Tue 1747 starting new entry still up on v windy mirador constantlyy worrying I will lose my cap. Have taken it off. Big brain moment.
1756 Fwiw I did a rough count and there were about 20 people up at the full moon bonfire thing last nightwhen I wa there. Given people were dipping in and out I suspect the hostel is quite a bit busier than that, thinking vaguely about the bar last night I might pull a figure of 30-40 out of my arse.
2120 fire performers pretty good. Pizza also not bad atmosphere is technically nice but I feel rather BNM. I did speak functionally to a couple of people (helped a couple of women out with some Spanish, asked a guy at next table where bog was, asked people if we needed to worry - genuine q - when a tarantula which I didn't see was spotted). But no one else seems to have been alone so chances to chat limite. I did just do a quick circuit and the only person alone is a young woman with blue hair who I am not making an effort with.
Lesson tomorrow is also super early at 8 15 bearing in mind the long walk from here and the need to get breakfast first. I did get a second litre and am drinking it now.
I don't feel wrist slittingly awful or anything and am quietly "comfortable" but fuck me this island feels like it is a tough nut socially so far. Not to be fair that things were great n leon or granada, but leon at least had its moments and Granada was like three days.
2156 nearly finished beer a woman on underpopulated dancefloor just sidbsome "amaeturly impressive" stuff with a big ring hanging about six feet above the floor. Like, she was a bit slow and hesitatn, but fuck me she sort of sat inside the ring and did the leg hanging thing I remember doing on high ropes course with a fucking support line and it is just hgligh enough it would probably be painful andmaybe dangerous if she fell maybe one of these amateur circus performers.
2159 heading backm it has thinned out cnsdierably. There maybe were 50+ people at peak, I didn't think to count. Quietly good night if we ignore BNM shit
Thu 1635 just ordered expensive 300 pollo al curry (asking for undressed salad at length) at hostel terrace. Some people across room talking about wet Wednesday, they are going, I am a bit surprised they are not there already.
I have experimentally booked in at raindance for two nights starting tomorrow. I feel a bit bad about leaving here but I can maybe come back and while it may just be me I suspect I am also on a hiding to nothing here socially. I have an 830 lesson again tomorrow which isn't ideal as I will have to pack tonight/early tomorrow and leave bag here and then hike back in to get it but not end of world.
Lesson was not too bad. I did manage to get up on the board and ride my first few metres, as I think the jargon has it. I was despairing a bit during lesson, despite to some extent it being driven out of my head the ongoing social shit is getting to me and I was feeling g a bit crap though fighting it. Utter chaos at points, fighting to recover the boars via body drag etc, half feeling I am drowning. But while I was up for a metre or two at most, I did rode entirely unassisted, body drag with boars out then on and up. And fwiw earlier the instructor helped me get up (in shallower bit) with him controlling kite as I fitted boars and I did during one of those attempts manage to ride very slightly further before more or less face planting.
He was very congratulatory and told other people back at school ("we have a new rider") and people were nice enough. I felt it was a bit "well it took me long enough" and was not as pleased with myself as I'd hope and wondered if people were being patronosing in a nice way but based on some limited research after-wars "first few metres" is a sort of recognized landmark, not just first successful ride without immediately crashing. I do feel a low key satisfaction at least. I will probably so at least two more lessons and take a view on things after that, I could stay another week if I really wanted, but let's see how it goes.
Ftr this lesson marks 17h and 8 days of lessons.
I had an ice cream and a michelada and a sugar coke and some plantain crisp things at beach then came back here and did some laundry and had a shower (in what is not the Japanese shower, as that apparently has walls of vegetation and this has walls of concrete). I also briefly wandered down to the mud bath, which is oddly cool but just a sort of hollow in the land with a water pipe which gets a bit muddy when watered.
So I am eating here partly to try it and partly to save the hike down to the road and back. But I can eg eat at Maria's another night, whereas I will not be hiking in here to eat so I figured give it a go.
1658 not a huge portion but not bad, it probably was real chicken not vegetarian, and I did get the salad undressed. I am gonna go lie in a hammock to sort of prove a point and because it is a bit too early to start drinking.
1738 in hammock. Fwiw I think it was quite temp cool in bed last night and had I nit had to be up so early I might have felt quite cosy in my mosquito net. I did go out to toilet at maybe 1 or 3 but for better or worse didn't see any tarantulas, though there was iirc one of those enormous roads.
The music in the terrace here is sort of vaguely classical instrumental in a sort of classy say but also melancholy as fuck.
A wasp landed in me a bit ago in hammock and I had eyes shut and emitted a yelp imagining it was a tarantula. :-)
1913 left hammock, quite cool looking at darkening sky and stars coming out and being intermittently hodden by clouds.
There was a big cool red dragonfly by the mud bath btw, no photo.
Sitting on terrace doing mild BNM where I was sat when the tarantula was about a few days ago. Got a litre of tona. Will probably not over nurse it and have an early night and maybe pack when finished.
It is a bit quiet but not deserted k assume most people will be at wet Wednesday. One table here is likely all volunteers, and fwiw given the very long term nature of volunteering here (min stay is something like 2 months) I suspect that adda something a bit cliquey.
1924 so it is the table of volunteers, two couples each at their own table, me, and two single women each sitting on their own. In some theoretical sense I suppose I could try talking to them but it feels wrong, if nothing else the fact a) I am sitting at this other table b) even if I had just walked in there are plenty of tables would make it very difficult to make a conversational foray. I suppose if you just don't give a shit it might be possible. I don't think it would be that much better if they were blokes, there would be a bit less stress but fundamentally the problem is making that initial comment which indirectly says "want to chat?" without it seeming unacceptably awkward.
1938 one of those women left, the other was waiting for food and is now eating. I have no real idea but this makes it feel like trying to chat to either would have been a bad idea. It is vaguely possible the one who just left got bored and would have been up for a chat.
Looking round nearer the actual reception there is another couple of couples and another solo woman. The xorrosive thing is that I cannot know if I am just being ridiculously over sensitive or worrying about social norms that don't exist, but even though I cannot really trust my own jusgmenet and that's the whole problem, I really suspect talking to any of them would not really be a great idea. (Yeah, if I had a marginal contact - a few words in a dorm or from some other random encounter - it might be different. On my imperfect judgement.)
