be nice if not insanely expensive even if I just sit there and read on phone or whatever.
1808 handful of people here obv for class.
Was thinking other day the kite stuff was reminding me on James herriots war flying memoir bits with the instructor telling him to do stuff (pull the stick back!) and he felt he was doing it already but he couldn't say "I already am".
There is me and a group of about 3 youngish tourists who look like they are playing a game and there was a my age ish woman 9tdering before me who ibdont see right now.
This may be a cringe fest, it may not happen, but trying at least.
1811 earwigging as newly arrived couple chat with maybe dutch salsa dj. I get something about end of season and tbh suspect it won't happen. Would be a relief but will try to stick it out and nirse my coffee for another 19 mins or so.
I could go join the chat but don't want to over commit to the dancing.
P7 batt a bit low so trying not to read on it. May need it as torch to navigate paths at ez.
1818 on a random note call me an out of date prude but raindance offering hire of a tattoo gun to drunk people with slogan "drunk? Create your own nightmare" which I saw when there other night feels vaguely irresponsible and a bit off. But my attitude to tattoos is just so atroundingly out of step with most other people these days I am sure this is just me.
Mon 1838 was charging p7 last night so couldn't write on it. Let us catch up.
Skipping ahead, today's lesson not bad at all. I slightly overrated at hostel and also got lost on way out but just had time for usual gallo pinto breakfast at old hostel and then got to lesson. We did body drag upwind with board (wins v strong and I think we were going to upwind but instructor decided it was too strong) and then he showed me how to put feet into the board (I was frankly relieved to see you do not have to somehow scramble onto it, you tilt it 90 degrees and put your feet in the straps and then do a power dive with the kite which pulls you upright) and start to ride. Because I kept getting massively cpbudsed and mainly ending up with the boars with the heel positions a the top when I finished doing the bosy drag with the boars first (j believe this is needed to get further from shore or possibly onto deeper water before trying to start riding, after least a my level of control and safety) I never actually got to try the power dive bit and start riding. I think instructor really wanted me to axhoeve this this lesson and he was I think giving me a tiny bit of extra time but the kite lowt pressure or something and would not fly so it didn't really happen( I have no idea if this was my fault and didn't like to risk asking, but I suspect it wasn't in any significant way).
Fingers crossed for tonorrow.
The cut on my left foot is being slightly painful today and has just started itching (unless that is something else) but I think it is healong it is just par for the course for those kind of nasty but not major skin cut on the foot.
So I did the salsa which actually turned out to bemeeegnue as it is easier, dance class. About 8 of us with the instructor, one woman ezceaa so to speak so one danced with instructor and I ended up dancing with a fairly nice smiley probably local woman called maybe Ayra. I suggested she lead and she said but she alsokept doing all sorts of stuff not what we had been shown, which was fine for a bit of fun but would have been kind of annoying had I really been trying to learn any of the specific moges we were taught. Still fwiw this may be the first time I have danced with someone since those early evening un official dance lessons at the atitlan party hostel in 2018.
I left after the class. My phone batt was at 9% and I was a bit edgy going down the path to zop but it is last. We were dancing outside on the "step" outside pan de mama and I only noticed at the end that although i had felt quite sweaty all the time, i had somehow rubbed myself a bit raw down in intimate areas. I put some germolene on when went to bed maybe 9 on offchance and later about 1 when I woke up and it still hurt I remembered I had hydrocortisone cream and put some of that on and whatever the cause it was fine this morning.
Between getting back and bed I had a shower I'd I hadn't had one before the class (I can't remember) and then came to bar and got a litre bottle of tona for 140 and sat on own (but not blatantly feeling that a handsomer 25yo person immy place would have had any more social success just from sitting there, there was a young woman sitting on her own too for example) bit not feeling too awkward
Slept pretty well. No fans because eco and solar, but the dorm sides being semi open meant there really was a genuinely pleasant slightly cool breeze now and again.
