Quetzaltenango, Tuesday

0010 Should be going to sleep. But one thing I miss from UK is sleeping under a simple quilt. Here it's layers of sheets and blankets. I *am* sleeping well on the whole, but I do find it hard to keep the bed 'intact' if it isn't professionally remade, and I don't like the way one of the layers inevitably ends up dangling on the floor.

1920 School not too bad, perhaps because we mostly did grammar. Teacher seems to be saying I'm working well but I mostly put this down as polite fluff. However, I do feel I am making slow progress.

He told me that there are virtually no mosquitos here due to the cold. It turns out Quetzaltenango is also the name of the departamento, which includes places much lower and hotter where they *are* an issue, which would explain the technical looking report on increase in malaria cases in Quetzaltenango I saw on the web. Since it's all probabilistic anyway (you can get bitten if you use repellent but aren't drenched in it, and one bite *could* give you malaria) I am going to stop using it and see how it goes; I am very much inclined to believe him on this. Shame I've been wasting it (though only on head, neck and ankles as I've been wearing fleece all the time) since I got here. May try to buy some more here anyway ready for when I leave but didn't bother this afternoon. If it's a niche product here I feel that makes it even less likely I can get the picaridin (sp? from memory, has other names too) non-DEET non-homeopathic stuff here.

Teacher I met on Friday night spoke to me in the break; he told me some of his family are seventh day adventists and they don't use stimulants like tea and coffee (but 'natural' teas are OK...) or eat meat. (He doesn't follow this; I did wonder if I should politely query why he had been drinking beer on Friday, but didn't. He said he was a Marxist...)

Came back to flat and had four hot dogs, finishing the supply bought on Sunday. Went out for a walk around (part of) the exterior of the large cemetery - very colourful with little house-looking things (the impression I got was almost dog kennel size, not full tombs) and crosses of various colours on the high bit at the west end when viewed from the next road along - and then I walked along the exterior wall to El Calvario where I had passed yday without realising and went in and walked round. Didn't take photos inside or outside as seemed a bit disrespectful. Some biggish tombs, one or two very impressive, others more like pigeonholes. Not too dissimilar to the fancy cemetery in Buenos Aires (Recoleta?) but more colourful and no cats. Bit run down in general but not excessively so. Huge numbers of flower stalls outside, presumably for people to put on tombs.

Vague recollection of reading cemetery in Antigua wasn't safe made me a bit edgy but didn't feel at risk from people; although the odd area could be deserted there were a lot of people about. (The cemetery is pretty big.) What did make me nervous was the first group of stray dogs big enough to make me reach for the word 'pack' I have seen in Guatemala. I bravely walked past and although there was some barking behind me (no idea if related or not) nothing happened, and that was the only such incident. This was at something like 3pm so broad daylight.

Came back, did homework. I dithered about going out tonight. Outdated but probably representative Xelawho guide (cover feature is on World Cup) my teacher gave me implies most live music is on Wed or later. If that guide is to be believed there might be a quiz night at K&Q tonight but I've decided not to chance that; I will probably chance the quiz night at El Shamrock Thursday (depending on what/if I get told/overhear during this trip on Thursday, if it is on - I haven't been asked to pay yet, will ask tomorrow). What I am going to do in 30-60 mins is pop round the corner to the nice-ish looking little bar next to the Q'nais restaurant, sit at the bar if possible and have a couple of beers. If I am able to strike up a conversation great, if not at least I ventured out. It's not ideal to be drinking tonight but unless I meet someone I think I will keep it to two or three presumably 330ml-ish bottles so not all that excessive.

(It's not the main reason, but I'd rather try out the walk back here late-ish at night for the first time on a Thursday when probably more people are about. I don't intend to stay as late at El Shamrock this Thursday as I did last week even if I do meet people at the quiz; the dancing afterwards isn't really my bag, it's more time drinking when I could be using that alcohol allowance more enjoyably elsewhere/when and staying out til gone midnight sucks when I have class at 8am. Obviously if I feel super 'in' with people I just may do it anyway, but I'll probably make my excuses and leave by 10 or 11.)

Part of reason for avoiding K&Q (not all that rationally) is that I may go there this Sat night or perhaps the Sat after and see if any of that group from last Sat are there and I can scrape acquaintance through 'becoming more of a familiar face', so to speak.

Feel a bit edgy about going out to this bar round corner tonight. Probably irrational. Maybe combination of going out after dark (but it's like a minute or two's walk) and social shit, but it's not AFAICS some tremendously imposing cantina, it looks sort of comfortable but not fancy from what little I saw from the street, and unless there's football on (I have no idea, probably not, but did hear someone mention El Clasico other day and for all I know that's on tonight) it will probably be mostly or completely empty. It's really not a big deal, it's just a small low stake experiment with the local night life instead of sitting in flat.

I feel relatively OK in general, though I was bitching to myself about the cold room (when naked and wet; it's at worst mildly cool "keep fleece on indoors" otherwise, although there was condensation on inside of balcony door this morning and FWIW the bed seems to have about three blankets on) and the perpetually damp towel after showering just now. (The shower has to be turned on and off electrically while water is flowing; I forgot last night but remember before going to sleep and fortunately it still worked today. This plus incredibly slippery tiled floors and the Mexican arm-breaking incident means no way am I showering after even a couple of beers. Not *ideal* to be showering now instead of after beers but it's the best I can do. Also no way I am showering in the morning when I have to be at school for 8 and it's cold; getting up on time as it is is a minor act of heroism :-) )

2020 Been milling around for five minutes or so waiting to head out. I should just fucking go. So I will...

2025 Here. Place is La Liga. Sitting at bar with a small draught dark beer. Two guys at a table, otherwise just me and 2-3 staff. Only Q10 for beer so not too bad. Writing this on phone is obviously not super social but this feels dead enough I doubt it's really making a difference. Will sit here, read and attempt to just chill and if anyone else is alone and comes over for a beer at the bar here I may talk to them. Few more people coming in now. I work on the assumption that it is semi-universal that sitting at the bar alone looks a) alcoholic ;-) b) invites conversation. Feels OK here though.

Oh, I don't know if they do it here, but various places do offer micheladas at an extra Q10 a glass. This feels moderately extortionate and I don't like to try one when out with other people, but at least one quiet afternoon I should find a bar and have a michelada or two - I've probably not had one since Z's 40th. (I also wonder how well the cheaper local beers work as micheladas. But if it's a quiet afternoon I can ask the bartender for recommendations.)

2037 Occurs to me while the thing is falling apart and I might lose it, I could have brought my paperback book to read here and been a bit less the guy fiddling with his phone. But that's hardly an odd thing these days, and this way I can at least read what I want (from the online library). I already finished the paperback two or three days into the trip.

Geeking out, using the known length of my right middle finger to measure, the glass's beer holding region is about 10cm deep and 8cm diameter. So - mental arithmetic here - I estimate its volume as 480cm^3 - so it's *probably* a half litre, although I have a vague feeling Guatemala uses US standard sizes for bar glasses despite being generally metric. I don't know though; maybe references to 12oz and 16oz beers I *think* I have seen in some bars is something they do in bars aimed primarily at tourists, who are presumably primarily from the US. Might ask teacher tomorrow. (Gut feeling is I have over-estimated the diameter a bit, but since I assumed pi=3 that would compensate a bit. I guess this shows that knowing the length of some *other* fingers would be helpful, then I could avoid the need to estimate what proportion of my middle finger is the diameter.)

2046 Good job I'm not trying to appear cool and leave my phone alone. Still only me at bar anyway. Anyway, when I ordered this draught beer they did offer me choice of (if I heard correctly) a litre or a glass, which would perhaps suggest they are using metric and this is a half litre. Maybe they offered litre or a half, but I don't know.

The glass doesn't really look big enough to be nearly a pint, but maybe it's deceptive - I know estimating volume of a glass can be tricky.

2109 Second beer. Quite a bit busier than when I came in but not packed, still just me at bar. Will assume the beer is Gallo oscura. It doesn't seem like a bad beer to me; I've never claimed to have great taste, but seems to have some taste to it. Possibly the 'clear' (clara; what is the right English word? "light" would seem obvious by contrast with dark but that seems to have other connotations of low alcohol or whatever) more lagery version is a bit flavourless,  but not drunk enough of it to say that confidently. They did offer me a mixta when I ordered which I will guess is half and half; might try that some other time.

2117 Juan Gabriel "El Noa Noa" playing. First song I've recognised, can't help smiling. Feels quite a bit older than music playing before.

I'm probably influenced by something I read in that copy of Xelawho (which has that annoyingly pert - is that the word I want? - and slightly smug tone you'd - well, I'd - expect of a publication evidently aimed at foreign medium-to-long-term visitors) but Moza does have a metallic taste (while being on the whole fine), which this doesn't seem to have.

2135 Coldplay "Yellow". Not one of my favourite songs, but OK. First English language song have heard. Need a piss - surprisingly so, even if this is 5% as probably is, had about two pints - but feel pretty comfortable. May have one or two more (probably just one, but not going to beat myself up) even though suspect chat ops are limited. Probably be better to come at a busier time, but it's also about what I'll call " face time" even though I hate the phrase, i.e. familiarity, to some extent. Especially if I extend at this flat for a week will prob come back here again.