Ftr there are some extremely smug quotes and stuff on a board here on terrace which I did snap a photo of earlier about how selfishness and greed etc are the main problem and we need a cultural shift etc etc. Standard eco activist shit really.
2029 really nice dog been running round panting for over half an hour. It came around ne and it took ages before I realised it was looking at a rock on the back of my seat. And a minute more before I realised it had put the rock there and that it wanted to play fetch. And despite the poor environment (other people were doing it too I realised) I did throw the rock for it a short distance several times and it kept bringing it back and it was super cute (a relatively large if not huge dog tool and this is I believe the first time I have ever actually played fetch with a dog.
2031 practically finished beer. I don't feel too bad at all - dog undoubtedly helped - but except for the one solo woman who is reading the social random chat vibe tonight is completely dead, I have an early start, have been drinking quite a lot lately and may srink more tomorrow if fingers crossed there is some sort of nice common area (eg the treehouse bit, which I read about but which I wasnt sure was open to me and didn't try to find or access on my flying visit) and some chance of casual chat. Tbh I may shortly start taking small dlyers like just asking random solos if I can sit at their table and see what happens, as I am both desperate and meta-thirsty for experimental data on whether this is in fact ok or not.
So I sort of cut that sentence off, but basically I may move towards bed and packing.
Male dog btw
Looking forward to and a bit scared of lesson tonorrow.
Fwiw not tonight as such but intermittent quotes that spring to mind during trip include "a hideous dogsnake appears" and (something about the vibe here, not meant pejoratively as such) that line from that Ben Elyon book about pregnancy to the effect that "these hippy birds must have fannies like tanned leather". I have also been singing Major Leagues to myself all the time following that random brief Pavement mention with Harvey on the night hot spring thing.
0706 just left dlrm. Didng want to get up but feel OKish now. Woke up about 0130 (perhaps cos some people came back but prob not) and went out for piss but didn't see any tarantulas or toads. Feel a bit sticky but it is nicer out here than in dorm. But edgy about having to change accom, bit edgy about class, bit sad to be leaving here, vague lingering meta shit feeling about letting al the social shit work me up so much and take the fun out of things a bit. Anyway, let's dump bag at reception and go for breakfast I have some clothes on the line which I will collect when I come back.
Bought apf 50 lip balm day as suspect lips have been getting sunburned, and wearing some today.
1800 at raindance. Had pizza on terrace. Adopting a slightly fuck it attitude and not feeling too bad at all.
Lesson ok, it pissed down whole at santa Cruz having breakfast but managed to avoid getting caught in it. Wind v light and lesson a bit odd but probably helpful to see how to control kite in different cknsitoons, I didn't manage to stand up on the boars but lj did at least try a few times and I suspect the wind wasn't helpful for a novxe, but probably ly slow progress.
Had coffee at cafetin m-something (where they do laundry at 10 cordobas an item, new hostel wants 300 a load btw) and then got a bottle of coke at ocean and went and picked bag and clothes off line at zopilote and took over to raindance where I checked in bug couldn't have dorm til 3. So iwl walked down to balgue and had a haircut at a small barbwr (100+10 tip as he seemed a bit cold at first but did make some Smalltalk with me in Spanish) and then back and got room. Feeling a touch BNM at that point but not too bad and I has a shower and a 30 min treading water srssion in the spring water pool and did happen to speak briefly to some guy who apoligised nicely but unnecessary for colonising the area near my bag and then proper shower and now out here for pizza (finished) and beer once I write this up. Movie night is at 8 but the film is a sirpriae, I just may sign up last minute if lots of space (I am not optimistic a random film will be ok with me given I don't do horror or being lectured) but as not that bothered and don't want to take a space for someone who might have wanted it if I end up walking out not rushing to sign up.
Had a white coffee at another small cafe on walk back from balgue after haircut.
I realised I had lost my litre disposable water bottle when going to dorm and was excessively pissed off, but I went out to town to buy a replacement and went into santa cru on offchance and I had left it there that morning.
I got to pick my own bed in the large cavernous pod-ish 12 bed dorm so picked 8 as that was the only lower bunk. With the mosquito cages I don't think upper bund is a big problem for phone falling but it is still nice to have "ownership" over a bit of floor space.
If I didn't already say after the first few durfing lessons the student wears a helmet with a walkie talkie on top so the instructor has a one way radio link to talk to then while they are some diatance away after various mabouevrea.
It may also be possible to get hot water in a cup here so I may be able to use my remaining capuchino sachets here. No kitchen (so no fuest fridge) but I did know that before I came and it seems that is not something you get on ometepe...
Lip continues feeling a bit sore and eg hurt when hot pizza xheese fell onto it, but probably not too big and deal and hopefully getting better.
1845 if I sleep ok will probably extend here til Monday. Chatting with grok confirms what tibreally already knew that while mildly daffy a single day run from here back to Leon (not Granada, if Grok is wrong Granada would do at a push but aleon would save time and I am not gagging to return to Granada) doable. But worried they will sell out but see how it goes. I am not saying I am leaving Monday but this will be my earlier departure. I don't want to go on a Sunday.
Not sure this is gonna be super sociable but some limited prospects, I kind of no longer actively care, let the cards fall as they may, just don't over filter myself if opportunities arise and roll with it.
I am vaguely tempted not to srink today - I have been drinking most days, albeit not to excess, just a lot cimulativrly - but we will see. I have juat ordered juice of the day and may have a beer after. Kind of leaning towards an early bed, I am not knackered, if nothing is doing
(And I am not desperate for movie night and so far only one person has signed up and for some reason it is min 2) I may go to bed 830-9 given early start combined with the additional hassle/stress of changing hostel. I may have breakfast here by way of social experiment. Lesson is 830 tonorrow as well which isn't ideal but this hostel is effectively closer than Zop I just may visit the Zop pizza night which I think is open to public from here if I can extend, walking the path in and out might give me a chance to see some tarantulas but is otherwise fine as there is no reason I wouldn't have a solid phone charge.
If I can't eztens here I will have to think about it but deal with that I'd it happens.
Barber told me there is a party at Raindance on Saturday as well as Wednesday but I am not sure there is. Will bear it in mind anyway.
Barber also asked if I had rented a bike, I said I couldn't drive, he told me about the buses and when I left he popped out into the street to tell me the bus that was coming past would take me to raindance (but I said thanks it was fine as I wanted to walk, which I did).