So after class I went to ocean and their cash machine has an out of order sign. O think I can scrape enough IP for tonorrow at a pjnch and will try to check ocean machine on way out and if it isn't working go one from school to the machine at far end of beach road if I have to. I got some chicharron and a tona mixehlada and a litre of coke zero at ocean and had them on the beach.
Decided I would eztens here for wed night, nowhere else seems massively obviously tempting, I may go to raindance if I am staying on for more lessons but I cannot possibly stay there wed as it will be full and this way I have given zop a fair go and some time to maybe chat and it is quote nice even if the eg no soda rule pisses me off, so far it isn't an insect riddehellhole and I do kind of like the rural pseudo isolated feel.
So I did extend no problem and then wandered round the site a bit, went up the quite cool but mildly scary lookout tower (on way down I went into the lower level platform but the floor was deeply alarming and I immediately left it) and walked down to the petroglyphs by el porcenir. Few locals around which reduced mild edginess re non-existent dogs. Few drops of rain but nothing really started.
Then my second shower and Chang'iled into fresh clothes and walked out to marias for pollo frito and then back in dusk, wasn't using torch but as I got nearer hostel a dog appeared and barked a bit and didn't make a fuss but I felt better with torch on. Then brief fiddle with phones and usb stick backup in dorm and out here. I am sat in further from bar type area and some groups are having chat round me and where are you from questions suggesting they are not all long term friends but it doesnt feel remotely qppropriqte for me to try to join then and while mildly annoying and BNM ish it is also semi cool to sit here at least with chat around.
Some of the groups talking are vaguely kind of euro smug but maybe I am unfair. Fwiw there are some other tables with loners on. Not that bothered.
Anyway I think I have wlmore or less caught up. Oh the younger waitres ls woman at Maria's told me the small wiry white ans ginger dog is called Maya.
1911 it feels like I have burned the back of my neck despite being 99% sure (I did it last minute so do remember) I out sunblock on. My skin round lips also feels a bit sore. Neither anything major.
Feel a bit BNM now and a bit guilty for taking up a table but a) fuck em, I paid to be here b) even before I sat down the table only had this one xhair and there is on fact a giant bank of tables put together into a group of about 6 or 8 in the part I was sitting in yesterday, so not doing any harm anyway. It feels vaguely sucky but I can only "be about" and hope as always.
1916 fwiw "family sinner" just announced, I had seen this and didn't want to sign up (six dollars, likely vegan, likely inedoble to me, likely BNM but in hindsight just maybe it might have given me a chance to talk to people, but I didn't even think about that and tbh the other reasons still apply) but this may account for some of the groups in the bar area. And the rearranged fa les. Albeit actually some of the groups aren't here for that.
Dorm is nice and the solid mosquito nets stops at insect worries but it is mildly annoying as I can't sit on my bunk despite having a lower.
I did ask at reception and no need to sign up for pizza night tomorrow, it just starts at the pizzeria place (not been there yet) at 630. Some people talking about signing up to perform which might be cringe but fuck it.
I am feeling dedicedly BNM yet not actively frustrated or annoyed, nor does anyone else actual chat seem particularly something I want to join in with. It may be actually that nearly everyone elee here is doing the buffet, even if some didn't rush up as soon as it was announced.
Lesson is not too 11 tomorrow and while it might be better not to drink too much tonight (nothing went out the widnow when I decided to have that Michelasa at the beach, plus the fact I can sit here and drink beer or warm filtered water given the stjpid fucking soda rules pushes me towards beer). My consumption is most days lately but no individual day is remotely insane.
I am almost certainly not even trying to attend wet Wednesday. It would be mildly hellish getting back down the paths without a phone and I wouldn't want to take a phone to such a "wet" event and since ei don't now anyone to go with and my "thing" at the moment is the lessons and therefore I am not just casually free all day and don't want to be hngover or take a day off, it really feels best to give it a miss. Tomorrow's pizza night here may have some party vibes and even without that, wet Wednesday would feel forced and awkward and shit given all the above. I may eventually find myself in a hostel where it is natural to have a chat and go out for drinks again, or a hostel with some sort of party (I don't intend to but I could in theory try treehouse on return leg) where it might "just work", but right now - and I really don't think this is sour grapes - it doesnt feel like it remotely fits. If I had been able to get into a dorm at raindance itself that might have fopped the balance or at least somewhat pre-commited me, but as it stands no.