2155 While I'm having a drink and I've decided nothing I've written would ever let this turn up for her in even the most paranoid web search and TBH I'm not saying anything that bad: the American woman who seemed cool and educated and interesting who was on the pub quiz team last Sunday went off on a couple of moderately epic rants about Trump and how a friend of hers *dared* to call himself a nationalist (which was - because we all know words have fixed meanings handed down by God - *not* a reasonable word to use, it means fascist or something like that) and how the letter bomb shit recently was obviously a massive fake news thing (I am making this up to give the flavour now, I didn't follow the precise details) so she felt it was her duty to make up some opposing fake news and spread that around - I mean, FFS, when I am foolish enough to dip into Twitter or read the fucking UK press the world feels polarised but this was practically a level above it. Maybe I'm being unfair. Maybe (some people in?) the US really is wound up a notch tighter.

(FWIW I'm guessing she was in her mid-late 50s; she had apparently hung around with Grandmaster Flash when she was younger! A bit. Like I said, she seemed very cool and interesting.)

Beer glass has been kept in fridge, was frosted til I took pause to right this. Different shape though.

2208 Quieting down, just one big table behind me. Hombres G "Si no te tengo a ti" . Have 2/3 of this beer left, while I may change my mind I think this will be last for tonight. No point burning through my alcohol allowance (I'm already overdrawn anyway, I think) needlessly. Group behind me also seems to be departing in chunks.

My teacher said the other day he knew of (liked?) Hombres G but didn't listen to them a lot (I could say same about The Smiths, lately) but mainly among 30+ people. (He is 33 I think.)

2214 Probably stating the obvious but I feel there's a mixed feeling (can't express myself properly) to when is a good time to meet people at the bar. On one hand the busier it is the more people. On the other, if it's absolutely bustling it's much less intimate and harder to get into a chat. Still, mix the two strategies I guess. If I don't feel I have pressing alternatives I might come down here Fri or Sat night, perhaps leaving to go elsewhere if nothing seems to be happening. One guy not happy with any of the music they're playing. Not an obnoxious drunk but a bit stroppy AFAICunderstand.

2224 Back home. Rather enjoyed that. And while of course I am drinking too much and deserve to die an early death and to worry ceaselessly until that day about my impending early death, by order of the NHS, having three (probably) half litres and then coming home feels pretty responsible. Although it probably isn't. Who am I to judge what's responsible? I think three pints is deemed binge drinking, or maybe it's more than three. But fuck 'em anyway.

2304 Bed. Don't feel particularly tired (or drunk) but it's a smidge chilly and I'm not not-tired, so I might as well read in bed until I drop off rather than sitting at kitchen table doing the same - it's not like I have a laptop, so I'm staring at the same screen anyway.

Quetzaltenango, Monday

1420 In restaurant near flat getting half chicken (Q40) and a Q5 tamarind juice. Bit expensive but meh.

School OK but feel strangely off-balance. Have agreed to go on some day trip leaving 6am Thursday costing Q150 to a kite festival which occurs once a year some 3h away. Thu is day of the dead or similar so no classes, even though we pay the same for the week's lessons. This feels out of order, but nothing to to be done about it. I probably wouldn't have tipped my teacher anyway given he said I shouldn't tip people in restaurants and his family is expensive, but since I'm paying the school - and I hope him, indirectly, rather tahn the school trousering the money - for a day of classes I'm not actually receiving I'll mentally also set that aside as a pseudo tip.

Plan for this afternoon is just to wander down towards El Calvario/cemetery for an hour or so for exercise and to generally sightsee, then will have quiet evening in and do homework.

I may have punctuation in wrong place but think this place is called Q'Nais. Food pretty good, feel quite stuffed. Still a bit off-balance.

1712 Washed fleece. Massive effort required rinsing the thing maybe 7 times, water still seemed a bit dirty even then. Still, the sink here is rock solid so I can use both hands, and it's all exercise... It's drying on the balcony now, zipped round the chair just in case the wind gets up.

I asked my teacher about washing dishes with tap water, I don't *think* I persuaded him to tell me what I wanted to hear but he seemed to come down on the side of "it's OK if they dry thoroughly" and "(cheap) restaurants will be doing exactly that".

He also thought the people at K&Q on Saturday night might have been "interested" to talk to me but were reluctant to intrude, though ultimately who knows.

Apparently there are three Salon Tecuns, one of which is just round the corner from the one on Pasaje Enriquez, is bigger and also has live music.

1738 Just been out on balcony and took a load of photos of quite impressively orangey sunset over mountains view. Whether I'll ever get to play with them and perhaps merge a few together as "HDR" and/or panoramas I don't know. But a pretty cool view all the same. Going to go stare at it camera-less for a bit...

(Took some more photos earlier when it was sunnier and brigher. Will probably take billions over week I'm here and hope I get one or two good ones by chance... ;-) )

Someone is playing a brass instrument badly/practising somewhere off in the distance, and has been for a while. Strangely atmospheric.

1752 Having had *quick* poke on web for language exchange here, it looks like Duolingo had some group events here in September but noting since. There are websites which purport to pair you up for a one-on-one meeting with people to exchange languages; that might be good but might also be a bit awkward - I am not sure, need to mull it over.

2345 Pissed night away making myself feel shit reading crap on (mostly) Twitter. You fuckwit Steve. Did homework very late and not as well as could have done. Oh well. Just had shower. Managed to turn it off OK. Really hate showering in Guatemala; water always a trickle and never that hot, and at least at this time of year where I've been it always feels just that bit cold in the room after you get out of the shower all wet. Not an enormous thing but a persistent small psychological drag. Obviously I'm not in the sunniest frame of mind right now (but I'm not on the verge of slitting my wrists either), but I have felt this about showering a lot. Just drying off a bit before getting into bed.

While it's ultimately my fault, I think continual raising of political stuff in conversation with my teacher contributed to Twitter reading binge. Meh. It's all good practice at dealing with this shit.

I do incidentally feel a bit inhibited speaking Spanish outside class as every lesson it seems I learn something I've been saying is either wrong or slightly rude or both. I guess in a way this is good but it's making me even more hyper-conscious of what I'm saying which as I say is inhibiting. Meh squared.

Fleece not quite dry yet but I think it will be wearable tomorrow at a push.

I think I am feeling a bit lonely but as always I am not doing all I could to overcome this so I can hardly complain. On the other hand, I am not entirely sure what I even *want* - if I could snap my fingers and my social life would organise itself magically exactly as I wished, what would it look like? I have no idea. I'm not allowed to drink beer more than one or two evenings a week, do I really want to sit around drinking coffee in the evening with whoever? I'm normally quite happy spending time on my own, maybe because in London it's just that bit more comfortable sitting around at home with my computer with nice big monitor and my books and my armchair etc. Perhaps it's more that I don't know where my next social interaction is coming from - if I felt I could reliably predict social events, even if they were only once or twice a week, that might well make all the difference. Meh cubed. It's late and I've had a mildly shitty evening and probably not in best frame of mind to address this. Just feels like I "should" be having more fun, even though I'm not quite sure what that would look like.

(For example, I am far from clear I would recognise any other students if I turned up to the pub quiz on Thursday at El Shamrock, and given the way most of them turned up in a big group last week I would arguably wonder if I'd be intruding on them - would be different if they drifted in a few at a time and/or I actually knew some of them.)

Quetzaltenango, Sunday

1717 Rather a mixed day.

Woke up about 10ish - I deliberately didn't check the time - and got up after snoozing a bit on 11am alarm. I needed to be packed and checked out by 12 and - perhaps in part why I was reluctant to get up - I also needed to resolve checkin for the new apartment.

The booking.com e-mail said I had to contact the property by phone or via e-mail throug their site to arrange checkin. I e-mailed yesterday via their site and had no response. This morning after getting up and while packing I made two attempts to call via Skype (using it to call a normal number, which costs a tiny amount of real money - using my phone directly would have cost too much even if it worked, as I am treated as being in the UK so it would be an international call) but it just rang without any answer, even after 3 mins. So I sent another e-mail via booking.com to say I'd. be there about 1230 and had to set off and just hope.

I'd been dithering about leaving my bag at the old hotel or taking it with me - trading off risk of loss vs having to lug it over to the new apartment only to end up lugging it around all afternoon as I tried to sort out alternate accommodation if I still couldn't get in touch with the apartment owners. Anyway, although the checkout was linguistically surprisingly awkward, the guy at the desk virtually offered to hold my bag and I made the snap decision to take him up on it. As it turned out this wasn't necessary, but I still feel in hindsight it was the best choice at the time.

I waited outside the metal door (no bell) which had the right number painted on the wall next to it. I got there about 1215 I think. Seemed very hot. Almost immediately (I was stood reading a book on phone) a guy came over and introduced himself. No mention of not replying to my messages, but anyway. He led me a couple of doors down the street to another metal gate which had the same number painted next to it. (!?)