2017 pretty busy, I suspect movie night didn't happen and so many people about that adda to it. I feel massively out of it, even the apparently solo guys seem to someone know each other and chat internittently. That said, I really actually mostly an not worked up about it, apart from sitting in one of the handful of chairs at the bar (which perhaps feel a bit reserved for staff/volunteers in practice) there is not much I can realistically do to influence things so just have to not get worked up and carry on pleasing myself.
I haven't had a beer yet and because it would be good to have a day off and I see no real prospect of anything happening tonight and will probably go to bed soonish I will resist the very minor temptation to have one there seems to be some sort of weird crowd movement going on which seems utterly inexplicable, maybe a big group just turned up.
To be fair I am not more out of it than I was at zop and I probably do have slightly more in common with these people (who may also possibly have largely met each other and bonded over the wet Wednesday party last night, of course) than I do the Zop people. Give it time ans don't get worked up about what probably ly is almost entirely out of my control. Will likely do the free pkaya mango trip tomorrow, it may give me an excuse for some ice breaking chat but even if it doesn't it would be good to go for itself. And I may well try to lounge round a bit tomorrow as well both for its own sake ( I haven't really had this one way or another, yes exploring zop estate a bit sort of counts but not really just trying to chill out and do nothing) and on the offchance this is helpful. But I think (not that I am sure I ever have tbh) I am past doing stuff just on the offchance of meeting people. I have to at least sort of want the activity for itself.
Some old (my age or older) woman and guys were here earlier when I was swimming being frankly a bit annoying. This is semi encouraging.
To be clear the vibe is very much tables of friends with some fluidity as people move around a great each other but the vibe is not like eg that night in Santa Ana early in trip when a sort of amorphous group of the 10ish people in the common area formed out of distinct strangers and maybe pairs of friends.
None of this probably changes my plan to extend to Sun inclusive if I can. There is nowhere obviously better to go, I haven't given this a fair shot yet anyway, this is no worse than anywhere else and with so many people around the chances of something random happening are higher, etc.
I may chance some random chat or passing comment with someone as opportunity permits which may well be easier during the day bit right now don't think that is on the cards. And as always, I don't think age helps but it really isn't the primary factor, which is sort of depressing and sort of reassuring. I think patience combined with modest efforts to just make casual contact and see if things spiral from there is the only workable recipe.
Putting aside the BNM aspect, the atmosphere is not unpleasant. It is lively and not threatening (except with jealousy :-)) and while the music isn't really my preferred style, it is sort of varied and not overly wanky and has solid but not overpowering rhythm at a sane volume which does have me semi moving my feet a bit.
I may however eat at Maria's tomorrow night as I don't want to live on pizza, being here to eat dinner doesn't seen socially relevant and while it was nice not to have to go out tonight, it isn't a huge factor or something I need every night. Especially I'd I may be at the Zop pizza thing on Saturday.
2048 ok, fuck this. It is past the point where it is fun in a quiet way being here on my own (especially with no beer and feeling a bit tired anyway and with an early start), let's go to bed.
2116 in bed. Asked some woman howbtobturn light in pod on but she had just arrived, I figures it out with the curtains and everything it is quite a nice little private berth.
Fri 0716 just asked about extending, everything is booked, not just my bed in tha tsorm, everything. Wtf. But let's move for breakfast at santa Cruz (tipiico hear takes a while, some one just asked, and i need to get prepped for lesson too, waiting to ask about this delayed me). Shit but let's look onto it further later on, can't be helped, all for the best tin long run, etc etc.
1655 lesson stressful as shit. Walkie talkie didn't work as I was body dragging out with board, it turned out I had allegedly been told all sorts of stuff I hadn't (eg keep turning back to look in case instructor was making signals( and I got a bollocking for coping with it as best to could (finally stopping after deciding it was weird but not soon enough, not body dragging upwind which I did consider because I was worried I would interfere with one of the other kiters and hurt myself or them, watching very carefully to make sure no one was around and deliberately semi crashing the kite on the water in a controlled way and letting it drag me in, figuring this would since I had avoided anyone being around would be a very clear "this guy doesn't k ow what he is doing" signal). To give myself credit I feel pleased I didn't outright panic at being out there without ditextions.
And then we were doing some water starts nearer shore instructor holding my belt from back to help me get up and I kept face panting (fine) and then losing the kite in apparently unacceptable ways in the fucking chaos afterwards and getting bollocks for that. I nearly lost it with the instructor but said I was getting "stressed" and he asked if I wanted a minute to relax or something. While trying to jolly me along and make chit chat he asked my hobbies and I said learning to swim and I think that made him (legit enough) think I didn't know how to swim and I clarified this was intermediate level stuff like swimming a mile and that I could swim but I have no idea if he is worried about this or not. I didn't think I had shown any particular signs of being nervous in the water qua water but who knows, and to be fair he had never questioned this (beyond me clearing my eyes too much, which I haven't mostly stopped doing) before.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. But I am close enough to the end I don't want to rock the boat too much and will maybe just try to not let him get to me but I suspect he is going to get ragty when I continue to not follow his instructions because I am just trying to avoid getting bollocks and it all half formed intuition.
I had a white coffee at cafe m-whatsit and tried to mull things over. Two nice little kittens and one was very friendly and even came up on lap and sat there and I had to regretfully eject it. Did make me feel a bit better.
Getting pretty sick of what seems it ought to be a fun challenge turn into what feels like a constant moral beating.
While it was generally sucky there was maybe a hint of slow progress, I did maybe ride 5m before falling off albeit with instructor helping me nount and I am confused as fuck about what I am supposed to so and don't really feel I can ask questions any more. I don't know if I will try to speak to instructor tonorrow or just grind it out and try to mysteriously have a positive attitude.
I am at playa mangos. We came over in the back of a oickuo truck. Didn't speak to anyone and felt a bit shit though to be fair except for a possibly Australian guy talking to two Essex girls who seem to be his friends, no one else was chatting either. I felt generally awkward and a bit shit got a beer here and some guy sitting on his own at a fairly big table (a general tourist not someone from our group) let me sit at the other end.
I have no sunblock on and am hoping my face isn't going to get burned. I also went out in red t shirt today and my own fault stupidly probably for some burn on arms from walking round post lesson. I did toy with going back to dorm to change it but I was already a bit tight for time ans the under best locker has a hinged up door and the lock ispoaition right under the ladder so you have to kneel on the floor and risk smashing your head on the ladder when you lift it and I decided to just run with the red t shirt. Not a huge deal.