On a general note and trying not to be too optimistic or pessimistic, it is like "joining in with activities" here to get to know people isn't really on the xarsa both with
My lessons taking me out when most of the tours aeen to happen and the fact I am not a yoga person. I knew all this before I came I don't regret coming, the place is broadly cool and interesting in itself and I had no other amazing options to try out in terms of accom, social stuff was dead at last hostel, plus it is too early to absolutely write this place off social) y just yet. I can only keep plugging away etc etc. And at 10 dollars a night the dorm is not over expensive which helps keep costs down slightly and I was serious when I said the open-ish walls and the cool breeze from the surroundings did genuinely help at night, and while transparent the mosquito net does add a touch of cubicle style privacy.
1950 huge black spider like the one dead at the side of the road just walked round the floor. I lifted my feet. ;-) but didn't particularly freak out. Chatgpt was unsure if this was a tarabtula or wandering spider based on pur chat about the dead one the other day.
I am feeling a bit of a sad loser sitting here listening to people talk about xirxua skills courses and stuff. On the other hand, I actually don't feel that bitter. Ot3h I finished this litre and am not pissed but not 100% sure about another. But fuck it, maybe I will.
2001 got beer after queing behind a load of people checking in (at this time?). Some fucker stole my chair which feels scroteyvwhen I had left my bag on table but wth and someone left one of the groups so I asked if I could take her chair. I think I asked in English but not sure.
Tue 1712 so I'm voice typing this up at the Mirador waiting for sunset. Let's just bash some stuff out and see how it goes. So last night I I had my second litre of beer, and someone came over, I'm not feeling a bit pitiful, and she said, oh yeah, we're having that ceremony, the 6-12 full moon thing, I think it actually turns out to be, and I said, oh thanks, yeah, I don't ask if I've kept my beer, she said, no, no, it's an alcohol free space, I don't know if you cut it anyway, it'd be a 5 minute walk away, and I said, oh well, I might cook later then, and anyway, so I sat there, and I didn't rush the beer, and the bar was empty and out, and I was stupid and I chatted to an LM, but I mean, I personally reckon it was pretty quiet, and I don't reckon it would have been appropriate for me to speak to anyone, even if I was 25. Anyway, I sat there listening to some woman in slightly worse spirits than mine, but to be fair, not that much worse, give a virtual monologue to some local woman from Merida, who was sitting at the table next to me, and she's going on and on and on, and it's such fucking stereotypical liberal hippie shit, and she's talking about federal agents or something, and she's talking about some old women's protest in Kenya, which had something to do with some kind of shame attached to people seeing them naked, so they did a protest naked, and she's like, oh, and it's fantastic, maybe it was, I don't know the details of the particular prohibition, maybe that wasn't wanky, the whole thing just felt wanky.
So, despite the LLMs depressing me, I've got to fucking stop doing that, I left and I asked some rather bored, seeming bloke from the staff, presumably where it was, and I wasn't sure, and I wandered round, and I did find some other people who were coming from it and going to it, there was another big spider, the volunteer woman who was there said they were tarantulas, and she's like, oh don't be scared, and they were like, no, no, no, we're not scared, we're just fascinated, she said it was a tarantula, or that seems to be the general consensus, so we'll go with that. I must admit, I didn't startle as much, either with that one, or I followed this volunteer woman up on a bit of chat and we went up to the Temescal, or whatever the hell it was, and it was really about 11 after 10 at this point and I had 2 litres of beer, and it was quite nice actually, I didn't really talk to anyone or feel massively connected, but I sat on the sort of fringes and a couple of times people passed me a coconut shell with a bit of papaya or something like that in it, and there's people playing the I've got LED fire globes and someone's playing the guitar and they're passing it round a bit and all this is fire, I mean it's just laced with a little bit of socialism, oh no we asked for a donation, or social principle, you should pay what you can, you know, if you're well off you should pay more. I don't know exactly why they're doing this given it's part of the hostel experience and like the actual literal expense is a bit of firewood or something, and a bit of a papaya, but I mean I didn't begrudge them so I stick 50 in the box, I don't know whether that was enough, but anywhere any other night there's people saying stuff, I can't remember what they're saying stuff about, all energy and vibrations and all the full moon or the moon or whatever and it's not. Not quite my bag, but you know fair play to them, the actual atmosphere was quite nice all the same, I mean if I just sat there not even trying to talk to anyone, I kind of wish I'd gone earlier, but then I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out. I didn't really want to leave that beer and I didn't know it was happening, well I did know it was happening but I didn't know what it would be like, anyway it is what it is, I hope this bloody comes out.