He took me in and showed me round. Slightly stilted conversation in Spanish but hey, it's all practice. Turns out this apartment block is on a sort of private street hidden behind the metal door on the public street and it is (overly grandiose term) the campus of one of the Spanish schools here, which the guy (presumably) owns.

The private street is very nice, I saw a cat earlier (it wouldn't come to me; I didn't try that hard). Apartment is on top floor so nice views from the balcony (the guy didn't show me, but there is a terrace on the floor above, though so far I have only peeked through the bolted door and not set foot on it). There's a water filtering machine on the ground floor in the hall, which I have used once or twice and guess I have to trust.

Building is in pretty nice condition on the whole. There is a huge metal/plastic model of an ant stuck to the wall on one part of the staircase near the ceiling; the first time I noticed it was out of the corner of my eye and it gave me a bit of a turn as I thought it might be a spider. (I think it is way too big for that to have been really the case, but corner of eye and all that.)

Apartment is a bit spartan in some ways but quite nice on the whole. I had a shower not long after trogging back from the other hotel with my bag and I had terrible trouble turning the water off; you seem to have to hit a tiny sweet spot on the shower tap, rather than it having a hard 'stop' like most taps. One of the kitchen light bulbs is dead but not a big deal. The owner left me a mostly full bag of coffee for the coffee machine, which was a nice little touch, and a fresh roll of toilet paper but that's all. No towels, no dishwashing soap, no bin bags.

I went out with the intention of having food in a restaurant and then buying some stuff (e.g. a big bottle of diet coke to take advantage of having a fridge) and coming back home for a quiet evening in. (I still need to do my homework, and ideally review some of last week's stuff.) The restaurant bit didn't happen; there looks like quite a nice cheap and cheerful restaurant just on the corner (I had seen it on previous walks too) offering quarter chicken and chips for Q25 and since they also advertised whole chicken at Q55-ish I have hopes they may do a half chicken. However I shoved my head in and there were no free tables, so I left it today. Most of the little comedor type places seemed to be shut and the ones which were open correspondingly busy.

I did eventually find one of the supermarkets shown on Google Maps (hiding in a fairly smart shopping centre with a passage-type entrance; I expected it to be directly on the street) and wandered round for a while. Feeling some temptation to cook for myself while not wanting to get too involved (either in terms of washing up - I am far from clear how cleaning works here, more rambling on this later), I spotted some burger buns and that made me wonder if I could buy frankfurters, hot dog buns and mustard and eat myself sick for once. Turns out I could. :-) The mustard (Ana Belly) is not a patch on Colman's and I've a sneaking suspicion it's a bit vinegary (it contains aceitic acid) which I am trying to ignore, the sausages are enormous but are chicken not pork, but still, I had four (microwaved with a plate on top, for minimal mess-creation) and do feel stuffed. I still have 6 sausages and 6 buns left.

I also bought a load of junk food, partly out of some idea of having a Sunday-evening treat, but not sure that was smart. Got a three litre bottle of H2Oh sugar-free orange sparkling drink, I couldn't see any big bottles of sugar-free cola - sugar-free appears not to be a big thing here. Total shop was Q80.3, when I got home I then had to pop out again to another mini supermarket to get washing up liquid and a sponge (about Q12). Mustard was Q6.2, buns Q11.80, sausages Q24.4 for a total of Q42.4; that's relatively economical (if not healthy) considering there's probably 2.5 substantial meals there. Plus it's a novelty to be able to eat 'as much as I want' in my own private space.

I still don't have the wifi password, owner didn't know it, said he'd e-mail it (we exchanged addresses and he sent me a test e-mail) within half an hour but didn't. I sent him a polite reminder an hour or so ago and he has replied apologising but still no password.

There's a three page A4 printout in Spanish showing the rules. I have skimmed them. They clearly don't apply precisely because they say the minimum booking is either 1 month or 3 months (it appears contradictory but I haven't saw down and double checked the Spanish with a dictionary) and I'm booked in for a week. It seems to imply (again I am assuming this doesn't apply to me) the guest has to pay the electricity bill (though lots of unknown vocab there and I didn't use dictionary). Cleaning is according to that weekly and costs Q25. (Does this mean the dirty toilet paper has to accumulate in the bathroom bin for a week? Good job I don't have a really sensitive nose...)

I am far from clear if I am likely to be able to extend here. My gut feeling is this is normally school student accommodation but as it's low season they've decided to put it on booking.com for short term occupation.

I don't know for sure if I want to extend. Supposing I can for a week at a time, I would expect the apartment to be cleaned for free each week, since they'd have to do that if a new guest was coming in. Or would they try to stiff me for a cleaning fee when I leave? This isn't actually a huge deal, Q25 a week is mostly negligible.

Ignoring some of these niggles, I would probably stay here indefinitely if I could, *provided* the distance from the school doesn't bother me and (more likely) provided I am not too scared to walk home at say 1am here. (There appear to be very few taxis on the street, even if they are safe. Something I realised the other day is that there don't seem to be any tuktuks here, unlike Antigua and Panajachel.) It's not really remote but you never know. I won't know how I feel until I try it, which is most likely to be after pub quiz Thursday. By that point it may be too late to extend here - not that I know if I could do it now, actually. May check.

Obviously other better apartments might be available and I could call some, but *if* no major drawbacks emerge this does feel OK on the whole and I'd rather settle down than apartment hop every week. If nothing else by the time I'd got everthing sorted and settled in here, I didn't really feel I had the time or inclination to trog over and up to that park. If I change accommodation every weekend that is going to keep happening. (Plus once I've had another week or two or maybe three to acclimatise, I want to do some hikes at the weekend if possible.)

I do feel a little bit lonely. I think this is slightly irrational, at least viewed from an accomodation point of view; all the other guests at the hotel were Spanish speakers, I never met any of them and the noises coming through the walls were more mildly annoying than comforting. Looking at my social life in general, while I don't feel I have an automatic bunch of 'friends' from school (a downside of individual tuition, I guess, though I'm sure it's vastly superior for learning - I do also sort of feel there is actually a group of more social students with 2-7 classes, but I may be wrong), I have been out with people a couple of times (even if one was by chance) which really isn't bad for only the first week, and as waffled other day there is lots of other stuff I can do to meet people. I think it's perhaps just being in this slightly echoey and unfamiliar apartment on a Sunday night.

Yes, I could try moving into a hostel. But I think I'd rather try other things first, and TBH I am not so sure I'd be able to meet people in a hostel anyway.

The  bedroom walls are a bit dirty but nothing terrible. There's no sofa, but at least I have a biggish kitchen table and dining chairs I can sit on, which is still an improvement over sitting on the bed and it taking up most of the floor space. (To be fair there was one dining-ish chair in hotel room last week, but it was in corner without much room to move it and it didn't feel all that relaxed sitting on it staring at my phone in my hand.)

Night views over city (looking west, not towards the centre) are very nice though. I am practically next to the brewery. :-) The owner pointed it out from the balcony, also the big white Mormon temple on the hill and a nearby commercial centre and 10-screen cinema.

I did notice a nice-ish little bar next to that restaurant I couldn't get into earlier. I do want to try to not drink too much during the week, but I may pop in for a quiet pint mid-week on the offchance of striking up a conversation with either a local or maybe a student from one of the nearby schools.

I think I already said but I'm paying Q603 (including Q1 tax!) for a week here. That is really very affordable; a bit like when I was paying eight pounds a night in Delhi (only more so, as I do feel a bit more at home here), this really does make me think about the possibility of spending extended periods of time here in part as a way of cutting spending - renting somewhere in London, albeit perhaps something a smidge nicer, would probably run at the very least £250 (Q2500) a week, probably singificantly more. Savings would go a lot further living out here, in other words. (I mean, you could even whack Q900 a week for Spanish lessons to top and you're still £100 a week better off than being in London.)

FWIW I just checked booking.com and currently this apartment (or another in the same block; I am guessing they are all owned by the school) *is* available from next Sunday for a week at the same price.

Worth observing that it's also very nice to be able to drink *chilled* water more-or-less ad lib. I think the cooking facilities (given the cleaning hassle) are maybe not that much use in practice - nice though it was to be able to microwave those hot dogs, and maybe if I had booked in for 3+ weeks I'd feel more comfortable buying cooking oil and spices and so on - but having a fridge really is a big comfort boost, despite the fact it's not generally excessively hot here (it was hot when I was trogging back and forth between here and other hotel, but it got cloudy by the time I was visiting supermarket). Drinking room-temperature water is so "meh, gotta keep hydrated" whereas I am more likely to actually enjoy chilled water. Sure, I can get by without it, but I'm just saying it's nice.

Don't really feel in mood to study. Will force myself in maybe an hour.

There's a biggish water container with a spout in the kitchen; evidently the idea is you can take it down to the machine and fill it. I would like to do this but it had a bit of water in the bottom and I'm concerned maybe someone has filled it with tap water. I've tipped the water out and am going to leave it to dry by evaporation, which I hope will render it sufficiently sterile to use (though probably it was clean anyway). I am not 100% sure about this but after all tap water has to be used for washing and rinsing plates, drinking vessels, etc so if the relevant nasties in the water can survive drying out surely you're fucked anyway, as you're going to consume them when you eat off the plates or drink out of the cups.