After much dithering and looking at booking I decided that as raindance is only booked up tonight, I have booked back in sun and Mon night. I couldn't get tueada night and obviously not Wednesday. I have booked in qt Maria's as a wildcard gamble with a private single for tomorrow night and will probably walk over to pizza at zopilote and if I happen to chat to anyone that is a minor miracle but otherwise just have a pizza and try to enjoy the fire show and not get worked up about it.
I booked back in at raindance as it is probably a better fit for me (not a good fit - I am old - but a better fit, I am far more "party and beers" than I am "eco-activist new age hippie") and has structured activities (eg I will do the free casino night tonight at 8, and incidentally despite wit being three days in a row I will likely have a pizza tonight when we get back, I had breakfast at santa Cruz as usual by the way) which just might lead to some connection and if not offer minimal social interaction in themselves. I did post on hostelworld chat saying I was solo travelling and asking if anyone wanted a chat or a beer, no response but it was a low stakes experiment and that is after all what the chat is for.
Changing hostel tonorrow and the day after will suck but to be fair they are all close together and raindance will almost certainly guard my bag both days even if Maria's won't.
Quite apart from the psychological issues with the kitsurfing, I have to draw it to a close soonish. I don't have unlimited money or time and I want to get back to the mainland and try some hostels where I may be in with a chance of some chat and I dont want to be absolutely haring it back to san Salvador with no time to do anything en route. I don't know how this will work, I don't have a solid end date, even if things go amazingly from now on I need to stop at some point. I guess having a hostel booked up to and including mlnday nkght semi says that Monday being last lesson is the default position, but if I feel an extra lesson or two might give a better finishing place even if it is feeling shit I may push it further. As noted before beyond la union volcano and maybe a second crack at volcano boarding are more or less the only specific places/things I want to do, it is more about playing it by ear and trying to relax and enjoying free time (which I haven't had in a semi -good way due to surf lessons, much as when I have had daily Spanish lessons) and experimenting with hostel socialising and just touristing it up.
I don't have to make any decisions on this yet. I can likely leave without too much stress at half a days notice and so I can now just see how things go with the surfing and try to make a decision more Sunday/Monday.
Dorm at Maria's might have been more social but I figured fuck it, get the private, it is cheap. And I don't know if the comedor turns into a pure guests only common space once it shuts to the public at 1930ish and if for that one day I have nowhere good to hang around for the day not end of world, it is a hit like zop but different where there is a nice terrace to hang out on solo but you can't take a coke in and it is so far from town it isn't just a drop in.
I didn't hanf around at the hostel as much as I planned today but that was 10% surfing thoughts and 90% trying to decide how to deal with not being able to extend. I will probably try to hang out there (for facilities/relaxation, not particularly socially) on my next stay.
It does feel like here on Ometepe here are no mid size hostels with a handful of two of people where you night get xasual chat. It is all almost dead stuff like eg Santa Cruz or big places Raindance and Zop which both have their own mismatches for a solo (and honestly sucky as it is it doesn't feel like being 25 would make much difference). Band because of my choice to surf, I don't want to stray too far away so my choices are limited.
I am not just faking it to say that I am trying to focus - albeit the psychodrama round surfing plus trying to decide on accom plans have intervened today - on enjoying what is good and not getting worked up about a social drought which is probably largely not my fault, not actually a life or trip ruining detail if not exaggerated or catastrophised and which merits a bit of casual mental attention to look for mixro opportunities I might otherwise fail to take but should otherwise just be ignores and left to resolve itself or not resolve and fuck it either way.
There is a platform (I think the water is 2m deep there according to a sign) you can swim out to but most people aren't swimming, I didn't bring trunks, it would be a bit faffy with this short visit (albeit I could have done it), kind of cool but nothing I didn't do at apoyo and it isn't as if I didn't spend two hours this morning falling into the lake already.
Also a water swing which looks vaguely fun but I would probably never get near and not a major regret either.
Beer here is not cheap at 70 but cheaper than hostel (80) and I had a tona on beach with some spicy chiccharon after coffee at M-whats so this isn't a not drinking day and I will probably have a second beer. Mildly pleased with myself for asking this bloke if I could sit at his table.
1805 not a bad sunset. Brain churning and ruminating a bit.
Fwiw the group I came out with is very heavily dominated by young women, which maybe fives me some excuse for not trying to chat. Might have been like two or three blokes including me and a dozen women or something.
1852 actually joined in chat a bit on way back, oddly enough. Not super matey but not bad. Fwiw the woman I spoke to in dorm last night is actually Italian, from Naples.
Have ordered a pizza (I am at least having gallo pinto so not living entirely off pizza). Will probably do the free casino night at 8 or 830 and depending how that goes aemi early bight. Need to change hostel tomorrow and lesson is at 9 (I had asked for it to be a smidge later but only if it didn't compromise on wind etc).
Fwiw I don't know why but apparently the b-whatsot hostel volcano boarding on leon is far more of a party on tuesday and Saturday iirc. Not sure I want this but someone was saying it on the drive back. (If I so do it, maybe party but also maybe quetzal trekkers as you get two descents and I did already do the parry bus. But we will see.)
2022 no sign of casino night yet. Feel a bit tired. Not down as such but nevertheless slightly lonely. There is an oldish couple here btw. Bit edgy about fucking lesson.
Lyomg on a cushioned sofa-ish thing. My left buttock (not quite) hurts from a bashing impact falling backwards off board this morning btw.
2039 yawning. Tbh I may go to bed at 9 yes there night be minimal social opp with casino night to follow up on minimal chat earlier but not over optimistic and tbh it may not happen at all. Supposed to be free punch.
I think some woman just got a curry. I should check out the menu (albeit I suspect it is expensive) when I come back instead of just going for the pizza or going out.
2117 not mega hacked off except about lesson. But I am tired, I don't expect huge social gains from casino night if it does happen (and I was told 8 or 830, forget which) and I am not too worked up about a free glass of punch. I am going to bed. It was an early start and given hostel switch even with a 9 lesson it is still an earlyish start.
Yeah, this isn't pique with the hostel to be clear. I am just tired and I am not sure it is happening and I am sitting here on my own and my upper left buttock hurts and I had a few beers over the afternoon/evening and an early start and I am going to bed.
