Panajachel, Tuesday

1158 At Restaurante Las Palmeras. Feeling pretty shitty, to be honest. Wandered down this long street to lake looking for food. Feeling sort of dead inside. Ridiculously overblown way of putting it, but trying to get the idea across.

The lake *is* impressive, I snapped a couple of photos mechanically and turned round. There are lots of other tourists here but I still feel on edge; not so much that I'm going to get mugged as exploited. A tout tried to get me in somewhere and I was pretty sullen with him.

Could have got up in time for breakfast but didn't. I couldn't face the inevitable lukewarm shower and it was cold in bed - I should have got up and put a blanket on, but I didn't. I didn't actually sleep that badly.

I am hoping food will perk me up. I need to ask about a hiking tour, but - current frame of mind? - I fear everything is either ultra extreme 'trekking' over multiple days or involves being shuttled around the circumference of the lake in motorised vehicles over the course of a day with hardly a second to take anything in. Right now the idea of talking to some tour rep who I inconsistently imagine to be both sneering and bored doesn't appeal in the slightest.

Only came in here cos of the economy menu; good job as regular menu is super pricey. Nearly went in a couple of other places but decided not to on totally irrational grounds. I feel I am losing the plot a bit. It's not quite homesickness but I sort of wish I wasn't here.

On the bright side, if my mood lifts there seems to be no shortage of cheap restaurants and I spotted a small shop which had big bags of crisps for sale.

Comedor from yesterday was Comedor Gretchel, I think - I saw sign outside as walked past earlier. I may go for dinner there before a quiet night in. 'Should' have got up for breakfast but what the hell. I was semi-forced out by a cleaner at maybe 1030, though she didn't come back which fortunately gave me time to shower (lukewarm indeed) and apply sun cream and insect repellent and get dressed and clean my teeth and it did all feel like a fucking chore.

Think food here is 35 and for all I know they'll stiff me heavily on the coffee (black) I'm having with it. Could have paid 25 elsewhere but I sort of figured I needed to just *go* into somewhere and eat.

Useless weather forecast on phone said it would be hot and sticky. I am wearing just short-sleeved T-shirt, it is OK but not exactly warm, I could have comfortably worn fleece, it's very grey too even though phone said UV 10. To be fair I met a trainee helicopter pilot in Antigua and he said even the professional forecasts are a bit shit IIRC.

1400 At small cafe in a kind of covered shopping-centre-ish courtyard getting a lemon tea. Food helped a bit earlier but no much. First tour agency I asked just tried to sell me tour of the lake by boat. Second one actually advertised trekking/mountain hikes outside, but I stood outside staring at the sign for fucking ages - maybe half an hour? - dithering. Was finally forced in by sun coming out and feeling I was burning. Anyway, despite my nerves - which weren't primarily linguistic but part of today's funk - I had quite an in-depth conversation with the two women at the desk. Basically it's low season so there are no groups doing any of these hiking type activities. I think if I come back in a month it may be different. I am rewarding myself with a drink here and then I'll go and speak to one more agency to see if I can confirm this.

Oh, I did go back to lake after speaking with second agency to look at it in a better mood. Might be more impressive if the volcanoes on the other side weren't largely hidden by cloud but still a pretty cool view. I wandered down to the shore; a few vendors and groups of guys loitering around but not overly threatening.

Anyway, if I get this low season business confirmed I think the thing to do may be to do a lake tour tomorrow or Thursday and then push on, perhaps to Quetzaltenango where I may - if I like it - consider putting in an extended stay to study Spanish. I'd then consider returning here in a month or six weeks nearer the end of the trip. This might also make me feel more comfortable doing the paragliding here; I have seen various signs but rationally or not I'm worried about breaking a leg on landing and while that would doubtless suck anyway, it would suck fractionally less towards the end of the trip. (I haven't yet spoken to insurance company to see if I could pay extra to be covered for this.)

Seen a sign, this is Restaurante Los Cayucos. (It's often hard to tell the name of a restaurant from inside once the menu has been taken away.)

1455 Nursed this tea, was going to leave but it's absolutely pissing it down so will have another. I did half intend to visit a museum this afternoon but I have all day tomorrow; I am probably not going to do the boat tour tomorrow as I am expecting news from my parents and don't want to be out of contact first thing.

Might have a black coffee this time actually. Can't see waitress so we'll see, I may have nothing if rain stops before she turns up.

Few wandering vendors have come up to me but not many and they leave without fuss after a "no, gracias".

1604 At Comedor Gretchel for breaded fish fillet and a regular coffee. Bought two big bags of crisps at a shop - no prices shown, guy charged me 22 for the pair, this may be tourist price but maybe not. Might get a chilled bottle of diet coke on way back to hotel. Living the dream, baby!

Got charged 10 for the lemon tea when a man (who had not served me) eventually turned up. Menu said 5 - I double checked as I was leaving - so I just gave him the 10 and no tip. Would have made it 10 anyway but bit annoying. Maybe he didn't know I'd had lemon tea but still, that's precisely his job. May or may not go back there.

Went into another tour agency and they seemed a bit reticent in a way I probably imagined but did quote me some prices around USD70ish for walking tours - every day - and I have a leaflet so may peruse it back at hotel. Bit dubious after being told by other agency it's low season - I somehow don't want to end up on a walking tour with just me and the guide. Meh.

It's still quite grey. Not cold. TBH feel the day is a little wasted but it's OK. My mood is not great but it's not terrible any more. On one hand a second night stuck in my hotel room might be depressing but on the other it might be good to just relax a bit.

Perhaps OTT having a second meal here especially when I bought crisps but WTF. In part I just don't want to go back to the hotel super early.

Did see a couple of banks so I can probably get some cash when I need it.

1655 Back at hotel. Food pretty good, 30, made it 40. Think name of place is Gretchel but maybe I keep misremembering. Bought two modest bottles of diet coke at shop with same name next door, MoS joked with me that it was 7 each or I could have two for 15. My slight ineptness with numbers made me a bit slow to get this. I did say it wasn't a good deal. I handed over 15 and I sort of waited until he offered me the 1 change before waving it away. Maybe dumb of me but I think I'd only be really annoyed if he had openly refused to give it me.

2227 Did some own laundry earlier for first time on trip. Have mostly just been reading books on phone - luckily the online library I have access to from my council is working over here. Have had a quick poke at guide book and I am thinking Quetzaltenango is a sensible next destination; F&CO site makes no specific mention of it, which is good. I do feel I'm perhaps not making the most of Pana but I will do that boat tour on Thursday and as I said earlier I may return later in the trip anyway. I am not sure about those hikes the last tour agency mentioned today; TBH I haven't even looked at the leaflet yet. Guide book does say there are some good day trips from Quetzaltenango, I don't know how compatible they would be with 'full time' Spanish school but I guess I could go at the weekend, or take a week off - just have to see how it goes.

Not feeling super chipper but probably better than I did this morning.

2333 Sounds like its pissing it down and has been for a while. Bed anyway.