1824 I think I've lost one of the plastic water bottles I'd accumulated; it was the one I'd brought out with me from home. It was only a (albeit relatively sturdy) disposable bottle, but this bugs me slightly as I don't want to be *losing* stuff by accident.

I'd quite like another coffee but the pot still has tapwater drops in.

1832 OK, struggled to find a definitive answer re washing/rinsing dishes in non-drinkable tap water - of course some people/sources are going to be extremely conservative on this. Some bacteria - lots, in fact - apparently can survive being dry (especially for a day or two). However, other people report practical experiences with having rinsed dishes in (Mexican) water they wouldn't drink with no problems. I may ask my teacher about this tomorrow. To be honest I'd be *astounded* if most of the places I've been eating in for the last three weeks (is it really three weeks? I haven't counted properly) are rinsing the dishes with anything other than tap water. I suppose it's possible they are at least using heated, maybe even boiled, tap water, but I'm not so sure. It hasn't been an issue until now as I had no real control, it's just that now I need to avoid doing stuff in my own kitchen which will fuck me over.

2033 Intermittently doing homework and reading book on phone and snacking (despite eating 4 big hotdogs earlier). Have just realised the other light in kitchen *does* work, if you operate it from the second set of light switches - it's just one of the light switches in the set near the entry door apparently has no effect, whether deliberately or because it's broken.

It is very echoey, whenever I bitch out loud about anything it sounds really freaking loud.

2114 FFS, the rules (which I am assuming mostly don't apply as I came via booking.com) say you have to wash the bedsheets when you leave. If not they will take Q50 off your deposit. Well, fuck it, I'll just see if they try to charge me Q50 when I leave and if I have to pay it no big deal. I haven't had to pay a deposit anyway. OTOH this does kind of suggest there is essentially no "service" here and that if I do stay for n weeks I am going to have to wash the sheets myself. There is no washing machine so that means lugging them to the laundry (there is admittedly one across the road) and - I guess - hoping they can do same day service because there are no spare sheets. I don't know what to make of this, from the POV of maybe staying longer. I wouldn't necessarily expect this service for free at this price (though it has been the case when I've stayed in "apartments" elsewhere) but it's not particularly obvious I can pay x amount to have the sheets replaced/washed by someone. (They do offer cleaning services, thought that Q25 is a bit misleading as there's a separate Q50 for other types of cleaning.) Then again, as I observed earlier, if I'm renting through booking.com I feel I should get at the very least a freshly cleaned flat and new sheets every week, because they'd have to do that if I were a different guest every week. Then again, maybe their attitude would be that every week's guest would have to wash the sheets before they leave.

I *might* ask about this in a couple of days time, but TBH the owner seems extremely uncommunicative via e-mail or phone judging from earlier experiences. (I still don't have the wifi password, just the last e-mail saying "Perdón").

OK, I *just* saw a message timestamped 1852 from owner asking if I've received the password yet. Doesn't he know if he's sent it or not? I replied saying no anyway, a shame I didn't see his message earlier but I guess with background data switched off to conserve data allowance on the SIM Gmail app is not checking regularly or at all in the background.

2129 Credit where it's due, owner just came round and handed me password in person. Not tried it yet but sure it will be OK. Told him about the shower turning off issue, he said he knows about it and I said it's fine at the moment, I was just worried it get worse. I told him so not my problem now. Didn't ask about cleaning etc, no need to stir this stuff up just yet.

2327 Moving towards bed. I observe quite a few long black hairs around the place, which sends mixed messages about cleaning. Not excessive quantities, but still.

2341 Bed.

Quetzaltenango, Saturday

1309 At PdlJ. Grilled chicken breast with soup, rice, veg and tortillas. Cool, tamarind juice offered.

Woke up about 1030 - no alarm. Stayed in bed til maybe 12ish, didn't feel too bad. Had a shower - which always feels like a massive chore - and have come out. Feel a bit lazy. Do vaguely plan to go up one of the hills in town, but my teacher said there would be a lot of people there (thus safer) on Sunday IIRC and while I suspect Saturday is the same I feel a bit paranoid. So I may just wander, perhaps head over to where apartment is so I don't get too big a shock tomorrow.

1705 Back at hotel, been here maybe half an hour. I think I found the apartment, it's just a big solid iron gate but there is a number painted on it. About 11 mins walk from there to school, which isn't ideal in terms of getting up but if it's a nice place will be worth it.

Went over to where the railway museum is supposed to be (as it's over that way); again failed to find it, but went in the deserted entrance and although I didn't go past the entrance hall I'd been in before, it looks like the big hall beyond it might well be the old station proper. Google Maps shows the museum down a sort of side street but I couldn't even see that street.

Had a wander round that part of the city (heading east along the main road until I hit 12 Avenida then turned south down there to come back to hotel). Quite bustling and busy and feels much more city-like than the relatively small town feel in the streets round the central park.

Not entirely sure what to do tonight. On the one hand I've drunk quite a lot Thursday and Friday nights and it would be good not to drink more. On the other hand, I would like to maybe scrape acquaintance with someone which kind of suggests going and having a few beers at the bar, perhaps drifting round a few places, or maybe I'll just pick one - eg King and Queen - for tonight and if nothing happens after two or three beers come home, as a kind of compromise between this and the "don't go out" option. On the third hand, I could go to one of those other live music venues and enjoy the music and of course maybe I'd bump into someone there.

The thing is that the chap (originally from Sheffield but hasn't lived in the UK for 20 years) who I bumped into by chance yesterday and who I did the pub quiz with on Thursday is leaving in the next couple of days. While I don't think we're great mates, he was at least friendly enough to come over to me last night. So if I happen to bump into him again tonight he probably wouldn't be too annoyed and might introduce me to some more people, which would be easier and quicker than the alternatives. I don't really know where or if he might be out, but in the absence of anything better El Shamrock and King and Queen (both of which were patronised by school students on Thursday; karaoke was at K&Q) seem like the best bet. I'm a bit leery of going somewhere other school students in case they'd rather not have anything to do with me and it's awkward, but I guess I shouldn't think like that. I wouldn't want to be out really late anyway as I need to be up to check out tomorrow morning.

2055 At K&Q. 20 for a Moza which is OK. Tiny place, a Spanish-speaking (presumably local) group and two American women speaking English at another table. Sat at a table instead of bar as it's such a small place and there are 3 staff behind the bar it would feel weird. May go after this beer, at least I tried. Door was locked so I actually started walking away then one of staff came and opened it. No idea if this is normal.

2136 Finished first beer. Ah, something is happening. Karaoke looks like. Will stop reading on phone and watch.

0044 Just got back to hotel. Hearing half a dozen bolts shot back as I was let in to the hotel makes me wonder If it's super fucking dangerous here.

I was actually the last customer in the bar. It was super weird. I kind of feel like apart from me everyone else there for the (impromptu? I read Thu was karaoke night) karaoke knew each other. The group gradually drifted off - at the end there were two people (one woman, gothish, fishnet tights, and one person whose sex I couldn't determine without staring more than I wanted) - but some people shook my hand and/or said goodnight as I left. I moved over to the bar and switched to draught Gallo after first 3 beers. A woman (part of a couple) sat at the bar kept looking at me but I didn't say anything.

As I walked home - streets pretty deserted - I noted Trova Rock had music coming out but door not open. K&Q didn't let some people in about midnight FWIW, even though other ppll and then me got served.

I actually had quite a good night in a strange way. I don't know exactly why people shook my hand on leaving, but it's hardly a bad-natured gesture. I did feel a bit awkward at times, like I had crashed a private party (but strictly speaking I hadn't, staff let me in and no one complained). Maybe I could have struck up a conversation but even putting aside doubts about my Spanish competency, I sort of felt I had no right to intrude on a group and if they wanted to talk they would have to make the first move. At the same time I half wonder if going back there next Sat might pay off in terms of striking up a chat.

To start with the karaoke was all Spanish and that slightly over-maudlin romantic stuff (though I did quite enjoy "todos me miran" ) but towards the end it was all slightly dark English language rock (Linkin Park, Metallica). A lot - not all - of the peoiple singing could actually sing. I didn't even try to sing - if I could only sing well I would have done, it might have been a good 'in', but in the absence of any pressure to sing I didn't inflict my caterwauling on them. Anyway, on the whole interesting.

At one point some guys performed an English language song I can't remember name of right now on guitar and drums in honour of a couple's first anniversary.

Anyway, don't feel overly drunk - I'm not, for all my net consumption is a bit iffy - but bed. No response from apartment owner (who I emailed via booking.com) re checkin tomorrow but just have to hope it's OK, and maybe will have to nerve myself to call him/her via Skype tomorrow morning before checking out.

Quetzaltenango, Friday

1641 At Tiguila for filete de pescado. Incidentally the accidental implication of the two sentences in yesterday's entry that the retired rabbi was telling me about international drug culture was not intended; that was someone else.