2138 in bed.
1756 Fwiw I did a rough count and there were about 20 people up at the full moon bonfire thing last nightwhen I wa there. Given people were dipping in and out I suspect the hostel is quite a bit busier than that, thinking vaguely about the bar last night I might pull a figure of 30-40 out of my arse.
2120 fire performers pretty good. Pizza also not bad atmosphere is technically nice but I feel rather BNM. I did speak functionally to a couple of people (helped a couple of women out with some Spanish, asked a guy at next table where bog was, asked people if we needed to worry - genuine q - when a tarantula which I didn't see was spotted). But no one else seems to have been alone so chances to chat limite. I did just do a quick circuit and the only person alone is a young woman with blue hair who I am not making an effort with.
Lesson tomorrow is also super early at 8 15 bearing in mind the long walk from here and the need to get breakfast first. I did get a second litre and am drinking it now.
I don't feel wrist slittingly awful or anything and am quietly "comfortable" but fuck me this island feels like it is a tough nut socially so far. Not to be fair that things were great n leon or granada, but leon at least had its moments and Granada was like three days.
2156 nearly finished beer a woman on underpopulated dancefloor just sidbsome "amaeturly impressive" stuff with a big ring hanging about six feet above the floor. Like, she was a bit slow and hesitatn, but fuck me she sort of sat inside the ring and did the leg hanging thing I remember doing on high ropes course with a fucking support line and it is just hgligh enough it would probably be painful andmaybe dangerous if she fell maybe one of these amateur circus performers.
2159 heading backm it has thinned out cnsdierably. There maybe were 50+ people at peak, I didn't think to count. Quietly good night if we ignore BNM shit
Thu 1635 just ordered expensive 300 pollo al curry (asking for undressed salad at length) at hostel terrace. Some people across room talking about wet Wednesday, they are going, I am a bit surprised they are not there already.
I have experimentally booked in at raindance for two nights starting tomorrow. I feel a bit bad about leaving here but I can maybe come back and while it may just be me I suspect I am also on a hiding to nothing here socially. I have an 830 lesson again tomorrow which isn't ideal as I will have to pack tonight/early tomorrow and leave bag here and then hike back in to get it but not end of world.
Lesson was not too bad. I did manage to get up on the board and ride my first few metres, as I think the jargon has it. I was despairing a bit during lesson, despite to some extent it being driven out of my head the ongoing social shit is getting to me and I was feeling g a bit crap though fighting it. Utter chaos at points, fighting to recover the boars via body drag etc, half feeling I am drowning. But while I was up for a metre or two at most, I did rode entirely unassisted, body drag with boars out then on and up. And fwiw earlier the instructor helped me get up (in shallower bit) with him controlling kite as I fitted boars and I did during one of those attempts manage to ride very slightly further before more or less face planting.
He was very congratulatory and told other people back at school ("we have a new rider") and people were nice enough. I felt it was a bit "well it took me long enough" and was not as pleased with myself as I'd hope and wondered if people were being patronosing in a nice way but based on some limited research after-wars "first few metres" is a sort of recognized landmark, not just first successful ride without immediately crashing. I do feel a low key satisfaction at least. I will probably so at least two more lessons and take a view on things after that, I could stay another week if I really wanted, but let's see how it goes.
Ftr this lesson marks 17h and 8 days of lessons.
I had an ice cream and a michelada and a sugar coke and some plantain crisp things at beach then came back here and did some laundry and had a shower (in what is not the Japanese shower, as that apparently has walls of vegetation and this has walls of concrete). I also briefly wandered down to the mud bath, which is oddly cool but just a sort of hollow in the land with a water pipe which gets a bit muddy when watered.
So I am eating here partly to try it and partly to save the hike down to the road and back. But I can eg eat at Maria's another night, whereas I will not be hiking in here to eat so I figured give it a go.
1658 not a huge portion but not bad, it probably was real chicken not vegetarian, and I did get the salad undressed. I am gonna go lie in a hammock to sort of prove a point and because it is a bit too early to start drinking.
1738 in hammock. Fwiw I think it was quite temp cool in bed last night and had I nit had to be up so early I might have felt quite cosy in my mosquito net. I did go out to toilet at maybe 1 or 3 but for better or worse didn't see any tarantulas, though there was iirc one of those enormous roads.
The music in the terrace here is sort of vaguely classical instrumental in a sort of classy say but also melancholy as fuck.
A wasp landed in me a bit ago in hammock and I had eyes shut and emitted a yelp imagining it was a tarantula. :-)
1913 left hammock, quite cool looking at darkening sky and stars coming out and being intermittently hodden by clouds.
There was a big cool red dragonfly by the mud bath btw, no photo.
Sitting on terrace doing mild BNM where I was sat when the tarantula was about a few days ago. Got a litre of tona. Will probably not over nurse it and have an early night and maybe pack when finished.
It is a bit quiet but not deserted k assume most people will be at wet Wednesday. One table here is likely all volunteers, and fwiw given the very long term nature of volunteering here (min stay is something like 2 months) I suspect that adda something a bit cliquey.
1924 so it is the table of volunteers, two couples each at their own table, me, and two single women each sitting on their own. In some theoretical sense I suppose I could try talking to them but it feels wrong, if nothing else the fact a) I am sitting at this other table b) even if I had just walked in there are plenty of tables would make it very difficult to make a conversational foray. I suppose if you just don't give a shit it might be possible. I don't think it would be that much better if they were blokes, there would be a bit less stress but fundamentally the problem is making that initial comment which indirectly says "want to chat?" without it seeming unacceptably awkward.
1938 one of those women left, the other was waiting for food and is now eating. I have no real idea but this makes it feel like trying to chat to either would have been a bad idea. It is vaguely possible the one who just left got bored and would have been up for a chat.
Looking round nearer the actual reception there is another couple of couples and another solo woman. The xorrosive thing is that I cannot know if I am just being ridiculously over sensitive or worrying about social norms that don't exist, but even though I cannot really trust my own jusgmenet and that's the whole problem, I really suspect talking to any of them would not really be a great idea. (Yeah, if I had a marginal contact - a few words in a dorm or from some other random encounter - it might be different. On my imperfect judgement.)
Ftr there are some extremely smug quotes and stuff on a board here on terrace which I did snap a photo of earlier about how selfishness and greed etc are the main problem and we need a cultural shift etc etc. Standard eco activist shit really.