So I left that about 11.30pm and I went and cleaned my teeth and went to bed. I felt basically okay, I mean that was certainly better than I'd expected. I woke up maybe 1am, 3am, not sure, maybe I was slightly drunk, but anyway, and I was sort of waking up from this strange, not quite nightmare where I didn't know where I was and I was all disoriented and I was vaguely mangled, kitesurfing, getting carried off into the sky and it was all just a bit weird. And then it's like I sort of realised, oh yeah, yeah, I'm in the dorm, I'm in the hostel and everything's fine, but as it wasn't a nightmare it was just a bit weird, fights quite sweaty in the night to be honest, I had a shower first thing in the morning because it was the late start, then I wandered over to hostel Santa Cruz and had my usual breakfast there and then I went into Ocean Mart and the cash machine was working and I got $500 out so that's something and then I went up to the lesson at 11.30.
The lesson wasn't bad in terms of general stuff. I didn't manage to ride again, which is a bit disappointing, but it is what it is. The wind seemed quite choppy to me. I mean, there were one or two points where the wind dropped for a fraction of a second. Anyway, so I did a lot of, oh hell, what's it called, a lot of body drag upwind with the board to, you know, get to a position where I could try to sort of get on the board. And that was getting better, the instructor said it was getting better, and I must say I could feel that. Actually getting on the board, absolute nightmare. I mean, he gave me some tips at the end of the lesson. I'm going to ask some questions tomorrow. I'm moderately optimistic I might get it. I must say there was an awful lot of like trying to get it on my feet and then I never got really to the point. Once or twice maybe of doing the power dive to get it going, but I think I had the board at the wrong angle. And there was an awful lot of losing the board and then I'm worried it's going to smash into my skull as it's behind me or take my teeth out. And then it's like sometimes I'm having to do the body drag without the board to get back to the board to recover it. And this is not perfect. And at times, especially if I've just sort of tried to taste, trying to start riding with the board, I'm getting seriously disoriented once I got quite near the beach and I was like feeling the sand dragging under me. And other times I'm out a bit further and it's like, I'm just getting tossed and turned in the waves and I'm trying to keep control of the kite and the kite is dragging me back and forth. And I'm not quite drowning and it's not quite panicking, but I'm getting a bit waterlogged and a bit and yeah, I mean, it was kind of all right. It's a shame I didn't manage to ride, but I think I'm getting closer. I think there is progress. Obviously it's a shame I'm not going faster, but can't be helped, you know, no prior experience, fairly old, never done anything like this. So yeah, not too bad. I'm still not quite sure how far I'm going to take it, but my original sort of rough budget estimate did see me allowing up to 20 hours. So I still have kind of two and a half days to go. And apparently I think I'm basically paying like $94 for two hours now, which isn't too bad.
So I'm just smashing this out on the voice-typing, I'm not going anywhere to correct it. I mean, you know, just to follow on from that, it's like, see, you know, I'm out there and I've failed to sort of get on the board and I'm trying to recover the board and I'm going one direction, I'm trying to do a body drag without the board to get near it and I do that sometimes and it works quite well and then I start to lose the kite or I've just fallen off and like waves are smashing over me and I can't see where the hell I'm going but the kite is magically still more or less in the air and then I do manage to recover it but then after that I'm still a bit screwed and I lose it the next time. I say I don't think I'm doing too badly, I think I am getting better, it's just slower than I would like, you know, I don't really look normal anyway of course, do I? But yeah, it is sort of fun, a little bit stressful when it gets that intense but yeah, it is kind of fun and so anyway, that's that.