School OK, seem to be getting on OK with teacher and with Spanish. Signed up for another week. Need to sort out accommodation for next week but been too lazy so far.

Plan is to go to that bar with live music (alone) tonight. Teacher said it's very good and also recommended some other bars. Oh, last night's quiz was at El Shamrock. Will go back to hotel first, not staying out from now til then.

American restaurant owner I spoke to last night confirmed that it is absolutely normal here for staff to completely ignore you when you've finished eating unless you call them. (She has to stop them doing this when they go to work in her fancy restaurant in the US.)

Somehow my phone has acquired a deep scratch across the top of the screen; it's tolerable but annoying when viewing at an angle as it refracts a slightly different part of the screen. I didn't drop it, I am not aware of having done anything special to it last night, maybe it was just an accident waiting to happen with the vaseline tin in that pocket (I have now moved it to the other pocket). Looking on the bright side this will make it marginally less annoying if I end up losing it and having to buy another one.

Wasn't exactly hungover this morning but did feel very tired and it was an effort to drag myself out of bed.

1730 Lingering over coffee. Been feeling freer to use mobile data allowance lately as I see how relatively little modest web browsing uses. Just been on booking.com and booked a 1 bedroom apartment for Q603 for 7 nights. No mention of taxes but even if there is 22% on top that's not bad. I hope it's not a shithole but seemed like a worthwhile gamble. It's a bit further out (500m from central park, and probably 600-700m from the school) but I think it will be OK. I can always try somewhere else if I don't like it, and if it's truly terrible I can just write the money off and book elsewhere. I did wonder briefly if it would be less lonely to book into a hostel but it would be nice to have some real space and a kitchen and a fridge. Feels good to have got this sorted; I need to check out of current hotel Sunday morning. I did maybe allow myself to be pressured slightly by booking.com's "almost never available!" and "2 similar apartments are sold out" shit, but I did a quick bit of Googling and found three reviews (score only) ranging from 3/5 to 5/5 before booking. I suppose if it's just one apartment it will get a lower turnover of guests than a hotel and so get fewer reviews. It *does* have free wifi - lack of that would be a deal breaker - and it says there is a terrace and garden, although I suspect these are communal to the block.

I am aware that as of today the titles of these blog entries are starting to repeat but it doesn't really matter.

2039 Heading out. Feel oddly nervous, but all I'm doing is going to a bar to listen to some music. I'm not going out of my way to strike up conversation with anyone, I'm not planning on drinking a lot or staying out late. Anyway, let's go.

2056 At Salon Tecun. Sat at bar near stage, think musicians on at 9 - it's on board outside, so I may be misremembering. Got litre bottle of Cabro for Q41 (free popcorn thrown in), Dorado Ice is only Q35 for a litre but maybe it's piss so won't try it now. May read on phone while waiting, not sure - no one else sitting at bar (two women were but they've gone) anyway, and all the inside tables are busy or reserved so couldn't sit anywhere else. Feel OK really.

Oh, I think my teacher told me this morning I didn't really need to tip at all. I will probably keep doing it anyway, given Odilia seemed to think it was approppp

2202 Well that was a bit random. Guy from school/pub quiz team last night came over and invited me to join him and his teacher who were out for a beer. They just left. We spoke Spanish, I felt a bit awkward but didn't do too badly (he is much more advanced than I am). Hard to talk over the music but we went upstairs for a bit. Am back at bar now. Music was OK if not astounding so no worry I couldn't just sit and listen to it. Band is off now but I suspect they may do a second half.

Nearly finished this litre - which is 5.2% as they told me. Might have a litre of Dorada and then go home. I am thinking I might do a mini solo pub crawl tomorrow night and see if I bump into anyone.

Interrupted sentence was going to end 'appropriate'.

Spanish teacher - whose name I alas forget - said it's the same band here every week, and that"s why the locals didn't really applaud after each song. Still feels a tiny bit rude to me but FWIW.

Got litre of Doarada Ice. Tastes OK if a bit flavourless, perhaps prejudice. Sign on wall says "si bebe para olvidar pague primero gracias". I understand it but the combination of tenses seems odd compared to my recollection of stuff we've been doing in class this week; I should try to see if it does in fact agree and ask teacher if it doesn't.

2308 Band been back on for maybe half hour. They did a cover of "voy a pasarmelo bien" which made me smile. For some inexplicable reason at some point in last half hourish I thought about the ZSL friendly spider programme - I sure as fuck haven't seen a spider here - and I am toying with signing up for it after a quick at-bar web search shows it still exists, isn"t overly expensive and the actual animal interaction is optional. (Maybe it would work so well I'd want to do that bit. But current feeling is I'd do the course once without it and then perhaps go a second time to maybe do the interaction.) It isn't on in 2019 til Aprilish but I can't book until I know when/if my post-Xmas trip will be. Feel strangely excited. Hope this isn't some psychic warning of impending encounter... No idea at all why I thought of this though.

2334 Band still on. Did a cover of "te quiero" earlier. Feeling surprisingly chipper. Half thinking that I'm not going to regret not seeing Coban or Tikal or whatever on my deathbed, I can return here in a year or so and maybe it would be cool to spend most of the remaining time here studying to really give my Spanish a boost. No need to decide now, of course, just burbling. Don't feel pissed but if going out tomorrow night maybe should be sensible. Went to bog - queue for gents! - leaving my beer which I think was tecnhically foolish but felt OK. Some git nicked my seat so standing now, but no big deal. Not totally surprising but doesn't quite fit with the super polite "theme" I have read is prevalent here.

For all the fact I may be a little edgy walking home and I am obviously a bit drunk, thinking about the horrific fears I had before I came about security, they feel ridiculous.

This "street" of bars is Pasaje Enriquez, FWIW.

2341 Another Brick In The Wall Part 2 Cover. :-) In Spanish.

0018 Band just finished. I understand all bars here (except presumably illegal after hours places, which I understand exist) shut at 1 by law. I got a (small, though no idea what actual size) Moza after finished that litre of Dorada Ice. I don't say I *couldn't* try to strike up a conversation - ooh, maybe another impromptu band on - but tho don't feel really drunk, I"ve had quite a bit and I now plan to be out tomorrow so won'lt force it. But if band of some impromptu guys is going to perform I may stay out til 1 and have another Moza - that probably works out at 6ish pints, which isn't ideal but isn't terrible.

So tonight my feeling is if anyone feels cosmopoltan and wants to strike up a conversation with the white tourist guy, cool - but I'm not seeking it directly.

No, what I thought was an impromptu band is dismantling the equipment. So I will leave shortly after finishing this beer.

0034 Back at hotel. As last night - I asked at reception before going out last night - had to ring bell to get in but no problem, and for all that my Spanish sucks, doing that kind of interaction in Spanish is so much better than just being the foreigner who only speaks English as I was in eg Thailand. Yes I am drunk - thought not excessively, I feel totally rational and can type - but the idea of extending my stay here, going 'deep' instead of going for breadth, working on my Spanish etc for almost all of my remaining time is tempting. But as I said earlier, I don't need to decide now - nothing wrong with mulling it over, but ultimately it's a week by week decision. Yes, I"d like to hike round Panajachel but - I am waiting while I acclimatise to altitude - there are lots of hikes round here which I could do at the weekend or even take a day off school. Yes, I am sure Coban and Tikal are cool - but I have seen such sites in other places, it"s highly likely I'll live long enough to visit them in future (after doing ZSL FSP :-) ) and I am not going to reget not visiting them on my deathbed if I instead stayed here and "went deep". Feh. Bed.

Quetzaltenango, Thursday

1652 At Palacio de los Jugos, have asked for pollo dorado but who knows?

Another power cut last night - woke up about 3am with no power, still off when I got up (pushing it to last minute) to go to school. At least I had a battery for my torch this morning.

Classes OK if not absolutely great. We didn't do any shopping, I did hang around in the kitchen and 'help' a tiny amount but it was not really a big deal. The lunch was more involved than I expected - some of the female teachers and students got dressed up in traditional costumes and we had a bit of a talk - but it wasn't excessively awkward. I also managed to talk to a few people (perhaps doing OKish on names if not great) and I am going to an Irish bar tonight for some regular quiz night to meet some of the students. (There's a bit of a split as another pub has karaoke; I don't plan to get anywhere near drunk enough to sing so I'm going for the quiz.)

So on the whole this turned out much better than I expected. I'm not quite sure why there seemed to be so many more students and people were more talkative today than earlier in the week. Anyway, given the relatively low impact of the cooking thing after all I will stay on another week.

There might be some possibility of renting an apartment by the week; one student mentioned something she'd seen and another mentioned airbnb. I will probably check this out tomorrow afternoon.

Did homework after the lunch thing finished back at hotel and have come out to eat (Mana song playing "oye cabron" ?) then will go back to hotel before heading out to pub 7:45ish. Think people will be there 8ish and quiz 8:30 but torn between being sure I get a seat vs being there too early. I may struggle to recognise everyone at this stage.

"En el muelle de San Blas" now.