2029 really nice dog been running round panting for over half an hour. It came around ne and it took ages before I realised it was looking at a rock on the back of my seat. And a minute more before I realised it had put the rock there and that it wanted to play fetch. And despite the poor environment (other people were doing it too I realised) I did throw the rock for it a short distance several times and it kept bringing it back and it was super cute (a relatively large if not huge dog tool and this is I believe the first time I have ever actually played fetch with a dog.
2031 practically finished beer. I don't feel too bad at all - dog undoubtedly helped - but except for the one solo woman who is reading the social random chat vibe tonight is completely dead, I have an early start, have been drinking quite a lot lately and may srink more tomorrow if fingers crossed there is some sort of nice common area (eg the treehouse bit, which I read about but which I wasnt sure was open to me and didn't try to find or access on my flying visit) and some chance of casual chat. Tbh I may shortly start taking small dlyers like just asking random solos if I can sit at their table and see what happens, as I am both desperate and meta-thirsty for experimental data on whether this is in fact ok or not.
So I sort of cut that sentence off, but basically I may move towards bed and packing.
Male dog btw
Looking forward to and a bit scared of lesson tonorrow.
Fwiw not tonight as such but intermittent quotes that spring to mind during trip include "a hideous dogsnake appears" and (something about the vibe here, not meant pejoratively as such) that line from that Ben Elyon book about pregnancy to the effect that "these hippy birds must have fannies like tanned leather". I have also been singing Major Leagues to myself all the time following that random brief Pavement mention with Harvey on the night hot spring thing.
0706 just left dlrm. Didng want to get up but feel OKish now. Woke up about 0130 (perhaps cos some people came back but prob not) and went out for piss but didn't see any tarantulas or toads. Feel a bit sticky but it is nicer out here than in dorm. But edgy about having to change accom, bit edgy about class, bit sad to be leaving here, vague lingering meta shit feeling about letting al the social shit work me up so much and take the fun out of things a bit. Anyway, let's dump bag at reception and go for breakfast I have some clothes on the line which I will collect when I come back.
Bought apf 50 lip balm day as suspect lips have been getting sunburned, and wearing some today.
1800 at raindance. Had pizza on terrace. Adopting a slightly fuck it attitude and not feeling too bad at all.
Lesson ok, it pissed down whole at santa Cruz having breakfast but managed to avoid getting caught in it. Wind v light and lesson a bit odd but probably helpful to see how to control kite in different cknsitoons, I didn't manage to stand up on the boars but lj did at least try a few times and I suspect the wind wasn't helpful for a novxe, but probably ly slow progress.
Had coffee at cafetin m-something (where they do laundry at 10 cordobas an item, new hostel wants 300 a load btw) and then got a bottle of coke at ocean and went and picked bag and clothes off line at zopilote and took over to raindance where I checked in bug couldn't have dorm til 3. So iwl walked down to balgue and had a haircut at a small barbwr (100+10 tip as he seemed a bit cold at first but did make some Smalltalk with me in Spanish) and then back and got room. Feeling a touch BNM at that point but not too bad and I has a shower and a 30 min treading water srssion in the spring water pool and did happen to speak briefly to some guy who apoligised nicely but unnecessary for colonising the area near my bag and then proper shower and now out here for pizza (finished) and beer once I write this up. Movie night is at 8 but the film is a sirpriae, I just may sign up last minute if lots of space (I am not optimistic a random film will be ok with me given I don't do horror or being lectured) but as not that bothered and don't want to take a space for someone who might have wanted it if I end up walking out not rushing to sign up.
Had a white coffee at another small cafe on walk back from balgue after haircut.
I realised I had lost my litre disposable water bottle when going to dorm and was excessively pissed off, but I went out to town to buy a replacement and went into santa cru on offchance and I had left it there that morning.
I got to pick my own bed in the large cavernous pod-ish 12 bed dorm so picked 8 as that was the only lower bunk. With the mosquito cages I don't think upper bund is a big problem for phone falling but it is still nice to have "ownership" over a bit of floor space.
If I didn't already say after the first few durfing lessons the student wears a helmet with a walkie talkie on top so the instructor has a one way radio link to talk to then while they are some diatance away after various mabouevrea.
It may also be possible to get hot water in a cup here so I may be able to use my remaining capuchino sachets here. No kitchen (so no fuest fridge) but I did know that before I came and it seems that is not something you get on ometepe...
Lip continues feeling a bit sore and eg hurt when hot pizza xheese fell onto it, but probably not too big and deal and hopefully getting better.
1845 if I sleep ok will probably extend here til Monday. Chatting with grok confirms what tibreally already knew that while mildly daffy a single day run from here back to Leon (not Granada, if Grok is wrong Granada would do at a push but aleon would save time and I am not gagging to return to Granada) doable. But worried they will sell out but see how it goes. I am not saying I am leaving Monday but this will be my earlier departure. I don't want to go on a Sunday.
Not sure this is gonna be super sociable but some limited prospects, I kind of no longer actively care, let the cards fall as they may, just don't over filter myself if opportunities arise and roll with it.
I am vaguely tempted not to srink today - I have been drinking most days, albeit not to excess, just a lot cimulativrly - but we will see. I have juat ordered juice of the day and may have a beer after. Kind of leaning towards an early bed, I am not knackered, if nothing is doing
(And I am not desperate for movie night and so far only one person has signed up and for some reason it is min 2) I may go to bed 830-9 given early start combined with the additional hassle/stress of changing hostel. I may have breakfast here by way of social experiment. Lesson is 830 tonorrow as well which isn't ideal but this hostel is effectively closer than Zop I just may visit the Zop pizza night which I think is open to public from here if I can extend, walking the path in and out might give me a chance to see some tarantulas but is otherwise fine as there is no reason I wouldn't have a solid phone charge.
If I can't eztens here I will have to think about it but deal with that I'd it happens.
Barber told me there is a party at Raindance on Saturday as well as Wednesday but I am not sure there is. Will bear it in mind anyway.
Barber also asked if I had rented a bike, I said I couldn't drive, he told me about the buses and when I left he popped out into the street to tell me the bus that was coming past would take me to raindance (but I said thanks it was fine as I wanted to walk, which I did).