So afterwards I went and I got a packet of bacon snack things like the ones the ants entertained me with the other day and a bottle of sugarcoats, they had no coke zero at Ocean Mart and I sat on the beach wall for a bit and that was fine and I like because there's a pizza thing tonight I didn't really eat it elsewhere and it's like solid so I stayed there and I came back to the hostel and I did some washing and then I think I wandered up towards the petroglyphs at the north end nothing amazing but sort of cool in their way and I went in what I think might be the Japanese shower which is just a sort of it is the same thing it's just a basic shower it's quite a powerful flow compared to the others even it's just coming from a stopcock type pipe it's just like the other showers but it's open to the air and that the area is a bit larger rather than you being in a fairly small concretey shower cubicle thing it was quite nice and I think amazing maybe it's not the thing I thought it was and then so I've come back up here I've got the P7 with me I can't really see the sunset going somewhere super brilliant of you but I might as well stay here and watch it I'm not worried about getting down I'm not super optimistic about chatting to anyone tonight maybe it's just me being negative but it's like I think I've passed where the pizza place is it's like there's lots of separate tables I mean I'm fairly sure I can't just walk up to a random table of people unless there's literally nowhere else to sit and it would still be awkward as fuck and well don't get me wrong I'm not feeling like awful or terrible anything it's just been so long since I've had what you might call a normal hostile common area conversation with anyone that I think I've lost any kind of faith that it happens or that it can ever happen with me anyway I mean I'll go I'll have a probably overpriced pizza there might be meat options I'm not sure but you know vegan will do I can have a few beers and there should be some sort of show fire show or something and maybe I will chat to someone maybe it'll be easy or maybe I'll make an effort but I'm not entirely clear I'm gonna see an opening to make an effort but it is what it is you know I've got a lesson tomorrow I don't know what time it is yet but I've noticed I'm in massive piss-off if I have like two litres of beer that's probably fine that's what I did yesterday yeah so I'm up here at the Mirador type place for the not not the Tower one but you know this place for the sunset that the volunteer did point out to me yesterday it doesn't really seem to be setting anywhere great but so it's already half seven sorry half five so sunset is about six the pizza thing I think nominally starts at six but I don't think you have to be there at six and honestly I don't know what's gonna happen I'm probably just gonna sit around like I would in the bar watching stuff but anyway we'll see how it goes I'm not feeling terrible it's just that I don't have an amazingly upbeat attitude but I don't think that's entirely unjustified I've said hi to a few people walking around the paths and stuff I really don't feel like I fit in then I often don't anyway I'm just talking shit now don't take any of this too seriously
I did call Dad from the beach when I was sitting there after I'd had my coke and my snack and that was actually quite a nice chat and one was busy. So that was something. Everything is basically okay. It's just, and I may even extend here, it kind of depends. I'm already booked in for tomorrow night. It kind of depends how long I expect to be around with the kite surfing. I'm not saying I won't stay longer if it feels I'm making progress or I want to try and cement things before I go. But we'll just have to see. So I may end up extending here or I may end up going somewhere else after Wednesday. We'll just take it a day at a time. It's not a big deal. So yeah, there we go. Try and be positive. If nothing happens, it's not necessarily my fault or social skill. It is, maybe it's not, but it's just such a slimy odd environment. Well, not that I really know what it's going to be like tonight. But anyway, there we are. I think I'm going to splash this out. I'm probably going to send this in a second because it's just been building up and up and up. I want to get it out before something happens.
Oh, if I didn't say it feels like my sort of ribs or the muscles or whatever in that area, I kind of saw from being bounced up and down on the board during the body drag. I don't think it's a big deal, just a note. There's a couple of people on top of the Mirador Tower. I just sort of waved to them. I don't think they saw me, but it's nice to see someone else up there. Okay, I'll stop waffling now.
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