1716 Food OK, pretty decent frijoles negros (which I ate on the tortillas; no idea if this is enormously rude or not), chicken a bit tough. They didn't have rice so got chips - absolutely gutted. ;-) Papaya juice, I think. Will see if I can get them to break a 100 so I can maybe avoid having to hand one over at the bar tonight.

I tried fixing the insole in one of my shoes yesterday and it seems to have stayed put today unlike the other one, so I did the other one when I was back at the hotel earlier. I hope this works longer term; if it doesn't I hope it doesn't damage the waterproof lining when the tape gives way. I suppose it might be OK as my weight is pressing down on the tape to help hold it in place some of the time.

1802 Back at hotel. Went into supermarket and spent 7.05 on a couple of small cake bar things and a few bananas so I can snack on them when I get back tonight. Paid in coins as have accumulated a fair collection of shrapnel over the last few days, after having run out of change completely a while ago.

As long as I don't drink too much tonight should be fun. I don't think there'll be too much problem given I know I have to be up in time for class tomorrow as does everyone else.

The bar is a few blocks due north of hotel, so should be easy enough to find way there and back. Some of the people I spoke to today were a bit less reassuring about safety than I had heard until now but not excessively worried.

One of the guys I spoke to this afternoon said he wasn't using insect repellent but had managed to get a prescription for doxycycline at USD0.20 a tablet/capsule back in the US which was anti-malaria. OTOH, he said he had been asked for USD3000 (!) for rabies vaccination, so he hadn't had it.

0037 Just got. back to hostel. We got a free tequila for best team name - Skeggyfornication. But then I think every team should have got a tequila so we maybe missed out. We got two litres of beer for coming second so not sure how much I drank. I learned almost too much about international drug culture; I am both humbled and appalled.  Retired rabbi actually very inspirational in a strange way. But hey, it's all cool, I am a bit drunk but none of the extreme shit from last Sunday and it was on the whole a matey evening. Bed.

Quetzaltenango, Wednesday

1804 Back at hotel.

A much better day than yesterday - though that's a pretty low bar.

School was better today, I didn't feel quite so incompetent or put upon. We didn't go to the market today, I think that might be happening in the break tomorrow. Still not sure how I feel about my teacher, but he is at least OK - I avoided getting into a big political discussion with him - and he's not supposed to be my best mate. It's too early to say if he's a great teacher but he is at least competent. We did have an impromptu expedition to some art gallery during class time - I could have said no but I didn't - but generally it was OK.

Feeling hugely uncertain whether I should change schools or not. No point being foolishly consistent with my thoughts last night. On the other hand, I haven't experienced the cooking or lunch things - that will be tomorrow, I assume - so it kind of depends how they go.

After class came back here and did homework, went out to La Vienesa then walked over to the cultural centre in the old train station. Supposedly there's an art gallery and some museums there, including one about the train station, but I couldn't find most of them. One had a door with an 'abierto' sign but it was a Mayan textiles museum which was a lower priority so I didn't go in. The main central door of presumably the old station lead into a hallway with a big photo of the station in use, but apart from a big hall with some people faffing with chairs at the end, I couldn't see any sign of a museum and there was no one around to ask. I did also see a door round the side by some football pitches saying 'ingreso' but it looked a bit like it wasn't maybe a public place. I did go in, up a staircase and halfway up it looked like some kind of university building so I decided to turn back.

Not super impressed with my own performance there, but I might have hoped for better signage of their part. I didn't see - perhaps because I never got into the right place - any noticeboards about cultural events like music or films or language exchanges as I had vaguely hoped. I will have to look on the web to see if I can find exactly where these museums are and if anything of interest is happening.

Oh, I went into supermarket on way over to La Vienesa - my teacher said they did have batteries, near the tills - and bought a single AA alkaline for Q7.75, which seems pricey but I don't often buy batteries and especially not in shops so who knows. It was at least nice I could buy one for half the price of a pack of two.

I looked on web earlier for advice re the insoles in my shoes slipping back to the heel and "double sided foam tape" seems to be the answer. Supermarket didn't have any. On a semi-whim I went into a biggish hardware store in the slightly-grittier-than-central-part area near the cultural centre and was moderately chuffed at managing to convey to three different staff members what I wanted and buy some double-sided vaguely foamy tape. I had to buy a biggish reel for Q13 but still, if it works (and doesn't somehow destroy the waterproof lining of the shoes) it's well worth it.

Went into a small restaurant I forgot to get name of in 12 avenida on way back. Was going to have pollo dorado but they didn't have it; due to a fuckup on my part in the ensuing conversation I accidentally ordered caldo de res, but it turned out nicely - big bowl of soup with beef and vegetables floating in it and tortillas on the side. Eating chunk of corn on cob was a bit tricky with just a spoon but I manfully surmounted that obstacle. I even ate the avocado on the side of the plate - it wasn't *bad*, it just seemed a little bland and bitter. So I'm going to provisionally say that I don't actually dislike avocado, but I still don't like guacamole - I tasted a bit the other week when I was in Antigua.

Feel a bit lonely coming back to the hotel for yet another quiet night in, but I am trying to have a bit of time off the booze and will try going out and maybe get into a chat this weekend (and, if that fails, during next week too; it may even be easier to strike up a conversation if it's quieter during the week) - as I think I said the other day I'll probably try that bar with live music (probably a local-ish bar but who knows) Fri and then Sat I'll try one or two of the more touristy bars (I know there's at least one Irish bar here), perhaps taking a hint from the guide book. I could also consider moving to a hostel and probably all sorts of other things (eg language exchange; I haven't even looked on the web yet - or perhaps if I do a tour on my own initiative one afternoon or weekend); really for relatively good reasons (off the booze, trying to get school sorted) I haven't been actively making an effort to meet people lately.

I have mostly written off the school as a source of acquaintances, but if I do stick on there there may be some gradual striking up of conversations etc. I still think it's best option to be having classes 8-1 for all I don't like getting up early; even as it is, it often seems to be getting on for 3 before I leave hotel after doing homework (I don't like to have it hanging over me all afternoon). I suppose you could argue that in part starting school was an attermpt at meeting people; even if I'm assuming it's a failure, it still counts as an attempt, I guess.

I am of course getting some social contact just by having the classes every day anyway.

Look, I clearly overreacted yesterday. On the other hand, it remains true that I can do the hassles associated with this cooking stuff and while it no longer bothers me so much, I do still feel I've been railroaded into participating a bit. On the third hand, feeling a bit calmer as I do today and having had an OKish set of classes today, if the cooking is not such an enormous imposition I may well feel I might as well continue with this school. As I said above, I'm not quite sure how I feel about my teacher but he is clearly at least competent and if I go somewhere else I may end up with someone who isn't, or who rubs me up the wrong way even more. I suppose I have to bear in mind that nothing stops me changing school after two or three weeks if I want, if only for a change of pace. Really I need to wait and see how it goes tomorrow.

2343 Bed. Was doing some laundry earlier and the water cut off for maybe 30 mins, but it did come back on.

Quetzaltenango, Tuesday

1540 At somewhere with no name shown inside somewhere up 12 avenue. Coffee, Q5. Feeling a bit shit. Not as shit as earlier, but a bit shit.

Woke up about 0130 and the power was off. Went back to sleep, power was still off when I got up at 0730 so I had to scrabble round in the dark with mild illumination from phone to get dressed as my room has no windows, except for some mostly obscured skylights in the bathroom.

Went to school. School director comes over and tells me about some sort of cooking activity. I said I wasn't really interested but feel I got bullied into agreeing to it.

Lesson felt like just being hit over the head repeatedly with errors and like I was drowning in rules for forming various forms of the subjunctive, of which there are apparently four tenses, except there's also some kind of futuro de subjuntivo which isn't one of the four. Director comes over mid lesson - at which point I am just grinding through things, feeling completely at sea, amid worrying about this fucking cooking thing - and talks to me and my teacher at great length about it. I 'agree' to do it, because it seems like it's kind of expected. I am completely unclear what's going on. Was told it was Thursday at 1.

But after class I talked to director again to pay the 100 I owed from yesterday and now we're going shopping to buy ingredients at the market at 1 on Wednesday. Then we will cook at 1 on Thursday. My teacher told me the weekly lunch thing is normally Friday at 1 but as some people are going on a trip to a market an hour away it's happening on Thursday. So what, are we cooking first then eating? I don't have a fucking clue. I am not sure if I am actually supposed to cook or sort of watch a bit or make notes on vocabulary or what. And yes, yes, in theory this is a good way to get to know a few other people, but given I'm expecting to feel massively uncomfortable I don't feel it's likely to be tremendously helpful. I feel like I'm not in control any more, I'm being told I'll do X and Y, and moreover I'm not even getting a clear idea of what X and Y are or when I'll be expected to do them.

I found myself harbouring thoughts of changing school at the end of the week, and even just walking out. I just felt ridiculously, excessively emotionally fragile and while I wasn't quite fighting back tears, I felt surprisingly close to crying. (I'd probably have broken out in the form of walking out first, but who knows?)