2017 pretty busy, I suspect movie night didn't happen and so many people about that adda to it. I feel massively out of it, even the apparently solo guys seem to someone know each other and chat internittently. That said, I really actually mostly an not worked up about it, apart from sitting in one of the handful of chairs at the bar (which perhaps feel a bit reserved for staff/volunteers in practice) there is not much I can realistically do to influence things so just have to not get worked up and carry on pleasing myself.
I haven't had a beer yet and because it would be good to have a day off and I see no real prospect of anything happening tonight and will probably go to bed soonish I will resist the very minor temptation to have one there seems to be some sort of weird crowd movement going on which seems utterly inexplicable, maybe a big group just turned up.
To be fair I am not more out of it than I was at zop and I probably do have slightly more in common with these people (who may also possibly have largely met each other and bonded over the wet Wednesday party last night, of course) than I do the Zop people. Give it time ans don't get worked up about what probably ly is almost entirely out of my control. Will likely do the free pkaya mango trip tomorrow, it may give me an excuse for some ice breaking chat but even if it doesn't it would be good to go for itself. And I may well try to lounge round a bit tomorrow as well both for its own sake ( I haven't really had this one way or another, yes exploring zop estate a bit sort of counts but not really just trying to chill out and do nothing) and on the offchance this is helpful. But I think (not that I am sure I ever have tbh) I am past doing stuff just on the offchance of meeting people. I have to at least sort of want the activity for itself.
Some old (my age or older) woman and guys were here earlier when I was swimming being frankly a bit annoying. This is semi encouraging.
To be clear the vibe is very much tables of friends with some fluidity as people move around a great each other but the vibe is not like eg that night in Santa Ana early in trip when a sort of amorphous group of the 10ish people in the common area formed out of distinct strangers and maybe pairs of friends.
None of this probably changes my plan to extend to Sun inclusive if I can. There is nowhere obviously better to go, I haven't given this a fair shot yet anyway, this is no worse than anywhere else and with so many people around the chances of something random happening are higher, etc.
I may chance some random chat or passing comment with someone as opportunity permits which may well be easier during the day bit right now don't think that is on the cards. And as always, I don't think age helps but it really isn't the primary factor, which is sort of depressing and sort of reassuring. I think patience combined with modest efforts to just make casual contact and see if things spiral from there is the only workable recipe.
Putting aside the BNM aspect, the atmosphere is not unpleasant. It is lively and not threatening (except with jealousy :-)) and while the music isn't really my preferred style, it is sort of varied and not overly wanky and has solid but not overpowering rhythm at a sane volume which does have me semi moving my feet a bit.
I may however eat at Maria's tomorrow night as I don't want to live on pizza, being here to eat dinner doesn't seen socially relevant and while it was nice not to have to go out tonight, it isn't a huge factor or something I need every night. Especially I'd I may be at the Zop pizza thing on Saturday.
2048 ok, fuck this. It is past the point where it is fun in a quiet way being here on my own (especially with no beer and feeling a bit tired anyway and with an early start), let's go to bed.
2116 in bed. Asked some woman howbtobturn light in pod on but she had just arrived, I figures it out with the curtains and everything it is quite a nice little private berth.
Fri 0716 just asked about extending, everything is booked, not just my bed in tha tsorm, everything. Wtf. But let's move for breakfast at santa Cruz (tipiico hear takes a while, some one just asked, and i need to get prepped for lesson too, waiting to ask about this delayed me). Shit but let's look onto it further later on, can't be helped, all for the best tin long run, etc etc.
1655 lesson stressful as shit. Walkie talkie didn't work as I was body dragging out with board, it turned out I had allegedly been told all sorts of stuff I hadn't (eg keep turning back to look in case instructor was making signals( and I got a bollocking for coping with it as best to could (finally stopping after deciding it was weird but not soon enough, not body dragging upwind which I did consider because I was worried I would interfere with one of the other kiters and hurt myself or them, watching very carefully to make sure no one was around and deliberately semi crashing the kite on the water in a controlled way and letting it drag me in, figuring this would since I had avoided anyone being around would be a very clear "this guy doesn't k ow what he is doing" signal). To give myself credit I feel pleased I didn't outright panic at being out there without ditextions.
And then we were doing some water starts nearer shore instructor holding my belt from back to help me get up and I kept face panting (fine) and then losing the kite in apparently unacceptable ways in the fucking chaos afterwards and getting bollocks for that. I nearly lost it with the instructor but said I was getting "stressed" and he asked if I wanted a minute to relax or something. While trying to jolly me along and make chit chat he asked my hobbies and I said learning to swim and I think that made him (legit enough) think I didn't know how to swim and I clarified this was intermediate level stuff like swimming a mile and that I could swim but I have no idea if he is worried about this or not. I didn't think I had shown any particular signs of being nervous in the water qua water but who knows, and to be fair he had never questioned this (beyond me clearing my eyes too much, which I haven't mostly stopped doing) before.
I am not looking forward to tomorrow. But I am close enough to the end I don't want to rock the boat too much and will maybe just try to not let him get to me but I suspect he is going to get ragty when I continue to not follow his instructions because I am just trying to avoid getting bollocks and it all half formed intuition.
I had a white coffee at cafe m-whatsit and tried to mull things over. Two nice little kittens and one was very friendly and even came up on lap and sat there and I had to regretfully eject it. Did make me feel a bit better.
Getting pretty sick of what seems it ought to be a fun challenge turn into what feels like a constant moral beating.
While it was generally sucky there was maybe a hint of slow progress, I did maybe ride 5m before falling off albeit with instructor helping me nount and I am confused as fuck about what I am supposed to so and don't really feel I can ask questions any more. I don't know if I will try to speak to instructor tonorrow or just grind it out and try to mysteriously have a positive attitude.
I am at playa mangos. We came over in the back of a oickuo truck. Didn't speak to anyone and felt a bit shit though to be fair except for a possibly Australian guy talking to two Essex girls who seem to be his friends, no one else was chatting either. I felt generally awkward and a bit shit got a beer here and some guy sitting on his own at a fairly big table (a general tourist not someone from our group) let me sit at the other end.
I have no sunblock on and am hoping my face isn't going to get burned. I also went out in red t shirt today and my own fault stupidly probably for some burn on arms from walking round post lesson. I did toy with going back to dorm to change it but I was already a bit tight for time ans the under best locker has a hinged up door and the lock ispoaition right under the ladder so you have to kneel on the floor and risk smashing your head on the ladder when you lift it and I decided to just run with the red t shirt. Not a huge deal.