The second half of the lesson was a little better but I'm still feeling edgy, everything I say seems to be wrong either morally or gramatically and we're talking around vaguely political subjects in a way that annoys me but I don't like to refuse to discuss them because it feels churlish and maybe it's good practice at avoiding expressing any dangerous opinions.

Yes, if I already spoke perfect Spanish I wouldn't need lessons but it's still not much fun to feel I'm being ripped apart all the time. (Is this "the dip"?) I feel like I'm failing hugely on the three fronts of a) Spanish b) socialising c) feeling in control of my life simultaneously and to be honest it's fucking doing my head in.

I simply couldn't face trying to strike up a conversation (in Spanish, particularly - I have no confidence in my ability to speak it right now) during the break, but I found a copy of Mark Twain's "Life on the Mississippi" in the school library and re-read a few favourite passages.

I need to avoid being overly impulsive. I've paid for the week and I won't need to hand over the cash for the next week until Friday, so while there's probably no harm in thinking about things insofar as I can be rational and avoid ruminating, I don't need to take any precipitate action. I think I need to have decided before going to bed Thursday night if I am going to sign up for another week here or try another school. (At this stage I am not planning to just walk away from the idea of studying Spanish here.)

In a limited sense if the whole cooking/lunch thing has been shoved forward a day due to this trip (which I am not going on; I'm not that interested and my unspoken primary reason is that it would be extremely awkward if I have decided not to stay on another week), that is an advantage because I can 'experience' that before I need to make my decision on Thursday night. If it were/was (I don't have a fucking clue which is correct) on Friday, I'd potentially have to say yes or no to another week before the lunch happened.

Moving away from this slightly, I will have a look into independent social+learning options over the next week or so. Maybe a Spanish/English exchange somewhere (this is a university town and is quite large, so not impossible) and/or going to one of the "tourist" bars and seeing if I can strike up a conversation. Fuck, just having a couple of beers on my own would be nice.

I went back to the hotel after class and tried to do a bit of homework. I have some booklets with exercises and it's not clear how much or which I am expected to do. I did a bit but could hardly concentrate. I had to go out and withdraw cash and pay the hotel for the next four nights.

It's diminished a bit now but back at the hotel I was fighting down this feeling that I'm just this annoying fucking foreigner who can't even handle the basics of ordering a coffee or paying for it. (OK, turned prediction off completely on phone keyboard. Sometimes I'll be typing - on the physical keyboard, remember - and it somehow jumps back a few characters and enters a suggestion in the middle of a half-typed word. No fucking idea why.)

The insoles in my fucking shoes keep sliding back up my ankles all the time and that's really pissing me off too.

Let's have a break now I've ground all this out.

1721 In the nicest possible way, why the fuck can't I get any service? I am the only customer, I am outnumbered 3 to 1 by staff, yet I don't know how the fuck I am supposed to get attention. I don't want to be rude but I don't know how this is meant to work. I WANT TO GIVE YOU MONEY! WORK WITH ME HERE PEOPLE!

I can't help wondering if a reluctance to ask my local Spanish teacher this question is telling me something, or simply reflecting my current mental malaise.

I thought earlier - coulda woulda shoulda - it would have been smart to drill myself senseless on the mechanical aspects of Spanish, like how to conjugate every fucking verb in every fucking tense, before I came out. This would have been equally useful months or years ago, but I feel it particularly now I am having intensive classes. I don't think I can easily drill myself on my phone due to lack of keyboard capable of typing accents in a non-tedious way but maybe I should look into it.

If the staff would stop hanging around the counter I would go up and talk to the woman behind it, but it would feel awkward as is.

I should just remind myself no one gives a fuck. If I'm that annoying fucking tourist sitting in here when it would otherwise be blissfully empty, does it actually make any difference if I commit moderate breaches of local service etiquette on top of that?

I'm sat by the open window and there's a slight annoying breeze but I don't know if I can change my table. Man these little things have a surprisingly big impact on my mood and feeling of comfort.

I need to work as hard/well as I can on my Spanish this week even if I am going to change schools - no point wasting the time, money and opportunity I currently have.

All the staff seem busy emptying out a cupboard full of plates. I should chill. It's getting on for dark but that is not a huge problem here and apart from the tedious homework and shaving and doing a bit of laundry I don't really have a lot to do tonight so there is no rush. I have lost that pleasant feeling of unhurried relaxation I had a few days ago though.

One question is how much would I lose from switching to another school at the end of this week, in terms of rapport/comfort with my teacher and his ability to know what my strengths/weaknesses are? I suspect some but not much after a single week.

I'd think they were closing and waiting for me to leave if the menu didn't say they serve breakfast in the afternoon from 4-9pm.

1738 Still no service. They're all having a chat so I don't like to interrupt. Maybe if I stop fiddling with my phone they will come over.

Find myself wondering if I should fuck off out of Xela. But I don't dislike the city, I think that would be premature. I should maybe investigate other hotels as well as other schools, though frankly on my budget I am not confident of doing any better.

I suppose if I change schools and still feel shit, I can be relatively confident the problem is with me, whereas if I stay and continue to feel shit, I won't know.

1804 Tried sitting with phone in pocket, still being ignored. I appreciate they might just be respecting my privacy and not pressuring me. But I am losing the plot sitting here ruminating. I was going to order some food here but I'm not sure any more. I feel I'm in a kind of stalemate where I can't ask for attention now. This is fucking ridiculous. It's pretty dark out now.

But I can't really face going to eat somewhere else either. This continual feeling that EVERYTHING I DO IS FUCKING WRONG is getting me down.

And to think a week ago I was actually enjoying myself. Well, sort of. 10 days ago I was.

I'm going to go use the toilets, if that doesn't break the stalemate I might just walk up to the counter and ask to pay. That is probably wrong too but at least it will get me the fuck out of here.

1835 Went over to counter and paid and left. Supermarket doesn't sell batteries. Losing the plot. Probably not having eaten except for a small (and pleasantly aniseedy??) bread bun during break at school probably not helping mood. Come back to the so-far unnamed place on 12 av (which is not far from PdlJ). I'd like to punch the world in the face. Tempted to just tell school I'm quitting, let them keep the rest of the money and fuck it. I am sure that's just the bad mood/low blood sugar talking and I'm aware it's neither mature nor rationally self-interested.

Was going to get bistek but apparently they don't have it; this did however force me to ask what pollo dorado actually is (seen it on various menus) and it's dusted with flour (presumably golden maize flour). Still got to do fucking homework tonight when I get back to hotel.

The trouble with the linguistic difficulties in restaurants and other situations is that I don't see how I will ever learn to do it better.

Oh, that place where I couldn't get served was called Tiguila.

1920 Back at hotel. They did have bistek after all, served with some quite decent cooked potatoes/veg and a lump of stone cold mashed potato which I ignored. Oh, and soup and tortillas. Think it was about 20, I handed 10 of my change back as tip. I still have this feeling I am massively over-tipping but fuck it, I see little chance of actually getting this resolved properly.

Feel a bit better for having eaten but not great. Will try to do some homework and engage in some constructive thought.

Am I falling into the sunk cost fallacy wrt this school? I don't *think* so. While I'm not super happy, it wasn't too bad yesterday and it doesn't seem smart to write it off immediately. I think deliberately avoiding the sunk cost fallacy, the 900 I've handed over is gone. So my options are to try this school free for a few more days before I make my mind up, or hand over a pro-rated 600-700 to some other school to start tomorrow or Thursday. Notwithstanding my emotional "fuck it" attitude, I think it's reasonable to give the school another try for free.

1943 Done a bit of laundry. How the fuck did I end up here? Maybe I'm deluding myself - I haven't re-read the blog - but I was so excited to be going to study Spanish again on Friday and now look at me. Maybe it's just a bad day and I've massively overreacted.

I do also wonder if the constant near-political discussion has stirred up all the shit which had sedimented harmlessly out of my mind as a result of my conscious attempt to keep the hell away from politics. Not my fucking circus, not my fucking monkeys.

I obviously wouldn't tell the current school the real reason I was leaving, because I don't want them pressuring me into staying. Hell, I'm not even sure I'd know what the real reason was. I'd just tell them I've decided I'm not ready to study at this time after all.

2152 Feeling a bit better, done a bit of reading around the issues and listened to a bit of music and so forth. Going to do my best to act 'normally' (not 'one foot out of the door') for the rest of the week, but gut feeling is I am going to change schools. This whole cooking business may not be a big deal, but if I stay I'm either going to have to go through the attendant awkwardnesses (cooking shit, not eating anything at the actual dinner) every week *or* I'm going to be the one awkward sod who refuses to participate. I didn't sign up for this. I thought the eating together thing on Friday would involve me eg buying a chocolate cake (I'd even eyed one up at La Vienesa) or similar and taking it in for an informal no-fucking-fuss meal/snacking session with a bit of chit chat, not a huge weight on the rubber sheet of my soul. :-)

And although it's *not* a deal-breaker, if I can maybe get away from the politics that's got to be a good thing.

2250 Having done a bit of reading around, I am going to attribute the discomfort and grimly attempting to master the new material while feeling I am not ever going to remember it to what Seth Godin apparently calls "The Dip" (I haven't read the book yet) - that slog between the initial fun bit of learning a new skill and mastery. It's *not* fun, but it does encourage me to keep trying and ignore my monkey brain telling me I'll never get it. It does also make me feel a bit better about the way I assume I look grim and/or beleagured (sp? but had to turn the spell checker off as ranted about the other day) during the lessons rather than cheerfully sucking down the new material. I don't know if this is normal or not, but still. (Might be interesting to talk to my long-term Spanish teacher about this to see what she thinks.) However, while we'll see how the next few days go, I still thing I am going to do this grim struggling at a different school. If nothing else I don't like the feeling of having been pushed into doing the cooking shit this week to start with.

2341 Bed. Don't feel tired but I don't want to be short on sleep if I can help it, I understand that's not helpful in terms of mood.

Quetzaltenango, Monday

1833 Just got back to hotel.

Woke up about 0630 in a blind panic, the usual trapped sense of despair. Went back to sleep and woke up feeling OK maybe an hour later, before dozing half awake and snoozing on my alarm until about it 0725. Got ready OK and got to the school 5 mins early.

Felt strangely off-balance and was ushered almost straight away into courtyard to meet my teacher, who told me his name and I had forgotten it within ten minutes. Although we discussed more politics than I would like the first 2.5h flew by and then we had a break for half an hour. That was socially awkward; I didn't expect to be immediately best mates with anyone but I was hanging around with that 'at a party not knowing anyone' feeling a lot. I did chat with a couple of Japanese students but I can't remember their names either; I maybe have slightly more of an excuse with Japanese names (even though I did repeat their names when they told me) but I'd have forgotten if it was anything more exotic than John - the one name, of a guy I exchanged about five words with, I can remember. Got to work on this.

Anyway, remaining 2h of class was OK, a bit awkward and grammatical and "what do you want to study?" ish but OK on the whole.

I paid during the break, because I had the bills folded in my pocket and handed them over folded my intention to have the torn corner of one bill unnoticed failed. Much discussion over this but school director told me to take it to a bank and they'd change it.

I left the school and went to the recommended bank only to find it was closed; security guard told me it only opened from 9-1. All the other banks seemed shut too.

Went back to hotel feeling a bit peeved - though of course, to be strictly fair the torn note was not the school's fault - and did my homework. Then went out with intention of having a coffee at LV, albeit feeling generally a bit unhappy not chuffed.

Spotted a branch of Banco Azteca lurking at the back of a big white goods shop and queued up in there and although the cashier didn't understand what I was saying at first, she replaced the note without any fuss, which was a relief.

I then ended up having a phone call (I can receive but not call out) with my mum while standing out on the street opposite; she told me my brother's cat had unexpectedly had a massive heart attack at midnightish last night and had to be put down after a trip to the vet in the early hours of the morning. Perhaps this small tragedy put things in perspective, or maybe getting the torn bill off my hands helped, but by this point I felt pretty OK if not actually all that chipper.

I figured I'd take advantage of the decent mobile reception (unlike my hotel room) and relative privacy (unlike the street) at LV to live chat with Three about my inability to make calls while I had a coffee and another form of bread roll I asked the name of twice (it didn't have a label) and was completely unable to catch. It took a while and they didn't sort me out, but they seem to have given me £10 free credit and they are escalating the issue and will get back to me. Considering I expected them to just blame my phone I was impressed; I still wonder if ultimately they will say that, but if I really have got a free tenner that's not bad compensation for being unable to make calls when everything else works.

I then went for a bit of a walk, maybe 45 mins, and ended up at Palacio de los Jugos for a small steak, with soup, rice, tortillas, potatoes, spring onions, tomato and cucumber for Q20, oh that with an included blackberry juice, followed by a Q5 coffee and made it Q40 with tip. Then came back here via supermarket; tempted to buy some snacks but I just got a gallon (3.78 litres) of purified water - I hoped this was going to be Q1.5 based on sign on shelf but that was too good to be true, turned out to be IIRC 7.8. So I didn't have enough change out and had to fumble around at checkout. Meh, it's still cheap.

Plan for tonight is just to bum around in hotel room, maybe read a bit, do a bit of laundry and perhaps force myself to do some Spanish vocabulary study on Memrise.

2334 Bed. Didn't do any Memrise. Meh. Not exactly tired but felt might as well go to bed. Got to be up at 0630 feeling shit, right? :-)

Quetzaltenango, Sunday

1153 At La Venesa. Getting empanada de pollo (15), coffee (6) and a cabezona (1.5, a sort of bready thing). Nominally popped out to withdraw a big chunk of cash to pay school but came here first, will go get cash and lock it up in bag back at hotel after. Plan for today is just to walk round a bit.

Woke up about 8am then again about 10. Deliberately didn't set an alarm as want to ensure I've had adequate sleep before starting on the 8am classes. School confirmed, so all set for tomorrow. (Was virtually certain yday but got e-mail this morning.)

Dithered around in hotel calling parents and cleaning teeth and so forth, probably left about 15 mins ago - I probably actually got up about 1030-11.

D"oh, place is actually La Vienesa. I'd been reading backwards writing on the door until now and misread.

Gah, empanada turned up on a plate with knife and fork and covered in a lightly spicy tomato saucey stuff. I scraped most of it off and managed to eat it, which I think was quite a good performance considering my dislike of the sauce. The empanada itself was actually quite nice and fairly substantial.

Bill should be 22.5, I will actually probably just make it 30 due to change issues. I did over-tip yesterday anyway.

1230 Procession just went past. Saw a banner saying something about remembering the military dictatorship and another 'ven Señor Jesús', and a load of people carrying a big float-y thing coffin style on their shoulders, and two guys with tubas bringing up the rear. (Definitely a procession not a protest though.)

(Didn't take any photos; it seemed rude.)

1317 Back at hotel briefly. Withdrew 1500 from a 5B machine on my debit card and pleased to see the fee is fixed (31.20) not a percentage. On the downside, one of the 100 notes has a torn corner. I hope this isn't going to be a problem. I will try to give it over to the school tomorrow morning as a starting point.

It's very sunny and hot when not in the shade. Going to leave fleece at hotel. Tempted to wear cap but I do have sunblock on my head and I don't plan to deliberately sit around in sun so I won't.

1353 Still at hotel. Pissing it down. By sheer luck this started before I went out. Guess the sunblock and insect repellent I just put on my arms was wasted... I'm pretty sure I can buy sunblock here (but factor 50?) but I may struggle to get any more picaridin (sp) insect repellent - but I couldn't bring half a litre of the stuff with me, realistically speaking. (100ml bottle says it will last 1 person 2 weeks.) The longer I can put off having to buy anything containing DEET the better; I have no health concerns about it, but I enjoy not having my plastics destroyed. (Someone on web other day saying only 100% DEET eats plastic; I am dubious myself.)

0.08mm precipitation this hour according to phone forecast app. It must just sound heavier than it really is.

1656 In Pollo Campero just off central park. Elton John's "Sacrifice" playing, though barely audible.

Went for a walk. Quite sunny, bit of water in the streets. Tried to walk along the N-S avenidas but either I'm crap at it or they aren't quite as regularly grid-like. Eventually stumbled on some kind of free live music at a stage set up at one corner of central square, so listened to that for a while then came in here. I had been hoping for the indulgent lardiness of a KFC, but it's slightly up the Nando's spectrum with table service etc. Had 2 pieces chicken, chips and a diet pepsi (in theory I am entitled to a free refill, but you have to ask a waitress and TBH I haven't seen my waitress since I ordered). 44.50, just handed over 100 and waitress (a different one) said "muy amable" , but I trust I will get change. Will tip 10 as per plan, I had hoped to avoid tipping if it was KFC style service at counter but meh. Food OK but chicken was a bit cold and it's knife-and-fork so not the indulgent carefree guzzling I'd hoped for. I had been intending to have a fried ch...

1756 Back at hotel. ...icken binge pretty much since I saw the first fried chicken place here (which IIRC was Pollo Campero in Guatemala City from the shuttle to Antigua) but kept eating in other places and not wanting to eat anything else. I was a bit disappointed in the context of my specific 'gorge myself on unhealthy food cheaply' desire, but as I say it was OK.

The band was playing again in square so watched a song or two then managed to find the supermarket near there and buy some bananas, apples, water and peanuts. I took my own bag this time, had it stuffed in back trouser pocket. Peanuts still pretty expensive. FWIW 1.75l water 8.75, peanuts (looking at receipt) surprisingly variable in price at 3.3, 6.7 and 4.5 each 80g I think, apples 9.9 for a bag of about 6 small Gala apples, bananas 2.66 for 4 (at 1.4 per pound).

2344 Bed. Been reading and doing a bit of laundry and so forth. Not really tired but got to be up early etc. Not not tired either. Oh, turns out I bought sparkling water by mistake. Not a big deal, I like sparkling water, but won't be so good once it goes flat and not ideal for cleaning teeth. I had a bit of still water left fortunately, and I'll probably have to buy another bottle tomorrow.