After much dithering and looking at booking I decided that as raindance is only booked up tonight, I have booked back in sun and Mon night. I couldn't get tueada night and obviously not Wednesday. I have booked in qt Maria's as a wildcard gamble with a private single for tomorrow night and will probably walk over to pizza at zopilote and if I happen to chat to anyone that is a minor miracle but otherwise just have a pizza and try to enjoy the fire show and not get worked up about it.
I booked back in at raindance as it is probably a better fit for me (not a good fit - I am old - but a better fit, I am far more "party and beers" than I am "eco-activist new age hippie") and has structured activities (eg I will do the free casino night tonight at 8, and incidentally despite wit being three days in a row I will likely have a pizza tonight when we get back, I had breakfast at santa Cruz as usual by the way) which just might lead to some connection and if not offer minimal social interaction in themselves. I did post on hostelworld chat saying I was solo travelling and asking if anyone wanted a chat or a beer, no response but it was a low stakes experiment and that is after all what the chat is for.
Changing hostel tonorrow and the day after will suck but to be fair they are all close together and raindance will almost certainly guard my bag both days even if Maria's won't.
Quite apart from the psychological issues with the kitsurfing, I have to draw it to a close soonish. I don't have unlimited money or time and I want to get back to the mainland and try some hostels where I may be in with a chance of some chat and I dont want to be absolutely haring it back to san Salvador with no time to do anything en route. I don't know how this will work, I don't have a solid end date, even if things go amazingly from now on I need to stop at some point. I guess having a hostel booked up to and including mlnday nkght semi says that Monday being last lesson is the default position, but if I feel an extra lesson or two might give a better finishing place even if it is feeling shit I may push it further. As noted before beyond la union volcano and maybe a second crack at volcano boarding are more or less the only specific places/things I want to do, it is more about playing it by ear and trying to relax and enjoying free time (which I haven't had in a semi -good way due to surf lessons, much as when I have had daily Spanish lessons) and experimenting with hostel socialising and just touristing it up.
I don't have to make any decisions on this yet. I can likely leave without too much stress at half a days notice and so I can now just see how things go with the surfing and try to make a decision more Sunday/Monday.
Dorm at Maria's might have been more social but I figured fuck it, get the private, it is cheap. And I don't know if the comedor turns into a pure guests only common space once it shuts to the public at 1930ish and if for that one day I have nowhere good to hang around for the day not end of world, it is a hit like zop but different where there is a nice terrace to hang out on solo but you can't take a coke in and it is so far from town it isn't just a drop in.
I didn't hanf around at the hostel as much as I planned today but that was 10% surfing thoughts and 90% trying to decide how to deal with not being able to extend. I will probably try to hang out there (for facilities/relaxation, not particularly socially) on my next stay.
It does feel like here on Ometepe here are no mid size hostels with a handful of two of people where you night get xasual chat. It is all almost dead stuff like eg Santa Cruz or big places Raindance and Zop which both have their own mismatches for a solo (and honestly sucky as it is it doesn't feel like being 25 would make much difference). Band because of my choice to surf, I don't want to stray too far away so my choices are limited.
I am not just faking it to say that I am trying to focus - albeit the psychodrama round surfing plus trying to decide on accom plans have intervened today - on enjoying what is good and not getting worked up about a social drought which is probably largely not my fault, not actually a life or trip ruining detail if not exaggerated or catastrophised and which merits a bit of casual mental attention to look for mixro opportunities I might otherwise fail to take but should otherwise just be ignores and left to resolve itself or not resolve and fuck it either way.
There is a platform (I think the water is 2m deep there according to a sign) you can swim out to but most people aren't swimming, I didn't bring trunks, it would be a bit faffy with this short visit (albeit I could have done it), kind of cool but nothing I didn't do at apoyo and it isn't as if I didn't spend two hours this morning falling into the lake already.
Also a water swing which looks vaguely fun but I would probably never get near and not a major regret either.
Beer here is not cheap at 70 but cheaper than hostel (80) and I had a tona on beach with some spicy chiccharon after coffee at M-whats so this isn't a not drinking day and I will probably have a second beer. Mildly pleased with myself for asking this bloke if I could sit at his table.
1805 not a bad sunset. Brain churning and ruminating a bit.
Fwiw the group I came out with is very heavily dominated by young women, which maybe fives me some excuse for not trying to chat. Might have been like two or three blokes including me and a dozen women or something.
1852 actually joined in chat a bit on way back, oddly enough. Not super matey but not bad. Fwiw the woman I spoke to in dorm last night is actually Italian, from Naples.
Have ordered a pizza (I am at least having gallo pinto so not living entirely off pizza). Will probably do the free casino night at 8 or 830 and depending how that goes aemi early bight. Need to change hostel tomorrow and lesson is at 9 (I had asked for it to be a smidge later but only if it didn't compromise on wind etc).
Fwiw I don't know why but apparently the b-whatsot hostel volcano boarding on leon is far more of a party on tuesday and Saturday iirc. Not sure I want this but someone was saying it on the drive back. (If I so do it, maybe party but also maybe quetzal trekkers as you get two descents and I did already do the parry bus. But we will see.)
2022 no sign of casino night yet. Feel a bit tired. Not down as such but nevertheless slightly lonely. There is an oldish couple here btw. Bit edgy about fucking lesson.
Lyomg on a cushioned sofa-ish thing. My left buttock (not quite) hurts from a bashing impact falling backwards off board this morning btw.
2039 yawning. Tbh I may go to bed at 9 yes there night be minimal social opp with casino night to follow up on minimal chat earlier but not over optimistic and tbh it may not happen at all. Supposed to be free punch.
I think some woman just got a curry. I should check out the menu (albeit I suspect it is expensive) when I come back instead of just going for the pizza or going out.
2117 not mega hacked off except about lesson. But I am tired, I don't expect huge social gains from casino night if it does happen (and I was told 8 or 830, forget which) and I am not too worked up about a free glass of punch. I am going to bed. It was an early start and given hostel switch even with a 9 lesson it is still an earlyish start.
Yeah, this isn't pique with the hostel to be clear. I am just tired and I am not sure it is happening and I am sitting here on my own and my upper left buttock hurts and I had a few beers over the afternoon/evening and an early start and I am going to bed.
2138 in bed.
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